A friend with schizophrenia and delusions towards me (men, relationship, people)
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Unfortunately I have a lot of personal experience with mental illness in loved ones and friends, because both my brother and my mother suffer from mental illness. My brother's is more severe (paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder - sort of hard to tell where one stops and the other starts). My mom is bipolar and if I had to guess I'd say Bipolar 2 rather than 1. Both are on meds and in therapy. My brother is 100 percent disabled by his severe mental illness. My mom can function fairly well but is still extremely moody, and off her meds she has a long history of raising complete and utter hell in her interpersonal relationships.
Growing up around this, I have a higher than average tolerance level for this sort of thing but I agree with you - IT GETS VERY OLD and rarely gets better over time, even with treatment. I mean, people CAN get better, but let's face it - these conditions are never cured, they are only managed. And frankly, they take a toll on us over the years.
I have four adult kids. I'd say of the four, two inherited my very pragmatic, objective, and mentally healthy state of mind and personality. One is very emotionally volatile and probably emotionally a bit unstable, but I wouldn't say she is mentally ill, just more on the other end of the healthy spectrum from me. And one is probably mentally ill - he currently suffers from PTSD after several years in a combat unit in Iraq, and he has always been challenging due to his dyslexia coupled with a high IQ. He's been diagnosed with PTSD, and been prescribed meds, but he won't take them.
I also had a very good friend who was bipolar. She would get on and off her meds. On her meds, she was great to be around and we enjoyed each other's company and were also there for each other during hard times. But she would not stay on her meds, and frankly, I couldn't deal with her when she was off them. I finally had to cut off all communication with her after begging her to continue treatment, which she refused to do and instead began bulldozing every healthy boundary I tried to put into place.
In fact, the boundary issue is the one that becomes so problematic with some mentally ill loved ones. Every one I've had to deal with, come to think of it. I have yet to know a mentally ill person who could consistently respect healthy personal boundaries.
After a hellacious visit with my son just a few weeks ago, I told him this: "It's very costly to love you. Sometimes I feel like it may cost too much. I am not sure I can emotionally afford a close relationship with you." Sad but true.
This did get his attention, but probably only because I am his mother and he doesn't want to completely lose that relationship.
I think that many mentally ill people, treated or untreated, have no idea the toll they take on others. Look, I'm truly sorry they are mentally ill. I truly, truly am. But that doesn't mean I have to sacrifice my own emotional and mental wellbeing, and that's often what they (perhaps inadvertently) require.
I don't WANT to be sucked into the same place they are.
When I became single again in my 40s and began dating, one of my personal deal breakers was mental illness. I am sorry - I don't care how well one's medication works, if a person was on a psychotropic medication, that ruled out an intimate relationship or even a close friendship with them in my book. I know the long term costs of such relationships. I have three mentally ill loved ones that I HAVE to incorporate into my life in some form or fashion. I do not have to make those concessions with voluntary relationships and I choose not to.
You have gone through a lot. Must be a lot more difficult when a family member has a mental illness, harder to just walk away. :-( Yes, you have to be a stable person yourself, and put the boundaries when having a close relationship with a mental illness person. I couldn't do it with my bpd friend which I only know realize. I have never had that kind of problems with my 'schizophrenia friend' as she was almost the opposite one, withdrawing and more the quiet type. Probably that's why I haven't felt overwhelmed with that relationship.
Traditional and tribal societies have very high rates of recovery for schizophrenia as they view it as malignant and not malignant spirits harassing the person and influencing their behaviour,and crossing the veil.the west continues to believe it's a mechanical malfunction and has low recovery rates,with people seemingly getting worse by the day
I just know that she was a lot different than almost two months ago so I was just wondering that what's going on.
Well, medication changes alone can seriously alter mood and affect. The meds common for schizophrenics can cause restlessness, sleep pattern disruption, mental fogginess, sedation, digestive upset...depression is also very commonly co-morbid with schizophrenia, for obvious reasons. So there are a lot of possible explanations beyond the schizophrenia itself that someone may seem disconnected and/or somber.
Sorry, I meant generally speaking. As said, I also had an other close friend with (most likely) untreated bpd, (though it's not particularly mental illness) we were friends for over 12 years but had to cut her out of my life. Our friendship started to have a negative impact on me. So I'm sort of feeling the same, feel a bit sore to get to know new people as I'm afraid what might come up. But I still think that you (generally) shouldn't stigmatize all the mental illnesses, there are as many stories as there are mental ilnesses. But I do understand you as I have somewhat similar feelings. We are both 28.
I had more patience for my friend when I was 28, but as I grew and matured, she became more and more of a nuisance. I finally had enough in my early 40's. We all have our parameters of what we can and can not tolerate. I'm nearly 60 years old now and those tolerances for any form of dysfunction are now pretty narrow. I'm sliding down the other side of the mountain now and my precious remaining days only have room for quality. Ain't nobody got time for crazy, especially at my age. You deal with it if you like, but I'll pass thank you.
I had more patience for my friend when I was 28, but as I grew and matured, she became more and more of a nuisance. I finally had enough in my early 40's. We all have our parameters of what we can and can not tolerate. I'm nearly 60 years old now and those tolerances for any form of dysfunction are now pretty narrow. I'm sliding down the other side of the mountain now and my precious remaining days only have room for quality. Ain't nobody got time for crazy, especially at my age. You deal with it if you like, but I'll pass thank you.
I don't really understand your post because you seem to have time to post, but don't have time for a subject on crazy.. and then, through an "Ain't" in you're post, specifying you don't have the education certificate to be on the "Board of Psychologists" and/or on intelligence level. to handle a conversation with the OP in the first place.. interesting.
( Nevermind, I didn't read your other posts, you're burned out and want something intelligent. I understand)
"Has anyone any experience of a friend with schizofrenia and how to deal with the delusions toward yourself?"
When I was working as a psychotherapist, I had a number of schizophrenic patients over the course of my career. I sympathize with what you are currently experiencing and feeling; schizophrenia is a very complex and oftentimes confusing illness.
My best advice to you is to do your best to remain in contact with your friend. I would not encourage you to challenge her delusions, as they are real to HER, and it's a "no win" for you to challenge a psychotic person's delusions. If anything, to challenge them may only alienate her further....
It is very difficult, I know, and realize. I would maintain whatever contact with her that I could, and do your best to disregard the delusions. (Like I said, to challenge them will not work or help.) IF she is on medication, that should help your relationship with her considerably, as she will be a bit more rational.
As sad and as tragic as it is for me to say, you have essentially "lost" the friend you USED TO have. You therefore need to readjust your expectations, and ways of interacting with her. I think over time she will continue to acknowledge you as a friend, a "safe person" for her to have in her life so long as you don't challenge the delusions. I know that's hard, but that is the nature of psychosis....
Lastly, there are a number of new medications for the treatment of psychosis/schizophrenia. I hope she ends up on one of them, as that will help your friendship and interactions with her considerably.
Most of all, do not lose sight of the fact that you have NOT "lost" your friend; your relationship with her has to change, in order to continue.
Hope the above helps...
Take gentle care.
That is really good advise. I started reading this thread because I live with someone that has mental illness and I don't get it, because I've never had the time and always worked.. I think the important thing ( the most eloquent idea you are trying to get across) is the same thing I've come to know. I am not a specialist in an any way but people with or without mental disabilities have to know that people are real. ( is all). People do that everyday. Mental illness or no mental illness and I've discovered that I have a mental illness of sorts, but what the developmentally impaired or physically impaired do is "not focus on it". It's a 24/7 for them and most cannot connect. I can't connect.
I am getting all of this, just in a different way. I think the second level, is some type of creativity, that someone else doesn't have, and then it goes back to manic. It's a cycle. The only thing I can really see is the pattern in myself and others.
I've only had three tests and he didn't understand why I was there in the first place ( my doc is getting old) and I didn't have any answers for him so so far, I am bipolar. Anyone can be bipolar when they are severely pissed off, so I highly doubt this. I really think my depression is very severe. I also have a very bad neck, so you know the meds for that. Some of those meds help mood disorder.
I think for the OP, is just hard to let go. My friend here, is proving to be the same way. And why he is not PS, he's severe but we can't let go of each other. I want our friendship over every day, and I just can't do it. He's a good man, deep down, and I am no princess.
If anything, I'd have to say people with "some" disorders see everything. They have no shield. I don't and that's 500 hundred times my problem. The OP is the same way. If I ever let this guy go, part of my soul will rot. He's done a lot for me and I refuse to see it apart of my ego. ( which is huge) I'll have to let him go to live his life but I won't let him go to just anyone. He's says the same thing about me. The problem is, we can't connect.
Now, that's crazy ( lol)
Last edited by thegreenflute334; 01-06-2017 at 10:03 PM..
Well, medication changes alone can seriously alter mood and affect. The meds common for schizophrenics can cause restlessness, sleep pattern disruption, mental fogginess, sedation, digestive upset...depression is also very commonly co-morbid with schizophrenia, for obvious reasons. So there are a lot of possible explanations beyond the schizophrenia itself that someone may seem disconnected and/or somber.
Thank you, I didn't really realize the role of meds. I mean that the meds could so dramatically alter her moods. But as she started to have these delusions against her sister and me got worried that what if she was in psychosis.
I needed this thread actually. I've never had to deal with anyone mentally obscured. I ran off the street the other night ( while driving) because this is serious stuff. I completely zoned out, no one was hurt and it was in the country. The guy that moved in with me didn't reveal anything, now I'm the one with the problem.
The only answer is to let go. No on can control mental illness but he's on his way to public housing and he did a lot for me but he holds it over my head like a toy. I choose, not to think about it, one day, then the next, I'm taking full control of this situation, and it flops.
My point is that until you do have to deal with a loved one who is mentally ill, for decades, you may not understand the emotional cost involved or required.
So I totally understand why someone would say, "When it comes to new relationships, mental illness is a deal breaker." I will never again voluntarily engage in a new relationship with someone who is significantly mentally ill. I am sorry that they are mentally ill - I really am. But I know what it costs to maintain a relationship with a mentally ill family member or friend, and I am not willing to go there with new people, new friends, etc.
Like I said, when I was dating, it was a deal breaker. You're on psychotropic drugs? Thanks but no thanks. Like the other poster said, I'm no longer young and I don't want to introduce more completely voluntary drama into my life.
In junior high my friend wasn't diagnosed yet but she already had these symptoms of how she was bullied, and thought that most people were against her. I know it's not relevant to think what type of delusions she might have against me currently. (and noone really knows for sure.) But I'm just a bit worried that could she have "more severe" delusions toward me? As she hasn't really thought anything bad about me previously (or as far as I know), I mean could it be possible that she'd for instance think that I try to harm her? In that case, probably she wouldn't have allowed me to pick her up for a coffee?
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