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OP, rather than lamenting on all the "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" you need to focus on where you go from here. Whether you were "cheated" in your educational experience or not doesn't matter at this stage. Being bitter about it and regretting what happened up to this point is not going to change the fact that you are in a career for which you are not suited, you struggle with being a success at life and you are having a lot of trouble coping with your situation. You need to get out of this rut of analyzing all of the stuff in the past and come up with a plan for what your next steps need to be. Obviously what you've been doing until now has not been working.
As has been posted on this thread and many others that you've started, you need counseling. Personal, life and career counseling. Maybe even different resources for each. As suggested above, check-out "What Color is your Parachute" as a first step. Look into state resources for counseling, particularly for someone with your specific diagnosis. As also mentioned above, look for volunteering opportunities doing some of the things that you enjoy. Even if it doesn't lead you into a career, it should help balance you and make you happier (or at least more satisfied with your life). Do you exercise? This may sound simple but, you might be surprised at how getting out and moving your body regularly can help stabilize a mood.
No one here is really going to know what the answer is for you. Many have come up with excellent suggestions though. I do know, however, that you are not going to help yourself out of your unhappy situation until you are willing to try some new approaches. Right now you only seem to want to harp on how terrible the past has been, how inadequate your training was for the classroom and why you are unwilling to try counseling, or any of the other suggestions. I don't really know what else people here can tell you.
Thanks for the advice. I guess it does sound a lot like whining, but I was just trying to explain what I think the problem is. I once thought that if I need to learn a new skill, I should go to school for it. I thought that was pretty logical. The reason I was complaining about what I saw as inadequate preparation was because I expected much more from my training, and I thought training from a college was all I needed. I'm frustrated and I'm having trouble accepting that my answers lie elsewhere. I'm also upset at how expensive more school would be, as I've been conditioned to see school as my only way out. Even considering other options is difficult for me, as I know that it's difficult for me to teach myself anything. It shouldn't be. I went to college to become a teacher, to become the person I thought I needed the most. I'm disappointed. I'm not sure if it's with myself, with my training, or lack thereof, or what it is exactly.
It's apparent that you won't benefit by the considerable insight of other people here. (Your students are, in effect, telling you the same things.) It isn't too late to accept the fact that no matter how much you want to be a teacher, it's not likely to happen.
Was it a mistake to spend the time it took to get a teaching degree? Probably. It happens all the time.
Is it another mistake to stay right in the same spot, hoping the students will learn ... to accept you? Doesn't that even SOUND silly?
Surely you got something from your teaching education. It can't be a waste, even if you never walk into a classroom again. (Ask any liberal arts graduate.) You COULD take those transferable skills and move on, rather than staying in your "discomfort zone." Isn't it obvious that it's wrong to keep yourself there, compounding your errors by insisting you can learn to do what you hate.
A favorite philosophy prof used to say, "The college of education has no place in a modern university." To an extent, a person can learn a little, but can never taught to be spontaneous, flexible or accepting of the rude behavior that is so widespread. Students nowadays can be "traumatized" by expectations of social responsibility from their teachers; but that's another topic. I couldn't accept that, nor could I interact with all those teachers who are so much more capable. That's THEIR talent, not mine.
You might get another assessment of the AS, although right or wrong, maybe it's become a handy label that keeps you rooted right where you inexplicably want to stay. People cannot teach for undefined reasons, too. If you were sightless, with profound hearing loss, would you be here asking the same questions? With the same reasons to persist on that painful path to nowhere? I suspect you would, and would still insist you want to teach in a public school.
You ought to consult someone whose opinion you respect. You make your concerns clear, then you make it clear you don't want to be understood.
If it's fear of change or fear of something else, only you can act on it, and a personal counselor of some sort is a stronger ally than endless threads of practical advice in the anonymity of an internet forum. Rather than fashioning carefully-tailored retorts, think about what to DO. The only person who's forcing you to stay where you are, is yourself.
I don't need a response. It's your life and I'm done platitudinizing. It makes me kinda queasy.
Those of you who have made it sound like I should just tell my boss that I'm quitting in a few weeks, it's really to my advantage to hold on to this job as long as I can. Do I think I should probably be looking for something else in the meantime? Yes, I do think so.
It's always best to be looking for a new job before leaving one, if you can.
Yeah, if they'll keep me, I think I'm going to work here over the summer and as long as I can. I do have strengths that I can play to, and as long as I'm not obnoxious about it, some of my coworkers seem okay with giving me relationship building advice to use on the students. Like I said, I guess I'll write my scripts and see if they work. It's a little like being a poorly trained actor sometimes, though. I can give a great initial performance but I sometimes fail to bring the encore and of course I can't always stay in character, even though I can certainly try.
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