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Yeah go see a psychiatrist. You shouldn't have to live this way. It's not normal or healthy. Your psychiatrist will be able to get you on the right track.
Someone tossed out "get a dog" earlier. Getting a dog made such a difference in my life. I went to the dog park every day. Animal lovers tend to be very nice. You talk about your dogs. You laugh at the things they do. You ask advice about behaviors or food or flea treatments. It creates a bond with people you see regularly. I never talked to my neighbors, other than a quick "hi", before I got my dog. Now I'm out walking twice a day. Everyone says hello. A dog is a built in conversation starter. And great company when there are no people around.
Someone tossed out "get a dog" earlier. Getting a dog made such a difference in my life. I went to the dog park every day. Animal lovers tend to be very nice. You talk about your dogs. You laugh at the things they do. You ask advice about behaviors or food or flea treatments. It creates a bond with people you see regularly. I never talked to my neighbors, other than a quick "hi", before I got my dog. Now I'm out walking twice a day. Everyone says hello. A dog is a built in conversation starter. And great company when there are no people around.
I have a dog. He's a Golden Retiever and his name is Milo. He's my best friend in the world and all around awesome.
If you're a thoughtful, perceptive guy, you can analyze yourself why they're not interested in you. First, it could be something really basic like needing a little makeover - spruce up your wardrobe and make sure your clothes are iron, get a better haircut, and stand up straight. Second, it could be your manner - maybe you look glum, speak in a monotone, don't look people in the eye. Also easy to fix. Third, it could be a matter of how you interact - maybe you're completely quiet and non-participating, maybe you're nervous about what do say. I notice that you say they don't talk to you, they don't ask what you did over the weekend - but do you talk to them? What if you asked them about their weekend?
The other possibility is one that I normally wouldn't suggest - you might try to find yourself a little support group - outsiders, people talking about how to better socialize. Not only might you get some tips, but it's possible that you might get some good feedback on what it is about you that people are finding off-putting.
"I have a dog. He's a Golden Retiever and his name is Milo. He's my best friend in the world and all around awesome."
Goldens are so wonderful. I heard someone describe them as a hug with 4 paws. There are so many things to do involving dogs. And the great thing is you don't have to be good at small talk, because the dog takes the pressure off.
There's meet ups, dog walks for charity, dog therapy, volunteer opportunities. I'm so much more outgoing when I'm with my dog. I have a chi-weenie mix. I brought her to my mom's nursing home every day. We ended up going room to room to spend time with other patients. I'm sure I never would have spoken to anyone there if it wasn't for my dog. They even asked me to bring her for visits after my mom passed. But I haven't done that.
Put Milo's picture on your desk at work. Ask your co-workers about their dogs and have a cute story ready to go when they pause. Everybody likes talking about dogs.
In a perfect world, I want everyone to like me. For example, when I first met the people at my work I wanted them to like me. I envisioned them liking me. I desperately want friends because I'm very lonely. Then as time went on, I found that they probably don't like me because they don't talk to me. If they liked me, they'd talk to me, wouldn't they? And like I said in the OP, when I ask about their weekend or what have you, they never ask about mine so I think that's a pretty clear indicator that I'm right, they don't like me.
If you can stop worrying about other people to liking you and wanting them to ask you about your life, you will be one step ahead. If you can also learn to be interested in them and actually like them just for the fact that you are interested in them, then you will be well on your way. Eventually, people will start to like you back.
The way it is now, is that you have ulterior motives when you ask them about themselves. You want them to like you and ask you about yourself. Relationships with others don't work that way. People need to feel that there are not ulterior motives for them to start to take an interest in you.
Fake it until you make it? I stopped doing that in my early 20s. Nowadays, I just don't give a crap what people think of me. We're all dead in the end anyway, so just be yourself and stop worrying about what others think. Life is much simpler that way.
Well, I think most of us have to 'fake it' at times in order to act correctly in various social situations. If we didn't truly care what other people thought about us, and if we truly didn't give a damn about how we came across, we'd likely have a rough time socially and probably would not have many friends. Following all the social rules of engagement, i.e, basic pleasantries/courtesies, proper behaviors, etc, requires that we often act in ways that we don't feel; if we didn't adjust our behavior in different social settings and also learn how to keep some of our thoughts private, we wouldn't get very far in life.
If you can stop worrying about other people to liking you and wanting them to ask you about your life, you will be one step ahead. If you can also learn to be interested in them and actually like them just for the fact that you are interested in them, then you will be well on your way. Eventually, people will start to like you back.
The way it is now, is that you have ulterior motives when you ask them about themselves. You want them to like you and ask you about yourself. Relationships with others don't work that way. People need to feel that there are not ulterior motives for them to start to take an interest in you.
How do I make them feel like I don't have ulterior motives? I don't go around saying, "Well, aren't you going to ask about my weekend now?"
Just wanted to say that I personally get along fine with most people, and go through wear & tear like everyone else, but can find it sometimes hard due to having a chaotic life journey - I have only recently found a stable field and a place to live. Many people don't have to go through that and don't understand working at the bottom, or without certain things they take for granted, which leads me to have to consistently evaluate my ethics in order to 'fit in'.
How do I make them feel like I don't have ulterior motives? I don't go around saying, "Well, aren't you going to ask about my weekend now?"
You don't have to. They pick up on your energy or vibe or whatever you choose to call it. Humans are social creatures and they sense weakness, neediness, distrust, and other threat vectors just like sharks sense a little blood in the water. That's the bad news. The good news is that they're also very sensitive and responsive to love, appreciation, kindness and attentiveness.
So you don't approach them with ulterior motives and they won't feel like you are. Be genuinely interested in them without expectations. Those last two words are the hard part. People can sense expectations a mile away. Counter-intuitively, you have to give before you can receive for the most part.
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