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A woman I've dated for 6 months is consistently late for everything and underestimates the passage of time, not just with me, but with everyone. I on the other hand, am very perceptive of the passage of time.
If I say I'll meet someone in 15 minutes, I will be there in 14 minutes and 59 seconds. If I make a reservation or appointment with someone at 11:30, I will be there exactly as the clock strikes 11:30.
In the entire time I've known her, she has only been on time once. I've noticed a trend too, she underestimates time by a multiple of 3. So for example if she says 5 minutes I can anticipate 15 minutes, if she says 1 hour, I can anticipate her in 3 hours, etc.
I've come to accept that this is how she is for our meetings, but it makes my blood boil when we are late for dinners/meetings/appointments with other people, sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!
When we missed a cruise I was looking forward to all year because she was late I nearly broke up with her on the spot.
I have ADHD, and honestly do struggle with this. I have to constantly check the time and set dozens of alarms for everything because I simply have no internal clock.
I manage this and get through life fine, but it takes active and constant concerted effort and proactive management. It's exhausting.
Luckily, my husband is excellent with innate timekeeping, so I get to relax a bit when around him. In turn, I help him with his weak points (things like assertiveness and decision-making).
I've come to accept that this is how she is for our meetings, but it makes my blood boil when we are late for dinners/meetings/appointments with other people, sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!
When we missed a cruise I was looking forward to all year because she was late I nearly broke up with her on the spot.
Have you ever just left when she hasn't arrived in time? If there are never any consequences to her actions, then she'll never have any reason to change.
A woman I've dated for 6 months is consistently late for everything and underestimates the passage of time, not just with me, but with everyone. I on the other hand, am very perceptive of the passage of time.
If I say I'll meet someone in 15 minutes, I will be there in 14 minutes and 59 seconds. If I make a reservation or appointment with someone at 11:30, I will be there exactly as the clock strikes 11:30.
People vary in their adherence to appointments or rendezvous. Some are very punctilious such as yourself, others are more casual about their adherence to exact times. Some people are just like that, thus the expression "5-ish."
If you are being literal in your 14:59 comment then IMO you fall into a small, very exacting group and may have unrealistic expectations. Myself (also a man) tend to try to arrive 10-15 minutes early because I like to control where my date and I sit (as in a restaurant). I describe my lady and give the host/hostess my name, expecting my date will be pleased to find me waiting at our table, two wine glasses bottle or carafe ready to poor. (Doesn't look good to be guzzling when she arrives. Gives a bad impression.) I am also motivated by the chivalrous goal of treating my women well, maybe old fashioned in this modern world, but it was the way I was brought up. Yep, gender stereotypes. I'll even pull out her chair if I didn't get that window booth I so covet! (Another benefit of arriving early, can't beat a window booth in a quiet area for an intimate dinner.)
Note also I try to arrive early in case I am delayed by traffic. I would be embarrassed to hell if I were late! -- That works both ways, (some) women with their excessive focus on makeup and primping, then meeting unanticipated traffic could be late. I start counting late from the time of the assignation not when I get there...
But...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mighty_Pelican
I've come to accept that this is how she is for our meetings, but it makes my blood boil when we are late for dinners/meetings/appointments with other people, sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!
THAT is just totally outrageous, not unless your date's parents were involved in a traffic accident and she was delayed at the hospital making sure they were okay, or similar reason. One time event, understandable. Repeat event, DTB.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mighty_Pelican
When we missed a cruise I was looking forward to all year because she was late I nearly broke up with her on the spot.
And how did that work out for you? I guess she wasn't so late you missed the cruise, but I can only imagine how stressful you felt.
But here is the crux: "sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!" That is just totally out of bounds, crazy beyond all reason. I could see you waiting maybe 30 minutes, perhaps even more than I would wait, 45 minutes...
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Have you ever just left when she hasn't arrived in time? If there are never any consequences to her actions, then she'll never have any reason to change.
... but exactly. I'd be gone in 30-45 minutes! Wouldn't even phone her later or next day. Like the sports saying, "the ball is in her court."
It's impossible to make any meaningful statement on "her" motivations or personality (or personal/psychological problems) that would explain let alone justify being habitually 30-90 minutes late. I would take it as an object communications, "I don't care about you enough to go to the bother to being on time because you've shown me you are a slavering dog who will wait obediently until I deem to arrive."
Barring further details if I were you I'd replace this relationship. If you are having sex, keep her around until you find a satisfactory replacement who can read a clock. In the mean time, arrive 15-30 minutes yourself, if for no other reason just to see what she does.
I don't understand why each of you don't have the other's cellphone number. TXT was invented for this situation.
There is something called "time blindness" that can be a factor for folks with ADHD. Not sure if there is any research on people having this without having any other symptoms of ADHD, though.
A woman I've dated for 6 months is consistently late for everything and underestimates the passage of time, not just with me, but with everyone. I on the other hand, am very perceptive of the passage of time.
If I say I'll meet someone in 15 minutes, I will be there in 14 minutes and 59 seconds. If I make a reservation or appointment with someone at 11:30, I will be there exactly as the clock strikes 11:30.
In the entire time I've known her, she has only been on time once. I've noticed a trend too, she underestimates time by a multiple of 3. So for example if she says 5 minutes I can anticipate 15 minutes, if she says 1 hour, I can anticipate her in 3 hours, etc.
I've come to accept that this is how she is for our meetings, but it makes my blood boil when we are late for dinners/meetings/appointments with other people, sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!
When we missed a cruise I was looking forward to all year because she was late I nearly broke up with her on the spot.
To me it sounds as if she is this habit of stretching time. I've heard it said that this is a form of egotism; people are chronically late, expecting others to wait for them and not valuing others' time.
I doubt you can change her. I am surprised you stayed with a person who caused you to miss cruise.
Consider breaking up with her, if you have trouble tolerating her problem with time.
And, yes, there are people who don't have a good sense of time. I can be one of those. But that's why I wear a watch.
A woman I've dated for 6 months is consistently late for everything and underestimates the passage of time, not just with me, but with everyone. I on the other hand, am very perceptive of the passage of time.
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I've come to accept that this is how she is for our meetings, but it makes my blood boil when we are late for dinners/meetings/appointments with other people, sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!
When we missed a cruise I was looking forward to all year because she was late I nearly broke up with her on the spot.
I'm going to disagree with the others - it is not a sign of egotism or rudeness. Some people are just bad with time. I have been that person who is 5-10 minutes late my whole life. I set alarms and have a clock in almost every room so I can stay up on it, but it has nothing to do with my ego, believe me. However, 3 hours late for something is not acceptable.
If it is so bad, why don't you tell her different times? If dinner is at 7:30 why don't you tell her 6:30?
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