If you ignore an introvert will it make them speak? (husband, college)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Aredhel--excellent points. I appreciate them so much.
I cannot talk to his mother about his introversion. She becomes angry at me and quite defensive. She is not interested in my opinions, sort of like an aging teenager, and I don't wish to incur her wrath. Last month she had spoken to a psychologist and it was suggested he could have some form of autism. But I would rather jump into a bed of hot coals than to suggest that to her.
It sounds like your daughter has chosen denial as a coping mechanism. Unfortunately, this isn't going to help your grandson at all. For his sake, I'd brave the hot coals and keep talking to her about it. Social skills CAN be learned, given the right sort of practice, and it's not fair to the boy to let him grow up with such a severe uncorrected deficit (any more than it would be fair to let him go without eyeglasses or hearing aids if he really needed them simply because his parents didn't want to admit to themselves that he had vision or hearing problems). Your grandson's needs should come first!
There are different ways to communicate to another endeared loved one. Try engaging in a hobby he likes. My grandson is very reserved. he engages thru activity. Ping pong,soccer, or board games. Yes he is a teen...partly disengaged from "us" old folks...mostly though he is quiet,well mannered . Ignoring him is not the answer. He isn't a mushroom.
Most parents are attuned to their kids disposition. Be part of the solution. As my grand dad said... not all kites catch the wind...sometime you need to create that environment. Encourage...accept ..and participate.
I don't think ignoring an introvert (or depressed person) will snap them out of it. I think it would simply hurt their feelings just as it would feel hurtful to any other human being.
I think that if you don't look at him at all nor speak, you'd probably push him further into his shell in addition to hurting his feelings.
^THIS. Being an introvert isn't a disease (though it has felt that way for me sometimes). He needs to learn how to socialize though it doesn't come naturally. He may have some social anxiety and shyness to go along with being an introvert. Being an introvert doesn't mean he can't have one on one conversations. He may very well be depressed. I know I was at 17. I also had all the other stuff going on I just mentioned.
I think therapy is needed to build his confidence. You do need to discuss this with his mother and help her come up with a plan. Also, engage him in things he's interested in such as guitar. Taking a genuine interest will go a long way.
My seventeen year old grandson is allegedly an introvert. I know he likes being by himself to play his guitar and watch tv. If forced to attend a family gathering he will just roam around not saying a word and, to me, it seems very rude. In fact, if his mother tells him to say hello to me he will actually say it in a whisper without even looking at me! At holiday parties his other grandmother will host forty relatives and he'll simply sit in a chair looking straight ahead. He asked his mother if he could leave and she said no.
That sounds exactly like me except I'm in my mid twenties.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O
I was wondering : if I don't look at him at all or speak about him in front of others as if he isn't even there do you think it would snap him out of it?
No, if it is autism, the stimuli will be to much alone. It will help but not snap him out of it.
1. I always have better luck when we start to play games as my attention, and others attention, can be focused else where.
2. I have been around some that can only communicate through board games(heavily autistic). What ever the case, you have to learn to speak their language and manipulate their focus.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O
I dread Christmas because I'm afraid he won't come over here. That would really hurt my feelings. Or do you think he has a personality disorder that many kids take for depression?
You do understand that a person that has compound issues(social anxiety, autism, introvert) sees social events as hell. View it as making an extrovert spend the holidays alone. Then add on a day of isolation for every person there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O
Or do you think he has a personality disorder.?
It could be, is this just Christmas or is this other holidays as well? This could happen to someone who is just an introvert. Introverts recharge by being along. If he is worn out by Christmas Day, like many, he just might be too tired to interact. People placing more expectations on him are only going to wear him out more.
Status:
"Octopi tastes like snake"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: in the miseries
3,573 posts, read 4,490,757 times
Reputation: 4406
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O
My seventeen year old grandson is allegedly an introvert. I know he likes being by himself to play his guitar and watch tv. If forced to attend a family gathering he will just roam around not saying a word and, to me, it seems very rude. In fact, if his mother tells him to say hello to me he will actually say it in a whisper without even looking at me! At holiday parties his other grandmother will host forty relatives and he'll simply sit in a chair looking straight ahead. He asked his mother if he could leave and she said no.
I was wondering : if I don't look at him at all or speak about him in front of others as if he isn't even there do you think it would snap him out of it? Or do you think he has a personality disorder that many kids take for depression?
I dread Christmas because I'm afraid he won't come over here. That would really hurt my feelings.
No. let him participate if he wants to.
People are different.
As the grandmother I would back off. Not your child.
And yes there is concern, I don't like small talk but I'm far from an introvert.
How about some talk therapy, has he ever had any.
Years ago someone told me shyness and introvert person is selfish.
My grandson is 16 and I rarely see him but I don't get upset. We don't have big family doings so I've adjusted very well. He's not my son either. I love him no matter what he is. Keep loving him and don't worry, it's his life.
My seventeen year old grandson is allegedly an introvert. I know he likes being by himself to play his guitar and watch tv. If forced to attend a family gathering he will just roam around not saying a word and, to me, it seems very rude. In fact, if his mother tells him to say hello to me he will actually say it in a whisper without even looking at me! At holiday parties his other grandmother will host forty relatives and he'll simply sit in a chair looking straight ahead. He asked his mother if he could leave and she said no.
I was wondering : if I don't look at him at all or speak about him in front of others as if he isn't even there do you think it would snap him out of it? Or do you think he has a personality disorder that many kids take for depression?
I dread Christmas because I'm afraid he won't come over here. That would really hurt my feelings.
Introverts don't like big, noisy gatherings. Nobody likes being around someone who doesn't like them and thinks there's something wrong with them.
Making a point of ignoring someone is rude and I can't fathom why you think it's going to turn your grandson into an extrovert.
Since your grandson likes to play his guitar, why not ask him to bring it along the next time he's over.
Last edited by sheerbliss; 11-28-2016 at 06:33 PM..
I think you just need to leave him alone, I been that way for 52 years, I dont talk to people, I have no phone, I like being alone. There nothing wrong with him. It just his type of personality, not everybody are the party animal. I hate crowds too
I am also shy and very introverted. The best way to get to know me is to do it in a very small group of people (3 or 5-ish people) that I know already, and am comfortable with.
If I'm in a large group, forget it. All I'm thinking about is leaving.
I don't do one-on-one well either, especially if I don't know you very well.
Please be kind to him. He's trying his best to deal with the world in a way he can handle.
Extroverts imploring us to be more social doesn't make us feel better, it makes us feel worse.
He might benefit from a counselor who can explain to him that his introversion is not a bad thing. It's just a difficult thing in a world of extroverts, and there's nothing wrong with it.
Perhaps, as his caring grandmother, you might seek an expert's explanation of introversion as well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
