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I think some people feel they have been hurt and made fun of all their lives, so now they are going to prevent that by acting so scary, the other person won't even consider being the one to put THEM down. Sort of a preemptive strike.
But that inner fear and terrible sadness comes out when they haven't been defensively prepared and someone is mean to them this time.
A1eutian Spot on that you never "get over" BPD. The reasons why abuse sometimes leads to BPD and other times it doesn't are many. It's a matter of severity, frequency and degree of genetic resilience. Some people break under this environment and never fully recover. Being abused by the very people who should be your protectors is a real mind - f_.
AMEN!
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In my personal experience with BPD, I was in an abusive household from before I was able to form conscious memories. I lived in a near constant state of fear for the next 10 years not knowing when the next punch, kick, stick, strap or fork (I was stabbed with a fork at the dinner table by my dad) would come.
one time, when I still visited my maternal mother, I asked her about a situation, and she was shocked I remembered it. I was just a small baby, in the bedroom which I shared with my maternal mother and step dad. I was in my crib, and I sucked my thumb...there was a screen separating me from them....all of a sudden, the screen flew and someone slapped me across the face and head. She said, it was him, b/c sucking my thumb bothered him. It could have been him, b/c he was a mean man. But my mother was always slapping me...I can still hear that ring in my ears, as she slapped me hard across the ears.
Another time, I guess I was four or five...and he had a pet parakette...he put the thing on the floor, and it was running after me, while I ran from the sofa to the chair and back again. I remember they were laughing, until I turned around and by accident, stepped on the poor bird and killed it. He beat my butt, and then made me sit in a chair and hold it.
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So I feel that my ability to form emotional bonds with human beings was severely damaged. There was always a feeling of underlying paranoia in personal relationships. A typical trait of BPD people is that ALL of their relationships are strained and come to an end due to real or imagined situations.
I was so fortunate, b/c of my foster family...even though there was severe abuse, it is b/c of them, that I sought out counseling...I would much rather be alone...(because of the men I chose as partners) My mother always told me I was no good...so I believed her, and always chose men who I didn't deserve. But, I do have a good network of friends and family...who I socialize with...but, when choosing friends, I don't put up with any bull, especially when it comes to women....I don't play games, tell it like it is...and hate it when someone lies, b/c my mother was a chronic lyer. Not all women do, but a whole lot of women play games....and I hate that....they use their own children to play tug of war with, the ex...
So, if your a woman and my friend, would have to say, that your one very special woman....I don't allow many women into my life, especially nosy ones, who love to gossip...hate that with a passion.
I think some people feel they have been hurt and made fun of all their lives, so now they are going to prevent that by acting so scary, the other person won't even consider being the one to put THEM down. Sort of a preemptive strike.
But that inner fear and terrible sadness comes out when they haven't been defensively prepared and someone is mean to them this time.
That makes a lot of sense, and I'm sure is the case for some....Good Observation JerZ, thanks for sharing.
Miss Terri
Thank you for opening this thread, as your intent might not be the same, however, one of it's purpose may help others...just to write down our experiences and vent...
Miss Terri
Thank you for opening this thread, as your intent might not be the same, however, one of it's purpose may help others...just to write down our experiences and vent...
I've noticed this every now and then with certain people. While not common, it's puzzling behavior. These types of people will be rude, condescending, snarky, abrasive etc. on a regular basis, almost as if it is ingrained in their personality to communicate in this way, yet these same people will become the most sensitive people on the planet if anyone dares to stand up to them. In other words they are more then comfortable dishing it out but when it comes back their way, even in the smallest of dose, they can't handle it. At all.
Are they lacking in self awareness, not realizing how they come across? Are they faking their indignation in order to gaslight and play the victim? Or is it something deeper? The following article suggests that this is something that is commonly seen in narcissists. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...an-dish-it-out
They are what is known in the common man's vernacular is known as A-holes. We had a CFO who used to pull that stuff. She tried it with me. I made her cry. Twice.
There is an office book out there called " The no A-hole rule " you have to put in the full word to pull it up in Amazon books. Discusses workplace bullies and how destructive they are, no matter how brilliant they are at their job, or whatever.
Good thread. Thanks for posting. I think we've all met these types.
Let me tell you, they can ruin your life...I could never ever be with someone else, b/c of him.
I love living by myself...it's been 20 years....but when I think of that hell I lived, it almost brings me to tears...part of which is b/c I put up with it for so long.
But yeah, he almost broke me...and maybe even did in a way.
I don't hate him, but I don't like him either...more then that, I feel very badly for his now wife, b/c I honestly believe she is a nice person.
This book helped me understand my own abusive ex:
"Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft
After I wrote the above and after all these years, I remembered.
You see, my ex was the son of a raging narcissist. What does that do to a boy? I can never know that completely but it can't be good. I believe my ex's adult relationship with a woman was an attempt to re-enact his history with his mother, only the second time around he would "win" because he had complete control.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 08-29-2016 at 07:12 AM..
one time, when I still visited my maternal mother, I asked her about a situation, and she was shocked I remembered it. I was just a small baby, in the bedroom which I shared with my maternal mother and step dad. I was in my crib, and I sucked my thumb...there was a screen separating me from them....all of a sudden, the screen flew and someone slapped me across the face and head. She said, it was him, b/c sucking my thumb bothered him. It could have been him, b/c he was a mean man. But my mother was always slapping me...I can still hear that ring in my ears, as she slapped me hard across the ears.
Another time, I guess I was four or five...and he had a pet parakette...he put the thing on the floor, and it was running after me, while I ran from the sofa to the chair and back again. I remember they were laughing, until I turned around and by accident, stepped on the poor bird and killed it. He beat my butt, and then made me sit in a chair and hold it.
I was so fortunate, b/c of my foster family...even though there was severe abuse, it is b/c of them, that I sought out counseling...I would much rather be alone...(because of the men I chose as partners) My mother always told me I was no good...so I believed her, and always chose men who I didn't deserve. But, I do have a good network of friends and family...who I socialize with...but, when choosing friends, I don't put up with any bull, especially when it comes to women....I don't play games, tell it like it is...and hate it when someone lies, b/c my mother was a chronic lyer. Not all women do, but a whole lot of women play games....and I hate that....they use their own children to play tug of war with, the ex...
So, if your a woman and my friend, would have to say, that your one very special woman....I don't allow many women into my life, especially nosy ones, who love to gossip...hate that with a passion.
That is horrific. Glad you survived. Same for the poster you were quoting. What in the actual **** is WRONG with some of these parents?
Some types of child abuse or neglect you don't condone, but can understand. The shaken baby who just wouldn't stop screaming, the kid in the dirty house whose mom was too drunk to get up and clean. But deliberate cruelty is a whole 'nother level.
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