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I would totally agree with you except if I were applying and the place were too cheap to have a pen or pencil to fill out the application, then they're probably too bad to work for. I left them later and found out still later that the man in charge was wanted by Interpol.
Would not matter if you agreed or not, if you didn't have a pencil, you would not be working there anyway, bad or good. In hiring, the Employer ALWAYS rules.
Exactly! And I'm a case in point. Since my very early years I've been shy, introverted, and found it difficult to look people in the eyes when talking with them.
Several years ago I decided to change this. You may find this pathetic but I practiced smiling in the mirror until I could call up a convincing smile, then began practicing it on strangers in public, shopping etc. The more I did this the more it became a learned behavior and these days I always have a ready smile for everybody. It makes me feel good when they smile back.
Not content with this, I began starting conversations with complete strangers, again while shopping. I discovered that the more I did it the easier it became, and I've reached the point that I entertain myself with chatting with other shoppers particularly in the check out line, and enjoy it.
Finally, the eye to eye thing. It made me uncomfortable. I just forced myself to look directly at peoples' eyes no matter how uncomfortable it was for me. Again as I persisted it became easier and easier until today it's no effort at all, and gives me a feeling of being more connected to friends, family and strangers.
Admittedly this is not a huge personality change but these days I feel much more connected with other people ranging from friends to complete strangers, I feel more connected to humanity, I enjoy my shopping trips more and I enjoy the social stimulation I had previously cut myself off from.
But as I said perhaps this is not a personality change as much as a learned shift of personality. Fake it and get used to it and at some point you aren't faking it any more. Perhaps it's a small personality change. I can live with that, and it has improved my appreciation of social interactions.
You can make changes like this provided (1) you recognize a need for change, and (2) are willing to take the steps to accomplish your desired change.
what you did was change your "Behavior" and not your Personality. You decided it would be more "Rewarding" to you to change your behavior, so you did. Your Personality remained the same, but appeared different to others, only after the changes. Your last sentence verifies that. You recognized the the fact that changes promised you a reward in social life, and made changes in behavior with the same Personality you always had.
Bully - a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
Bullies - use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
Saying you never bullied is like saying you never lied, it is denial or you're rationalizing. The world if full of bulling, look all around you, it is there. While I never beat up anyone for their lunch money or shoved someone in a locker, I bullied. I used my influence, as I was scrawny kid, to intimidate others into doing something. I went to a decent sized school too, and didn't know one person there that didn't bully at their time there. Look at the word at any light you want, it still means what it means.
As for the original post, I find it rare for people to change. However, I believe they can, so much I chose a religion that hinges on that.
As usual, nice chatting with you.
Nope, not everyone is a Bully or has been a Bully at one time or another. Once a Bully always a Bully, even if you don't engage in it, the present time. The tendency will always remain, since its a part of your Personality. What you did was change your "Behavior" as I said before. If you read my previous post, the driving factors that change behavior are promise of reward, or threat of punishment. In your case, I would assume "Promise of Reward" since you went to a Religion to make your life better. In another case, one may stop being a Bully because they recognize that as an adult, its no longer "Bullying" and becomes "Assault" that is not acceptable, and you can go to jail for it, so they change behavior for threat of punishment, be it peer pressure, or fear of the Law.
People seem to have a problem distinguishing Personality from Behavior. They are very distinctly different.
I know from experience that the death of a loved one or suffering a concussion and a disability from being in a car accident will change your behavior and your attitude about life.
what you did was change your "Behavior" and not your Personality. You decided it would be more "Rewarding" to you to change your behavior, so you did. Your Personality remained the same, but appeared different to others, only after the changes. Your last sentence verifies that. You recognized the the fact that changes promised you a reward in social life, and made changes in behavior with the same Personality you always had.
I guess it depends on whether you regard shyness as an aspect of personality. I truly feel no shyness anymore. And even more, I now enjoy these social interactions that were previously missing from my life, previously difficult to deal with. Whether that is a personality change is I guess debatable.
Interesting question. As a Retired Employer, I attended many meetings and classes on Employees and Potential Employees given by a Major Corporation I worked for in a capacity of Director for two Departments. Our Instructor went into a lot of depth on this question. He said a "Personality" is set from Birth by your surroundings and the influences one is exposed to. These are traits that remain and are ingrained, and don't change. However, you can modify "Behavior" which is often confused with Personality. They are two different things. You can Modify Behavior by threat of Punishment, or by promise of a Reward.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boris347
Once a Bully always a Bully, even if you don't engage in it, the present time. The tendency will always remain, since its a part of your Personality. What you did was change your "Behavior" as I said before.
Personality is usually broken into components called the Big Five, which are openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism (or emotional stability). These components are generally stable over time, and about half of the variance appears to be attributable to a person's genetics rather than the effects of one's environment.
- Lucas & Baird 2004, p. 473-485.
- Briley, D. A., Tucker-Drob, E. M. (2014). "Genetic and environmental continuity in personality development: A meta-analysis". Psychological Bulletin. 140 (5): 1303–31. doi:10.1037/a0037091. PMC*4152379. PMID*24956122.
Some research has investigated whether the relationship between happiness and extraversion seen in adults can also be seen in children. The implications of these findings can help identify children that are more likely to experience episodes of depression and develop types of treatment that such children are likely to respond to. In both children and adults, research shows that genetics, as opposed to environmental factors, exert a greater influence on happiness levels. Personality is not stable over the course of a lifetime, but it changes much more quickly during childhood, so personality constructs in children are referred to as temperament. Temperament is regarded as the precursor to personality.
- Holder & Klassen 2010, p. 419–439.
In addition, certain physiological functions such as hormone secretion also affect personality. For example, the hormone testosterone is important for sociability, affectivity, aggressiveness, and sexuality.
Funder, David (February 2001). "PERSONALITY". Annual Review of Psychology. 52 (1): 197–221. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.52.1.197.
I see your motivational speaker and raise you multiple psychologist. ,
I'm not sure if this topic should be here or in another forum.
I understand and know that people can change in certain ways..
One can go from being an addict to being in recovery..
Unhealthy to being a fitness freak..
Etc....
Can a person with a pretty nasty disposition, ugly personality, change to being someone they were not before..
Would it be genuine change or somewhat of a false change?
I've been faced with making a decision to interview and hire a person I haven seen in 30 years..
This person was very nasty when he was younger, a bully, just downright unpleasant..
I'm trying to be as unbiased as possible, BUT of course I can not help but to remember this person as he once was and People do tend to show differently at interviews..
Can a leopard truly change his spots personality wise?
I'm looking forward to hearing some thoughts.
I'm not sure that someone going from overweight to a healthy lifestyle is a personality shift. If someone was a food addict or alcoholic then becomes a fitness freak, they're just substituting one addiction for another.
I'm outgoing, but only in certain situations and when I control the level of access people have to me. If I don't have a "valve" to shut down people when I think they've had too much access, I get uncomfortable. I don't think any kind of conditioning will change that type of personality trait.
I'm outgoing, but only in certain situations and when I control the level of access people have to me. If I don't have a "valve" to shut down people when I think they've had too much access, I get uncomfortable. I don't think any kind of conditioning will change that type of personality trait.
Sure you can change that. Your comments don't give enough detail to give you any advice, and of course we aren't going to "shrink" anybody on this forum, but you can change those elements of your personality by understanding them and working on modifying your feelings. I would suggest you focus on your feelings regarding "people have too much access" and identify why you feel that way. When you understand what causes that feeling you can ponder a strategy to avoid that, or work on a strategy to not feel that way, or both. IMO practically form of self improvement involves understanding what it is you want to improve, and identifying the steps you must take to achieve your goals.
I discussed this topic with a friend who is a clinical psychologist (Psy.D degree) and I myself minored in Psych at the same university, so we often discuss psychology -- a common interest. I told her my example I posted earlier in the topic that I had addressed my perceived shyness as something I wanted to change, how I did it, and my end result, and she agreed that I had indeed effected a change in personality. Further, she said that current thinking in psychology is that personality evolves throughout life, either as a result of your life experience or can be a result of your conscious effort to change. Yeah I know it's lame that I'm using a source who I cannot name.
I minored in Psych while getting my BSEE degree because I have always wanted to understand people better. In part it was due to wanting to understand my own problems in dealing with people, and also because I just wanted to know what makes people "tick." I figured it would help me later in life in dealing with and understanding people. I hadn't considered that it could help me understand and improve my own life, but it has worked out that way.
I will temper my comments by agreeing that it would be very difficult to change MAJOR components of your personality. -- If you tortured and killed neighborhood pets and started lots of fires, chances are you will have a strong tendency to become a serial killer. -- I'm not discussing psychosis and neurosis here, only minor shifts in your personality. By the way my friend tells me that the idea of neuroses is out of favor in modern psychology, and has instead been divided into a variety of DSM conditions.
Lastly, I would like to add my version of a PSA: It is an accepted statistic that one out of three persons will suffer psychiatric symptoms at some point in their life that would benefit from professional treatment. If you experience such symptoms you are in good company considering how frequently these problems manifest, and there is no shame in seeking help. If you ever feel that you have problems you can't solve please ask any healthcare professional (like your doctor) for a referral, and at least get a little bit of counseling to see if you would benefit from treatment.
The choice is yours: suffer or take the chance that treatment may benefit you. Just remember that it is no stigma to seek help.
That's a hard one. I think your basic personality is formed at a very young age. I think you have to go with your gut on this one. Is that inner voice saying take a chance or run?
I once read that 50% of our personality is cast in stone by the age of 7! And by the age of 12? 18?
I asked a similar question how can I be more disciplined and complete things or focus on one thing.
He said that trying to change your nature causes inner rebellion,I don't know the right answer
I try to be dedicated and stick to one thing and complete it but I'd appreciate tips on staying that way.
My wife has always struggled with her focus and staying on task. Within the last year, she has been on medication, which has completely changed her perspective. Now, she tends to focus on one thing too long and resorts to a timer to tell her when to wrap things up and move on to the next.
I asked her what she would prefer and her overwhelming response was, she wanted to stay focused. She hated getting easily distracted and incapable of finishing what she started.
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