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When I was around the age eight many years ago, my parents sent me live with my grandparents in Florida for the summer while they went traveling. I stayed at my grandparent's house most days, however I also spent a lot of time at my aunt and uncle's house, who lived nearby.
When I would stay at my aunt's house, sometimes her son(my cousin) would sneak into room at night and touch me. I was always aware when he was doing this to me but I would pretend I was still asleep. My cousin was around my age, he would touch chest area, private parts and kiss me as well while I was sleeping. I always felt icky when he did this, and this went on for almost the entire summer and every time I stayed at my Aunt's house. Sometimes my cousin would stay at grandparent's house as well and touch me at night there as well.
Finally towards the end of summer I got sick of it and told my Aunt over breakfast what her son was doing. My aunt looked shocked and decided to immediately take me back to my grandparent's house that day. I later found out my uncle gave my cousin a really bad whooping after he admitted that he did touch me at night. When I got back to my grandparent's house that day, my grandma just took me aside and told me that cousin was just a young boy and curious about the female form who didn't mean to harm me.
Years later after the incident, i still keep in contact with my cousin. We are still friendly and talk like nothing happened. In fact several months after the incident i saw over thanksgiving break and we played together like nothing happened. I never thought anything weird about this until i meet my friend Catherine. Catherine was molested by her older stepbrother for years and it only stopped when her mother divorced her stepfather. Catherine's step brother would also sneeek into her bed at night to touch her inappropriately. The experience has traumatized her greatly, she is abosuletly afraid of her stepbrother to the point where anytime she meets someone with same first name as him she freezes up. She has problems with her sexuality, self esteem and has visited several different therapist. I by contrast have never had any problems with my sexuality nor am I afraid of my cousin. If I had children, I would let cousin watch them.
I am just curious why we both handled our molestations differently? Why do you think I didn't experience any trauma like most sexual assault suirvivors do?
Everyone is different.... perhaps you are a stronger person than most people who experience things like this. And the person who touched you inappropriately was a young boy around your age.. Maybe he was just generally curious about the female body and didn't realize his behavior was wrong... it seems like he wasn't trying to hurt you intentionally. That's a lot different than a grown man molesting you who knows what he is doing wrong, yet stills insists on hurting you for his own pleasure.
It's not really a matter of strength, more one of compartmentalizing.
Inappropriate behavior may or may not be experienced as trauma. People may be treated in an inappropriate manner and not personally feel harmed, threatened, or victimized.
When I was around the age eight many years ago, my parents sent me live with my grandparents in Florida for the summer while they went traveling. I stayed at my grandparent's house most days, however I also spent a lot of time at my aunt and uncle's house, who lived nearby.
When I would stay at my aunt's house, sometimes her son(my cousin) would sneak into room at night and touch me. I was always aware when he was doing this to me but I would pretend I was still asleep. My cousin was around my age, he would touch chest area, private parts and kiss me as well while I was sleeping. I always felt icky when he did this, and this went on for almost the entire summer and every time I stayed at my Aunt's house. Sometimes my cousin would stay at grandparent's house as well and touch me at night there as well.
Finally towards the end of summer I got sick of it and told my Aunt over breakfast what her son was doing. My aunt looked shocked and decided to immediately take me back to my grandparent's house that day. I later found out my uncle gave my cousin a really bad whooping after he admitted that he did touch me at night. When I got back to my grandparent's house that day, my grandma just took me aside and told me that cousin was just a young boy and curious about the female form who didn't mean to harm me.
Years later after the incident, i still keep in contact with my cousin. We are still friendly and talk like nothing happened. In fact several months after the incident i saw over thanksgiving break and we played together like nothing happened. I never thought anything weird about this until i meet my friend Catherine. Catherine was molested by her older stepbrother for years and it only stopped when her mother divorced her stepfather. Catherine's step brother would also sneeek into her bed at night to touch her inappropriately. The experience has traumatized her greatly, she is abosuletly afraid of her stepbrother to the point where anytime she meets someone with same first name as him she freezes up. She has problems with her sexuality, self esteem and has visited several different therapist. I by contrast have never had any problems with my sexuality nor am I afraid of my cousin. If I had children, I would let cousin watch them.
I am just curious why we both handled our molestations differently? Why do you think I didn't experience any trauma like most sexual assault suirvivors do?
IMO, it has something to do with how much you were hurt, frightened or traumatized at the time you were "touched" and whether or not you wanted the attention at that time. You say that you "got sick of it" which may mean that the attention value was no longer welcome so you turned the offender in at that point. In a sense, you were not actually molested or traumatized whereas Catherine was most likely hurt, terrified and emotionally damaged by an older person. She probably never wanted that kind of "attention" and so the long time molestation experiences traumatized her. IMO, you are very lucky that this inappropriate "touching" did not mentally damage you.
There is an alcoholic woman in our family who, I've just learned, was MOLESTED as a kid so her drinking and also going through several boy friends and husbands makes sense to me now. She carries UNTREATED inner wounds and drinks to reduce the pain but cannot keep a man!
IMO, early trauma is very serious and needs to be treated in some way.
When I was around the age eight many years ago, my parents sent me live with my grandparents in Florida for the summer while they went traveling. I stayed at my grandparent's house most days, however I also spent a lot of time at my aunt and uncle's house, who lived nearby.
When I would stay at my aunt's house, sometimes her son(my cousin) would sneak into room at night and touch me. I was always aware when he was doing this to me but I would pretend I was still asleep. My cousin was around my age, he would touch chest area, private parts and kiss me as well while I was sleeping. I always felt icky when he did this, and this went on for almost the entire summer and every time I stayed at my Aunt's house. Sometimes my cousin would stay at grandparent's house as well and touch me at night there as well.
Finally towards the end of summer I got sick of it and told my Aunt over breakfast what her son was doing. My aunt looked shocked and decided to immediately take me back to my grandparent's house that day. I later found out my uncle gave my cousin a really bad whooping after he admitted that he did touch me at night. When I got back to my grandparent's house that day, my grandma just took me aside and told me that cousin was just a young boy and curious about the female form who didn't mean to harm me.
Years later after the incident, i still keep in contact with my cousin. We are still friendly and talk like nothing happened. In fact several months after the incident i saw over thanksgiving break and we played together like nothing happened. I never thought anything weird about this until i meet my friend Catherine. Catherine was molested by her older stepbrother for years and it only stopped when her mother divorced her stepfather. Catherine's step brother would also sneeek into her bed at night to touch her inappropriately. The experience has traumatized her greatly, she is abosuletly afraid of her stepbrother to the point where anytime she meets someone with same first name as him she freezes up. She has problems with her sexuality, self esteem and has visited several different therapist. I by contrast have never had any problems with my sexuality nor am I afraid of my cousin. If I had children, I would let cousin watch them.
I am just curious why we both handled our molestations differently? Why do you think I didn't experience any trauma like most sexual assault suirvivors do?
This did affect you in a major way but obviously aren't aware of the unhealthy behaviors you do and wonder why you keep doing them even though you keep making the same mistakes over an over.
Control freak. OCD. Substance abuse. Isolation. A lot of meaning-less sexual encounters. Few if no friends. Over emotional. Cry easy. Can't find or maintain loving relationships. Remember the act as if it is happening all over again many times.
I suspect at least part of the reason you do not feel harmed by this, is you felt able to complain, your aunt and your grandma took action to protect you, and your grandma helped you understand that your cousin was curious, and not depraved. I imagine the way this was handled helped him to understand about personal boundaries as well.
I also think the fact that your cousin was close to your age kept you from feeling threatened or afraid.
I also think you sort of walled the experience off in your mind. I am glad the experience left no scars.
This did affect you in a major way but obviously aren't aware of the unhealthy behaviors you do and wonder why you keep doing them even though you keep making the same mistakes over an over.
Control freak. OCD. Substance abuse. Isolation. A lot of meaning-less sexual encounters. Few if no friends. Over emotional. Cry easy. Can't find or maintain loving relationships. Remember the act as if it is happening all over again many times.
Yes, tons of people aren't traumatized. In fact, think of all the women who've been raped in the course of wars and, without the benefit of counseling, just went on to lead full lives.
Does it really matter why? Maybe it's because you know it's not "assault" in the worst sense. Maybe because you never felt endangered. Maybe it's because you're a more confident, self-sufficient person. What difference does it make why?
This did affect you in a major way but obviously aren't aware of the unhealthy behaviors you do and wonder why you keep doing them even though you keep making the same mistakes over an over.
Control freak. OCD. Substance abuse. Isolation. A lot of meaning-less sexual encounters. Few if no friends. Over emotional. Cry easy. Can't find or maintain loving relationships. Remember the act as if it is happening all over again many times.
Where are you getting from the OP's post that these are issues she has experienced or is experiencing, out of curiosity?
There are multiple factors that add to your resilience, and you were thus not affected by this activity. There are others who experience far less and their suffering is multiplied and manifold. No two assaults and scenarios are ever similar, and each person deals with each event independently. There is little comparable save they are considered assaults. There is nothing more hidden or latent here, just an event you have addressed and put into perspective with the resources you have. You were a near-miss is all.
With that said, those who are traumatized wish more of their experience was like yours. The professional services offered by diverse support agencies seek to bolster their resilience. There is no way to factor out why one gets insulted and the other does not, save the characteristic of resilience. A good series of articles on this very topic was published by the APA - it is worth the review.
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Early trauma!
