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In previous threads, I discussed my anger/explosive issues.
I've been diagnosed with PDD - Persistent Depressive Disorder. I've gone through (and still going through) intense therapy and I'm told that given my past history, and symptoms (lack of enough sleep; appetite swings; lack of initiative; constant criticism; bad temper; feelings of hopelessness at times) I would need to continue therapy and find positive outlets. I have a very good hobby that I enjoy, and try to keep a positive outlook. But my therapist also tells me that I "dwell too much on my past" (losing my Mom suddenly when I was a kid, among other bad experiences over the years), and it's developed into a big "fight or flight" mentality - or rather, being confrontational and having a "in-your-face" type of personality. I've noticed that it's very hard for me to let my guard down, even among loved ones. In a public establishment (say, a restaurant), I just cannot sit with my back to a door! Always looking to see where the next strike is gonna come from.
I'm sure also that this has cost me a couple of relationships. 2016 has been a seesaw; I'm striving to improve and make 2017 better! It's just so damn hard!!!
I think you will have to do the work to overcome your symptoms. I think your therapist is probably making some good points about not dwelling on the past. We have to be aware of our pasts, but going over the bad spells in our lives again and again is not healthy.
Each one of us has had bad, and very bad, things happen to us. But we as humans do have a certain amount of resilience. We have the capacity to bounce back, even if we have to take some time to grieve or lick our wounds. So, you will need to find that resilience in yourself, and understand that everyone has to overcome something. None of gets through life uncscathed.
I want to encourage you to continue your therapy because I think it will help you normalize yourself. And that is what you want, right? You want to be more "normal" with fewer ups and downs and less rage.
I think you can reach a better place within yourself if you do the work. I also want to say, that some of us work on ourselves all our lives. But I think because you want to do this, you can.
I'm interested in who diagnosed you with "persistent depressive disorder." A qualified clinician in the US would properly call it Dysthymia or Dysthymic Disorder. Persistent Depressive Disorder is like a cute "nickname." Like calling Bipolar Disorder "Manic Depression." In the behavioral health community, "PDD" refers to Pervasive Developmental Disorder, something very different.
Or are you in some other country?
I'm interested in who diagnosed you with "persistent depressive disorder." A qualified clinician in the US would properly call it Dysthymia or Dysthymic Disorder. Persistent Depressive Disorder is like a cute "nickname." Like calling Bipolar Disorder "Manic Depression." In the behavioral health community, "PDD" refers to Pervasive Developmental Disorder, something very different.
Or are you in some other country?
I wondered about that too, had not heard that term before, but know what Dysthymia is of course.
I always heard bipolar was a newer name for the old fashioned term manic depression.
I wondered about that too, had not heard that term before, but know what Dysthymia is of course.
I always heard bipolar was a newer name for the old fashioned term manic depression.
Yes, but the "newer" term has been around over 30 years. Nowadays, anyone who says "manic depression" is either a 1) layperson, 2) just using a "nickname," or 3) if a professional, they're very old.
The evolution of dysthymia is a little the opposite. The older term was Dysthymia, the current term is Dysthymic Disorder, and some people in the drafting of DSM 5 wanted the newest term Persistent Depression to be adopted. They lost. So now the only people who use the term are 1) laypeople, 2) people who want to use a cute nickname for a diagnosis, 3) people who are disgruntled about the DSM 5.
To me, Dysthymia is to Persistent Depressive disorder as Dyspepsia is to "upset tummy"
Sometimes the scientific term is just fine on its own. No need to make it cute or more palatable. Might as well rename cancer "cells gone wild."
I'm interested in who diagnosed you with "persistent depressive disorder." A qualified clinician in the US would properly call it Dysthymia or Dysthymic Disorder. Persistent Depressive Disorder is like a cute "nickname." Like calling Bipolar Disorder "Manic Depression." In the behavioral health community, "PDD" refers to Pervasive Developmental Disorder, something very different.
Or are you in some other country?
I'm in the U.S.
Had another session today. I was asked to speak about my past - the good, the bad, and the indifferent. I was always taught not to be stingy; always share and consider others. Which, in my way of thinking, also means to share ideas and be a "team player" in my professional world. I was asked if there were times when I felt that I had been "holding back", and yes, I was not always thoughtful of others...
Today, it was intense. I dug out thoughts deeply imbedded in my memory, was asked to discuss a couple. I'm beginning to understand how I've affected others, and...I'm a little embarrassed to say this, but....
I cried! First, it was silent tears, and then the dam burst and I couldn't hold it in anymore. For those I hurt, for those I cared for, for the damage I'd inflicted (verbally) on others - realizing now that I'd been pushing people away...
I'm no doubt a work in progress. Back at my job, my boss summoned me in to the office. The door was closed, they asked if I was all right, I said I was. I apologized to her about my past episodes; my boss and her boss said, "You're a very good worker, you know how to deal with difficult situations...if you need time off, just say so!" I'm feeling a little better....
Doesn't 'holding back' in your case mean more that when you had a chance to say something in a calm way at the time of whatever the issue is that happened, you didn't - and consequently held it in and let it fester till it all exploded, probably in the wrong place on the wrong person and/or at the wrong time?
I suppose one could say that if you held back the appropriate response at the time of it needing to be used, you were inconsiderate of others but that may be a stretch.
Most parents at some time urge their children to 'share' (i.e. toys, candy, whatever) and not be stingy (when sharing), etc. So you had a decent upbringing but maybe you didn't actually understand what those things meant for an adult?
Doesn't 'holding back' in your case mean more that when you had a chance to say something in a calm way at the time of whatever the issue is that happened, you didn't - and consequently held it in and let it fester till it all exploded, probably in the wrong place on the wrong person and/or at the wrong time?
I suppose one could say that if you held back the appropriate response at the time of it needing to be used, you were inconsiderate of others but that may be a stretch.
Most parents at some time urge their children to 'share' (i.e. toys, candy, whatever) and not be stingy (when sharing), etc. So you had a decent upbringing but maybe you didn't actually understand what those things meant for an adult?
"Holding back" can be used in universal terms. As in holding back information (as you mentioned) pertinent or otherwise. Can also mean holding back repressed feelings/thoughts, etc. Say you suffered a tragedy or loss (a loved one passed away), you may not mourn or grieve immediately. Time goes by, something or someone jolts your thought process, and all of a sudden, the dam bursts. Not uncommon, if you ask me.
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