Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are you sure the others at work are really "friends", like doing things together outside of work? I bet very few actually are. Usually IME it is best to be friendly and helpful with work associates, but look for friends in other places. Have you tried joining a group with a common interest other than work?
And be patient and try not to form firm opinions or impressions so quickly. Give others a chance to open up to you. Not everyone has room in their life for new friends, but you're more likely to have luck outside of work with people who have time for recreational or special interests. Smile and try not to be too serious. Best wishes, and hope you hang in there.
I understand your alienation and estrangement that you feel at work. I work with a person who is hard of hearing and has to read lips or sign to communicate with any sense of intelligence as there is so much that gets lost in translation. I ended up having to write everything down or use e-mail to establish a correct train of thought process which brought up the happy communication indicators of him smiling when he saw me.
Talking sometimes can be burdensome but there are many other ways to have a meaningful and intelligent conversation with each other.
It takes time to do it and most people don't have the patience to want to spend the time to learn how to do it as it can be frustrating at first since there is some many things that get misunderstood.
Try to seek out the people who possess the patience and intelligence to do this.
Hint: It won't be the young blindly ambitious people wo are only interested in fast tracking their career. They don't have time for you.
Whether it is at work or meeting people in public places, it never fails that I get the impression that they don't like me. This makes it difficult to meet people because the feeling usually comes quickly at the first thing they do via body language, voice inflection or what have you that indicates disinterest. I then get discouraged and don't pursue the relationship any further (because I've already decided why bother, they don't like me).
At work, this leads to feelings of loneliness and bitterness/hatred towards coworkers. I especially get these feelings when I see other coworkers talking to one another about weekend plans, what they did last night, etc. No one ever talks to me about those things because no one likes or cares about me. If I ask someone what they did over the weekend they will tell me but they don't ask what I did (because they don't like me but do like talking about themselves). I sometimes think about what they would say/do if they found out I died, either by suicide or natural means. This thought scenario usually progresses to me imagining them being happy or indifferent about it but most of the time, happy or relieved ("I'm glad that annoying loser is gone").
I can't tell from what you wrote, because i think you are writing about your feelings. I am not sure what you are feeling is accurate. It might be that you are super sensitive to the reactions of others.
I do recommend finding someone who can give you help with cues. Do you have a relative who you trust, perhaps older? If you don't have someone, then it might be wise to find a counselor whom you can talk to about reading social cues and how to be appropriately social in the work place.
You can also read Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. I've heard of many people referencing that book as a tremendous help to them.
Also, if you do small favors for your coworkers, speak pleasantly to them, look them in the eye, and do your job well, you should be able to have decent relationships at work. Smile, hold doors, help someone out from time to time. Don't ask for thanks. Just be a good person at work. That should help your relationships a lot. And, not everyone is social with each other after work, so I recommend you find other ways to meet people.
But, because you are distressed about this, I'd find someone who can evaluate your social skills so you can improve them.
1) You need a therapist. You have a lot of signs of depression.
2) Beyond that, you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable and and awkward to truly connect with people. I'm awkward as hell because of my ADD and being raised by 2 narcissists, but over the past 20 years (I'm 40), I've learned to reach out to people. I've basically embraced my own goofiness and I just smile and make eye contact when I meet someone. I'm open about my awkwardness and my rough-around-the-edges nature. I'd say it's important to fake it until you make it with social stuff - it may feel silly at first, but eventually it becomes second nature. And a lot of those little meaningless exchanges are not at all meaningless but serve as a sort of social lubrication.
Because you're dealing with a hearing issue, I would be up-front about it. My roommate is almost entirely deaf without hearing aids, and she's never shy about letting people know when she's having trouble hearing them. If that makes communication awkward in the moment, I would follow up with people at work with a personal email making polite conversation so they know that you are interested in getting to know them better.
1) You need a therapist. You have a lot of signs of depression.
2) Beyond that, you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable and and awkward to truly connect with people. I'm awkward as hell because of my ADD and being raised by 2 narcissists, but over the past 20 years (I'm 40), I've learned to reach out to people. I've basically embraced my own goofiness and I just smile and make eye contact when I meet someone. I'm open about my awkwardness and my rough-around-the-edges nature. I'd say it's important to fake it until you make it with social stuff - it may feel silly at first, but eventually it becomes second nature. And a lot of those little meaningless exchanges are not at all meaningless but serve as a sort of social lubrication.
Because you're dealing with a hearing issue, I would be up-front about it. My roommate is almost entirely deaf without hearing aids, and she's never shy about letting people know when she's having trouble hearing them. If that makes communication awkward in the moment, I would follow up with people at work with a personal email making polite conversation so they know that you are interested in getting to know them better.
Fake it until you make it? I stopped doing that in my early 20s. Nowadays, I just don't give a crap what people think of me. We're all dead in the end anyway, so just be yourself and stop worrying about what others think. Life is much simpler that way.
1) You need a therapist. You have a lot of signs of depression.
2) Beyond that, you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable and and awkward to truly connect with people. I'm awkward as hell because of my ADD and being raised by 2 narcissists, but over the past 20 years (I'm 40), I've learned to reach out to people. I've basically embraced my own goofiness and I just smile and make eye contact when I meet someone. I'm open about my awkwardness and my rough-around-the-edges nature. I'd say it's important to fake it until you make it with social stuff - it may feel silly at first, but eventually it becomes second nature. And a lot of those little meaningless exchanges are not at all meaningless but serve as a sort of social lubrication.
Because you're dealing with a hearing issue, I would be up-front about it. My roommate is almost entirely deaf without hearing aids, and she's never shy about letting people know when she's having trouble hearing them. If that makes communication awkward in the moment, I would follow up with people at work with a personal email making polite conversation so they know that you are interested in getting to know them better.
To clarify, I am completely deaf in my right ear but hearing aids wouldn't improve the situation. According to my ENT specialist, there has to be some hearing there for the Aid to improve but since I have zero hearing in that ear, a hearing aid wouldn't be of any help. I don't have a hearing aid in my left ear but have some high frequency hearing loss. ENT said hearing aid wasn't yet necessary so I've held off on that for now.
I used to see a therapist for 6+ years. I saw two different ones in that six year span plus group therapy provided by my college. Neither one really seemed to make much of a difference as I was still depressed. I recently qualified for health insurance through work so I could get one now but based on past experience, I'm not convinced it would do anything but drain my bank account (even with insurance you still have copays and everything).
Whether it is at work or meeting people in public places, it never fails that I get the impression that they don't like me. This makes it difficult to meet people because the feeling usually comes quickly at the first thing they do via body language, voice inflection or what have you that indicates disinterest. I then get discouraged and don't pursue the relationship any further (because I've already decided why bother, they don't like me).
At work, this leads to feelings of loneliness and bitterness/hatred towards coworkers. I especially get these feelings when I see other coworkers talking to one another about weekend plans, what they did last night, etc. No one ever talks to me about those things because no one likes or cares about me. If I ask someone what they did over the weekend they will tell me but they don't ask what I did (because they don't like me but do like talking about themselves). I sometimes think about what they would say/do if they found out I died, either by suicide or natural means. This thought scenario usually progresses to me imagining them being happy or indifferent about it but most of the time, happy or relieved ("I'm glad that annoying loser is gone").
You have a Bad attitude. I don't care if people dislike me. In fact, I like it that way for a lot of those I know. If they don't like you, they will leave you alone. I am Happy with myself. Don't require any one else to approve. Your problem is you don't like yourself. Its not the other people, its you, that doesn't like you. Change that, and everything else will fall in line. If you don't like you, why would you expect others to like you?
Whether it is at work or meeting people in public places, it never fails that I get the impression that they don't like me. This makes it difficult to meet people because the feeling usually comes quickly at the first thing they do via body language, voice inflection or what have you that indicates disinterest. I then get discouraged and don't pursue the relationship any further (because I've already decided why bother, they don't like me).
At work, this leads to feelings of loneliness and bitterness/hatred towards coworkers. I especially get these feelings when I see other coworkers talking to one another about weekend plans, what they did last night, etc. No one ever talks to me about those things because no one likes or cares about me. If I ask someone what they did over the weekend they will tell me but they don't ask what I did (because they don't like me but do like talking about themselves). I sometimes think about what they would say/do if they found out I died, either by suicide or natural means. This thought scenario usually progresses to me imagining them being happy or indifferent about it but most of the time, happy or relieved ("I'm glad that annoying loser is gone").
OP, lots of people prefer to talk about themselves, and fail to reciprocate an inquiry about their leisure activities, or whatever. Most people who have this experience don't take it as a judgement on them or a rejection. They just take it in stride. You're reading way too much into these minor details of human interaction.
I know I'm socially awkward or at least I feel like I am so I likely come across that way to others. I also have difficulty hearing (partially deaf) which to some people may make talking to me too much work so they avoid doing so.
Huh...that is weird. My husband is legally deaf & he also thinks that everybody hates him. Neighbors, family, coworkers, store clerks...EVERYBODY.
I thought he was just paranoid & the super weird thing is that everybody actually likes him.
Except me.
...Because he won't DO ANYTHING about his hearing. All weekend long I hide from the insanely loud TV in the living room. That serves a dual purpose because the less I am around him, the less chance there is of me saying "me too" or "where is the other shoe?" & him miss-hearing it as "f**k you".
Like seriously...I'm just going to wander around & for NO reason just say "F' you" ??
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
