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Old 12-05-2016, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Wandering in the Dothraki sea
1,397 posts, read 1,612,198 times
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I just got out of a 3 year relationship. I was miserable for most of it. This summer I started looking at my own places and everything. After a big fight, my ex decided to go on a date with his friends sister.


This flipped a switch in me and I suddenly had to have him back. I tried for a month with no success, despite him waffling back and forth. Of course, I'm crushed.

This is so frustrating. I WANTED it to end! Why would his sudden unavailability cause me so much heartbreak?
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Old 12-05-2016, 01:42 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,086 posts, read 107,144,259 times
Reputation: 115880
IDK, OP. That's strange. You should be saying, "Good riddance!" Make it your mantra. You're behaving neurotically. You don't need this guy.
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Old 12-06-2016, 08:17 PM
 
9,446 posts, read 6,534,057 times
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Maybe you just haven't learned how to be happy and are actually kind of addicted to being miserable. Do you think you only deserve to be miserable?
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Old 12-07-2016, 01:40 PM
 
9,238 posts, read 22,815,357 times
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Not exactly "reverse psychology."


Reverse psychology would be:
Telling someone you DON'T want them to do something when you really WANT them to do it.
Or giving a whole bunch of reasons why something is "bad" with the hope that this will make the person decide it's "good."
Telling a little kid that he's probably "too little" to eat broccoli in order to get him to want it is reverse psychology.


Maybe in the world of romantic relationships, reverse psychology might include things like:
Acting like you're not interested in someone to try to make them interested
Acting like you want to be with someone when you really hope it will make them go away






But what this looks like is "I was glad to away from my ex until he started dating someone else. Now I want him." That's more like a "sour grapes" (or perhaps "sweet lemon") rationalization than it is about "reverse psychology."


Sour grapes is when you become (or act) unhappy or negative to have something that's actually good (like your freedom from this guy).
Sweet lemon would be if you are happy/positive (or act happy/positive) about something that's actually bad. This guy was "bad" but now I'm painting him in a positive light for whatever reason.
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Old 12-08-2016, 08:36 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,214,002 times
Reputation: 16579
Quote:
Originally Posted by JC84 View Post
I just got out of a 3 year relationship. I was miserable for most of it. This summer I started looking at my own places and everything. After a big fight, my ex decided to go on a date with his friends sister.


This flipped a switch in me and I suddenly had to have him back. I tried for a month with no success, despite him waffling back and forth. Of course, I'm crushed.

This is so frustrating. I WANTED it to end! Why would his sudden unavailability cause me so much heartbreak?
Because you find it hard to believe that he CAN be happy without you, and that he has moved on in his life.
Now you need to believe that YOU can be happy without him, and move on in yours....

It's not reverse psychology that's causing you to feel that way....it's more that you don't have faith in yourself, and maybe never recognized that about yourself until he was gone...
You say you were miserable during almost the whole relationship with him....why are you trying to hang onto that?
Would you be willing to be miserable with him again if it meant no one else would have him?
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