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Not all of us. Some of us are actually gentlemen and don't objectify women or regard them as conquests. We save our "aggression" for the business world or sports or other appropriate contexts.
We're old now but my wife was a "head-turner" extraordinare when she was young but I doubt anyone has ever gotten anywhere in knowing her who doesn't treat her with total respect. Like you, aging took a lot of the tiresome pressure off her though. The other thing I love about her is none of the attention ever went to her head for even a second. She's always been grounded that way.
I have a simple solution for the OP. Find an even more unattractive person than yourself and befriend them. Then, take them everywhere you go (offer to buy them lunch, that works for unattractive people). All of the stank eye that you normally get will be directed towards your fugly friend.
You don't have to outrun the bear, just the person behind you.
Good advice. I am a female. I was walking one day and a group of adolescent boys were walking a distance ahead of me. They kept turning around and staring at me. I smiled and waved at them. They freaked out and ran. I kid you not. I met up with the same group of boys a couple of blocks over and I smiled and waved again. They picked up the pace and hightailed it out of there.
Very weird. Usually, I would get all upset that men/boys were giving me the "evil eye" or dirty looks, or basically trying to be a*holes. But this time I decided to smile and wave, show them I enjoyed their "attention."
So yeah, I recommend next time a man gives you a dirty look or makes a degrading comment or remark, just smile and wave at him.
I do not reccomend that.
In some places,that could actually start a fight,like in NYC.
Never make eye contact on a NYC train.
That is what i have learned.
Let us say the OP has an out of this world hairdo.
That still does NOT give people the right to look at her weird.
It doesn't give them a right, but it gives them a reason. People are human. Some of them aren't very mature. If you deliberately provoke them (as in your example of looking at someone on a NYC train when you know it tends to provoke suspicion and annoyance) then maybe that's not the most adaptive strategy you could pursue. Those who want to be provocative have to accept the need for thick skin. It doesn't sound like the OP is one of those thick skinned kinds of people.
In any event I'm just a sagging old fart who is not particularly remarkable and people almost never glare at me. By acclimation, others here are making essentially the same claim. So if "everyone" "always" glares at you, it is perfectly reasonable to conclude that you're either exaggerating it in your mind or you're provoking it in some way ... whether or not people "should" react as they do, they are. The only actionable thing then is your attitude / actions / appearance / odor / the people you choose to be around / whatever. You can't change other people, you have no right. You can only change yourself. It's not always "fair" but it's reality.
I dontwalk around joyful and happy not everyone is an extrovert.. But i dont desrve these scowls and noises of disgust.
I'm not saying you should do cartwheels. Just a pleasant and approachable persona is enough. I am an introvert also, so I walk around with a hint of a smile, a bounce in my step and I look down A LOT so I don't have to make eye contact or talk to people if *I* don't want to. Even so, people find me pleasant and say nice things because I am giving off a positive vibe and not a negative one.
I've known a lot of men in my day (well, I don't mean the biblical "known" ).
There are trashy men who get a kick out of objectifying women. These trashy men are equal opportunity insulters: they are as likely to tell a beautiful woman she's ugly, as they are to tell an unattractive woman that. They also like to yell to any woman comments about body parts.
It really isn't about how the woman looks, per se. The point is to let YOU know that he is superior to you and has a right to objectify you, put you in your place.
I am considered an attractive female. I'm older now but still considered attractive (I actually still get an occasional man who'll tell me that...they are strangers...see, even at my age, men are STILL letting me know whether they approve or disapprove of how I look that day, but the men who do it are getting pretty old!). But I've had men insult me. I was walking into a convenience store once. The man walking out said to me, "You're ugly." He was a big burly motorcylce guy, so he knew I couldn't say anything back w/o risking injury. Now...I am not ugly. So why did he say that? Just because. It's just hte flip side of "Hey, beautiful!" Same thing.
What I'm getting at is, even though you think you're not attractive, it's likely that that is not why men are insulting you. It's just the flip side of a compliment on one of your body parts. It's the similar thing.
Second, it is not all or even most men. I've known too many men who don't do that. I've been standing near REALLY unattractive women in stores before, and men don't pay attention at all. They're busy. So stop trying to say it's all men. It's not.
My brother has never commented on a woman being unattractive where she could hear, if at all. That would be unkind. Although he's not averse to her overhearing that he thinks she's attractive.
Third, it's possible that YOU are staring at them, so they react. If you're in a store, they are shopping. They're not paying a whole lot of attention to the other shoppers, unless the other shoppers do something to call their attention.
Fourth, is it possible there's something unusual about how you are dressed? I don't mean to imply the old "how were you dressed" question to the alleged rape victim, but it's possible it would call attention to yourself if you were dressed too provocatively for a grocery store or for your age or figure. This really seems to catch men's attention. The really big woman wearing a low cut, skin tight top, or super tight skinny jeans. I think they regard such a woman as trying to be flirtatious with men, when she is so obviously not lookin' good in that outfit or it's inappropriate for who she is and where she is.
Finally, I am wondering if you have a severe complex about your appearance. You are lucky you're female, because we women can do so much more for our appearance than men can. There's no reason to be unattractive these days; it's all image. Healthy, shiny hair; a fit figure; cometics; clothes that fit properly; good posture; a smile. I saw a beauty book once that had photos of famous female celebrities with and without makeup and fixed hair. You would not believe the difference. Some of them were VERY unattractive without the "image." So if you don't like the way you look, do something about it. I only say that because you seem like you may have a complex about it.
Oh, and...stop looking at men in stores. If they're coughing a lot or something, I can understand it. But I never even notice other customers much. I'm busy. I rarely make eye contact...I'm busy looking at my list and the items in the store.
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