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Old 12-02-2016, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Southeast Michigan
2,851 posts, read 2,284,824 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I think you are right. Unconditional love comes with parenthood, and it just IS. You don't will it into existence.

I have a friend who never liked children. Wouldn't hold a friend's baby, couldn't even tell the difference between one friend's baby and the other friend's baby.

Then she got married and had a daughter. When the baby was about a month old, her husband remarked, "I love our daughter so much, but you will always be first in my heart." She said it felt so awkward because she couldn't return the sentiment. Her first thought was, "If necessary, I would kill you to save her."
Men love their children differently. For women, the maternal instinct just kicks in, often even before giving birth. For men, it's the product of the process of raising their children.

I didn't love my first child when he was born. I actually thought there was something wrong with me since I looked at him and felt nothing. I mean, I had good feelings, wanted to protect and nurture him, but it wasn't any different from seeing any other babies. It was only as he started to change and develop his personality that I started to love him - and I love him the person, not just a living creature that is related to me.
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Old 12-02-2016, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA, now.
21,020 posts, read 19,260,770 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Well, even if it's something I cannot have,
I'm truly glad YOU'VE got it, Miss Hepburn!
I think that might be the cutest and sweetest and funniest thing anyone has ever said....
Thank you, MQ!!!
And hey, I'm really sorry about the lack of Nutella.
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Old 12-02-2016, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,224 posts, read 84,144,315 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
This is disturbing beyond disturbing. Makes me want to never get married or have kids.
Rofl. They are long divorced. As a matter of fact, that baby is now my hairdresser. She just put color on my roots, and I'm sitting here processing.

I get what she meant, though. The maternal instinct when they are infants is pretty strong. She and the daughter have had their conflicts over the years.

Having kids is a huge risk and you are righr to be hesitant if you don't really want that risk. I love my daughter, and we are close. I never had those typical teenage hormonal.problems or anything with her growing up. She was a good student and a band geek in high school. She is mad brilliant...with some emphasis on the mad part. She has bi-polar disorder and was hospitalized twice this year. On the flip side, she speaks and writes several languages, particularly Mandarin, and is going for her Ph.D. She will never have children. Never wanted them, and she can't be pregnant and take the medication she needs anyway.

Motherhood for me is a combination of great love and pain.

Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 12-02-2016 at 09:58 AM..
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Old 12-02-2016, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Mayberry
36,363 posts, read 15,966,120 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bewitchyou View Post
When we feel embarrassed for someone, that is an interesting one. Those moments when we get love and lust twisted, there is a difference! Being able to not just feel emotions but to verbally express them, and then in turn some people being able to empathize or sympathize with you, depending on the situation.


Another emotion, sadness...we cry when we are sad, we get depressed (this is a dark form of emotions because it causes people to end their lives, sometimes we bottle up our emotions, which is never a safe thing to do. Anger is a very powerful yet misunderstood emotion, ironically it is one i am afraid of because i don't want to hurt people! Even though i am a person that bottles up emotions, i do wonder..where do they go when we don't express them? Isn't that a strange phenomenon?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nothere1 View Post
...This is going to sound cliché, but empathy. I have a real hard time feeling emotions, have all my life. I have come off very cold and rigid to most because of this. I think logically and just believe in cause and effect. I can think how awful when someone gets cancer out of the blue or an astronomical statistical misfortune, but that is all it is, a thought. I don't really feel it. I come off as a psychopath to many, but I don't have the drive to harm anyone who doesn't mean harm to me.
...It makes life really difficult. I can't cry or feel bad when love one dies. Everyone wonders why I don't look sad or upset in the slightest. I hate that they're gone, but it is a cycle and I except it. I hate that I can't feel love. Whenever I was around a girlfriend, I got anxious and liked being around her, but I didn't really feel love like others do. Because I am bad with emotions, I have had to study emotions to know what is normal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXT3nx-nuyM
If someone does something that Embarrasses them, I immediately go to Empathy, the ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes, that's what I think it means and I do that automatically. Why? I have no idea. As far as long term illness, no it's more of a caring feeling, I don't obsess about it. I've always rooted for the underdog and I think a lot of it, is because that's how I see myself. Maybe, I don't know, it can get me in trouble.

A dog where I work (caregiver) is being neglected by the 10 yr old owner, no one in the house is a dog person, the boy shows no interest, no interaction. I step out when I can and give the dog lovins and water. But I have said stuff I shouldn't have, I could lose my job. It's excruciating sometimes

Humor in the wrong context, I do that sometimes, comes off as sarcasm, maybe that's how I see it too, not sure.
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Old 12-02-2016, 10:57 AM
 
343 posts, read 314,716 times
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having mixed emotions, being passive aggressive, being incapable of making decisions or afraid of making decisions, being afraid of change, being in denial, not feeling worthy, control freaks, being very angry and blowing up over little things.
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Old 12-02-2016, 11:02 AM
bg7
 
7,694 posts, read 10,517,763 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ummagumma View Post
Men love their children differently. For women, the maternal instinct just kicks in, often even before giving birth. For men, it's the product of the process of raising their children.

I didn't love my first child when he was born. I actually thought there was something wrong with me since I looked at him and felt nothing. I mean, I had good feelings, wanted to protect and nurture him, but it wasn't any different from seeing any other babies. It was only as he started to change and develop his personality that I started to love him - and I love him the person, not just a living creature that is related to me.


Me too. My children are the biggest part of my life now, I would have no hesitation surrendering my life for them if it meant they could continue living. But when they were born I was fairly indifferent to them apart from wanting to protect them because they were so fragile. Love came with time. By about 3 yrs I was smitten.
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Old 12-02-2016, 01:30 PM
 
42,732 posts, read 29,772,490 times
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I might not be the right person to answer this question, because I am the happiest person I know. I get grumpy, I get angry, but my default setting just tends to be happy. When I was a baby, my parents talk about how they would put me in my crib to sleep, and they would hear giggles coming from the nursery. They'd go in, and I would just be giggling in my sleep.

A professor once told me that happiness is just those moments when we aren't in pain. No physical pain, no emotional pain. I think he felt like adults really aren't ever free of pain, so they never really experience happiness. But I know when I wake up in the morning, and the sun is shining outside, and my dog is wagging her tail and kissing me, I feel happy. When I'm driving to work and I cut through a valley that's shrouded in fog, and then through the fog I see a gigantic pine tree, perfectly shaped, truly beautiful, I feel happy. When I'm walking the dog, and it hasn't been raining or anything, and I look up to see an enormous double rainbow, I feel happy. When I read a great book, or hear music that I love, or just have a moment that I feel like I've really experienced, really lived in that moment, I feel reminded that I live in a glorious world, and that the people around me have so many gifts that they willingly share with the world, and it makes me happy.

I think joy is rare, but for me it's those moments when I don't just feel connected to others, but I sense strongly how we are all a part of something greater than us, and I feel all the greatness of that, of being just a small part of something universal and tremendous and infinite, that gives me joy.

Many people seem to think that their emotions and the rational parts of their brains are in conflict. But I have always felt like they are in-sync. And that everything that has ever happened to me, good or bad, has helped to make me who I am today. And I like me, who I am today. I like that each person I've come across has played a part in making me who I am, that I've taken something from every experience. And I guess I choose to be happy. Not mindless happy, but happy because I can appreciate the beauty and joy that is all around us, and the fact that beauty and joy is in the patterns of the world around us.
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Old 12-02-2016, 01:57 PM
 
9,238 posts, read 22,823,813 times
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I'm another one that cannot understand the concept of loving sports, or following/loving a sports team.
Well, I guess I can intellectually grasp someone loving sports. I don't see the attraction myself, but I "get" that many people like to watch them.


But the thing I really can't grasp is being a fan of a particular team. I live in an area where there are tons of people who live and breathe Penn State. They have bumper stickers on their cars, flags on their houses. If you ask them "did you go to Penn State?" or "do you have a kid that goes to Penn State?" very few would say yes. So they have no personal connection to the school or its sports teams, but they "love" the school and its teams? Why?


People who watch football on TV every weekend to see their favorite professional or college team play--it just perplexes me. If they live in Philly and like the Eagles for instance, I guess I can see that, feeling that it's "their" team. But I know people in my geographic area who are diehard fans of teams like Green Bay or New England or Seattle. Really? Unless you have a brother or nephew who play on that team, or a daughter who works for them or owns them, what's the connection you have to them? What makes you attach yourself to a college team at a school you never attended, and you have no one close to you who plays? Is it just the colors or uniforms?


Even when I was young and took part in certain sports, I never felt like they were important. They were just something I did because they were fun or because my friends did them too. I ran track in high school, and I cared if I won my race, or beat my own best time, or if my best friend won her race, and sure I'd cheer on my teammates. But if we lost the meet but I had gotten my best time ever, I certainly wasn't going to be sad.


When I was a cheerleader, we had to ride the bus with the basketball players we cheered for. If they lost a game, we had to be very quiet in the back of the bus and not talk loudly or (god forbid) laugh at something. Oh no, it was sooooo important that the basketball players had lost a game, so the coaches made sure we all sulked, or pretended to! I was always like "okay that game is over, can we all just live our lives now, and that means being teenagers, and talking and laughing." Likewise, if the team won, I would cheer, because that was our job, to yell and act happy if our team scored or won. But I never FELT it. It was just an act on my part. I remember one time a couple of cheerleaders were crying, actually crying, because our team had lost a football or basketball game. I was so confused as to what on earth would cause then to cry? It wasn't like they (the girls) made a bad play or lost the game for everyone. If I did something personally to ruin something for my whole team, then yes, I'd probably cry, but if the team just lost, and I had not even played, I could not work up a fraction of the emotion it would take to cry about it.


I always say, when it comes to caring about sports, I guess I'm missing a gene.
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Old 12-02-2016, 02:05 PM
 
4,299 posts, read 2,797,525 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nothere1 View Post
...This is going to sound cliché, but empathy. I have a real hard time feeling emotions, have all my life. I have come off very cold and rigid to most because of this. I think logically and just believe in cause and effect. I can think how awful when someone gets cancer out of the blue or an astronomical statistical misfortune, but that is all it is, a thought. I don't really feel it. I come off as a psychopath to many, but I don't have the drive to harm anyone who doesn't mean harm to me.
...It makes life really difficult. I can't cry or feel bad when love one dies. Everyone wonders why I don't look sad or upset in the slightest. I hate that they're gone, but it is a cycle and I except it. I hate that I can't feel love. Whenever I was around a girlfriend, I got anxious and liked being around her, but I didn't really feel love like others do. Because I am bad with emotions, I have had to study emotions to know what is normal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXT3nx-nuyM
I think I'm what you call a cold empath if that makes any sense but I don't know. I feel like I don't fit in any sort of box most of the time so I don't know if I'm explaining this right. When I love and feel for other people I do it with all my heart and I can even "feel" when someone is "off" in some way visually a lot of times but with many people I am indifferent. I almost feel like two different people. I don't really understand it.

I always try to advise people when I can because I like to solve the puzzle but it seems to me I do it in a cold manner. Sometimes I am even like that with myself. At the slightest rush of negative emotion, this huge part of me tells me to suck it up. I remember when I was a child and my mom got angry. Instead of crying about it I just laughed. There's this constant battle in my head. I will post and share my feelings when they are intense enough so people often seem to think I like to wallow in misery but I find that it's often about more practical things like if some random person doesn't want to be my friend "okay who needs them" but if someone rejects me for a job that's when my heart breaks. Even then when I look back at it I sometimes think what the hell is wrong with me? So knowing this I try to avoid thinking about it so it doesn't come out. If I do think about it, I'll do my best to build up anger instead to keep from feeling that way. Another childhood memory was when my father would yell, I would slam the door instead of crying in my room. IRL I do my best to keep my feelings to myself most of the time.
I think this might partly be why I feel mostly dead lately. I can't be happy but am tired of feeling sad so the coldness in me is just like "we're done here lets not feel anything"

As you said when someone says they get cancer, I think "oh that's really sad" but unless I feel a deep enough connection to them, I don't feel for them. It's hard to relate to people because it takes a certain kind of person for me to connect. Some people will even relate to me but often I don't relate back so it makes it easy for relationships to be one sided with me. It's weird. I had loads of crushes for guys in school but I don't think I would have dated most of them. I had friends but even in school I rarely felt close to them and even if I did we have lost touch.

What do you do when people cry in front of you? I know with me most of the time I feel really uncomfortable. I'm thinking instantly "what am I supposed to do here?" and then after processing it "okay I am supposed to hug them I would think but idk how this is going to help. is it going to feel genuine"

I imagine it should be a good thing because I can get sarcastic with people online because I strive to defend from rudeness on principle and usually feel nothing but pity for them or amusement no matter what they say but at the same time it's like when people say I'm sorry this has happened to you or you're a beautiful person in my mind I might appreciate it but it doesn't really have an effect on me emotionally.

Last edited by Nickchick; 12-02-2016 at 03:34 PM..
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Old 12-02-2016, 02:49 PM
 
1,347 posts, read 938,351 times
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+1 for not understanding the intense devotion to sports.

Gonna take a risk here... "my relationship with God" or "my relationship with Jesus". I see/hear this fairly often from some of my religious acquaintances (I am agnostic). Uh... how exactly does one experience this alleged "relationship" with a being that doesn't exist in the physical world?
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