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Sometimes the people who pride themselves on "just being honest--I can't help it, that's the way I feel" are just plain idiots. I have a friend who doesn't understand why another friend has distanced herself somewhat. The other friend is raising a child, the daughter of ha family friend who is a drug addict and has been in prison. This woman took the little girl in five years ago, supposedly while the mother got herself together, but the mother has never gotten herself together and may never do so.
It's obvious to everyone that this woman now loves this child who lives in her home. However the "honest" friend told me, "Well, I was honest with her. I told her that she should realize that the girl's mother is never going to straighten up and to put that kid into foster care where she belongs. She's too old to be raising a child." And in the next breath she is bemoaning the fact that the friend never wants to hang out with her anymore. Really? Maybe I should be honest and say, "I think you are dense."
Maybe pain in the short term but surely in the long term it would be better off knowing the truth! ?
There are lots of reasons people aren't straightforward, and often, it's because it's what is easiest for them to do in the moment. The natural impetus of all things, be it human, animal, even rocks sliding down the face of a cliff wall, is to follow the path of least resistance. If not telling the truth, holding back from saying something, omitting info, whatever you wanna classify as a lie, is going to make things smoother, easier, with less conflict, incur less pain or hassle, or avoid a domino effect of other things, even if is just in that moment, it becomes more likely.
You seem to be arguing that, in the long run, following the path of least resistance is not necessarily the most productive move. There's no question about that, but it doesn't really matter. The pull to do what's most comfortable (or least uncomfortable) in the long run is most often going to win.
It makes me depressed that people aren't open enough to be honest! being dishonest creates societies with low trust levels, so why do people lie? at least when people tell the truth you know where you stand with them.
So the question, why is this the case?
Because there are people who are a bunch of cowards.They know what they're doing is wrong and instead of owning up to it...they just would rather lie...even if it means hurting your feelings or losing a good friend.Some people are like that.To me...it shows their true character as a human being.
Other would say because they're embarrassed and ashamed...BUT not enough to correct the situation..not enough to tell the truth...I say it's their issue and we all have a choice in how we treat others.
It makes me depressed that people aren't open enough to be honest! being dishonest creates societies with low trust levels, so why do people lie? at least when people tell the truth you know where you stand with them.
So the question, why is this the case?
I was taught very early on that lying was the only way to be safe so, I got started telling lies at about 5-6 and suddenly, my life became much better with less whippings and punishments than when I foolishly told the truth! I was compulsively HONEST before then but kept noticing that my cousins never got hit or punished when they BLATANTLY lied so I finally wised up and, to my sheer amazement, our parents seemed happier that I had finally become a big LIAR just like the other kids!
So to answer your question: Why do people lie? We are trained, conditioned and programmed to lie, lie, lie by our own parents and many other adults and then it just becomes automatic, second nature and SAFER!
It was always safer for me and many others so, why change that? I can speak the truth now but have noticed that most others WANT TO HEAR LIES .... little white ones and great big ugly ones!! Just look innocent and honest while telling these LIES!
It's an unconscious, subtle, social agreement that most cultures have accepted so relax and lie, lie, lie - everyone's doing it!
The only place I will be honest is with my wife or maybe a good friend and that's it!
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