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Old 09-25-2016, 08:09 PM
 
579 posts, read 360,384 times
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Example- A man is on a date with a woman he finds attractive. This woman intimidates him a bit. He feels insecure. For a play at jealousy, he points out an attractive woman or talks about a good looking celebrity. So basically, he's insecure about himself and his own looks, so he's trying to make his date feel insecure as well or "bring her down a notch" so he can feel more comfortable in her presence knowing that she feels a bit uncomfortable.

I used a man in this example, but the situation could be reversed obviously. Thoughts? Anyone have similar stories?
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Old 09-25-2016, 09:58 PM
 
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Oh yeah. My most recent boyfriend (now ex) started dropping his sweet charade sometime around when we were at a supermarket one day, and I saw a magazine with a shirtless Jared Leto and said "wow". For weeks after, "why don't you go f%$* Jared Leto?" bookended with "I can get all kinds of girls. This girl stopped me on the street today to tell me how hot I am" etc.

Real childish. Insecure....yes.
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Old 09-26-2016, 12:00 AM
 
579 posts, read 360,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
Oh yeah. My most recent boyfriend (now ex) started dropping his sweet charade sometime around when we were at a supermarket one day, and I saw a magazine with a shirtless Jared Leto and said "wow". For weeks after, "why don't you go f%$* Jared Leto?" bookended with "I can get all kinds of girls. This girl stopped me on the street today to tell me how hot I am" etc.

Real childish. Insecure....yes.
Ok but what was the point of saying "wow" to him though? It's your boyfriend, I'm assuming he's straight so he's not going to ogle another man with you. I don't really get couples who openly ogle other people in front of each other because it typically doesn't bring any good into the relationship, like you said it brought insecurity on. I think the smart thing to do is to just look and not say anything. Also staring at others is generally not good either when you're around your partner. I don't have much respect for people who can't restrain themselves from commenting on "how hot" someone is to their partners. Makes me view that person as kinda immature and stupid. Like something a teenager with lack of sense would say to the person they've been "dating" for a week. Unless of course, both people are into it, open relationship kinda deal.

Last edited by Shimmy00; 09-26-2016 at 12:23 AM..
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Old 09-26-2016, 08:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmy00 View Post
Ok but what was the point of saying "wow" to him though? It's your boyfriend, I'm assuming he's straight so he's not going to ogle another man with you. I don't really get couples who openly ogle other people in front of each other because it typically doesn't bring any good into the relationship, like you said it brought insecurity on. I think the smart thing to do is to just look and not say anything. Also staring at others is generally not good either when you're around your partner. I don't have much respect for people who can't restrain themselves from commenting on "how hot" someone is to their partners. Makes me view that person as kinda immature and stupid. Like something a teenager with lack of sense would say to the person they've been "dating" for a week. Unless of course, both people are into it, open relationship kinda deal.
"Wow" is kind of an almost involuntary reponse to visual stimuli. It should be met with amusement and perhaps a gentle ribbing ( forever ) Not a full blown freak out.
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Old 09-26-2016, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
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Originally Posted by NLVgal View Post
"Wow" is kind of an almost involuntary reponse to visual stimuli. It should be met with amusement and perhaps a gentle ribbing ( forever ) Not a full blown freak out.
Mostly true.

In a new relationship, it's worth a little restraint.

Now, my wife will see someone she thinks is 'hot' on TV and will tell me she is adding him to the list. She and I both know it's just a joke, because we are committed to each other. For the first few months in the relationship, it would not have happened.
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Old 09-26-2016, 02:47 PM
 
Location: not normal, IL
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Originally Posted by reds37win View Post
Mostly true.

In a new relationship, it's worth a little restraint.

Now, my wife will see someone she thinks is 'hot' on TV and will tell me she is adding him to the list. She and I both know it's just a joke, because we are committed to each other. For the first few months in the relationship, it would not have happened.
I think it's just good humor too, that is if your relationship is going well. I used to joke with my girlfriends when they would point out a hot guy and I ask how do you know he isn't gay? I would tell them how he would probably choose me over them. "If he is built, well dressed, and still single he's most likely gay." I would go on to tell them how a person like me is in real demand in the gay world of dating. I would always get a good laugh out of them, it never failed. I find instead of ignoring possible problems bring them to light and joke about them. If your relationship is in the tubes this will destroy it real fast, so yet another plus.
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Old 09-26-2016, 03:07 PM
 
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Sure. People do this. I don't think it's all that uncommon a thing.

It's not nice, and it doesn't really accomplish anything, but I don't think it's exceedingly rare or a revelation or anything.
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Old 09-26-2016, 05:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NLVgal View Post
"Wow" is kind of an almost involuntary reponse to visual stimuli. It should be met with amusement and perhaps a gentle ribbing ( forever ) Not a full blown freak out.
Speech is not involuntary..I have little respect for people who have no filter. It's generally rude and low class. Intelligent and respectful people don't comment on how hot people are because they're smart enough to know it doesn't add anything positive to the relationship. Part of my distaste might be my upbringing. My parents never talked like that in front of each other. My mother even told me that was one of the qualities she liked about my father- that he focused on her, didn't comment on other women. They worked together and he didn't openly ogle women like their other crude male coworkers. Also, my father is very intelligent. There are even studies noting that intelligent men have better impulse control in relation to women. Everyone already knows there are attractive people on this earth. No need to mention it.
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Old 09-26-2016, 05:52 PM
 
18,595 posts, read 23,968,350 times
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this sounds like joanie loves chachi...


since I despise arrogance, and self-centeredness...I choose to be humble..


sounds like you need some maturing and....feeling good/comfortable in your own skin


those are cries for attention and insecurities



there are givers in life and takers,,,,drop the takers,,, and hang with givers

f--- the head games,,,,lifes too short
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Old 09-26-2016, 10:37 PM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
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I think people who make a conscious effort to make someone feel less secure are often insecure themselves, or angry. I find the behavior particularly repugnant.
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