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Old 01-03-2019, 10:05 AM
 
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Be forgiving towards those that have done you wrong..but do it for yourself (your own peace of mind)...that's what forgiving really is (in my opinion)..as for the one who wronged you... again, you forgive them for yourself, (let them think it's for them) but you NEVER forget, nor give them the opportunity to need to ask your forgiveness again.
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Old 01-03-2019, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Southern California
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Forgive as strongly as you can and I have in my life, but as purehuman says, you Never forget.
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Old 01-03-2019, 04:41 PM
 
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Something I can add on that help with forgiveness or even what-if scenarios such as if you can't go up to a person in-person to ask for forgiveness, but if given the opportunity later on, then you could be prepared for such.

I think it's healthy when you've realized what you've done wrong, that you'd plan out and know what to say to a person (and of course mean it) or to that person's community of friends if you encountered awkwardness with them and had the opportunity to request for forgiveness. You'd tell them your efforts at what you've done to realize what you did wrong and what you did to work on yourself during that time through the time you are meeting up with said person/people. You could also accept the possibility that they may still not want to talk to you ever again anyway.

You can't expect forgiveness, but you can keep your door open if those possibilities do change and move on and learn from that mistake as others said before.
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Old 01-03-2019, 04:55 PM
 
2,793 posts, read 1,220,683 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
Be forgiving towards those that have done you wrong..but do it for yourself (your own peace of mind)...that's what forgiving really is (in my opinion)..as for the one who wronged you... again, you forgive them for yourself, (let them think it's for them) but you NEVER forget, nor give them the opportunity to need to ask your forgiveness again.

You can have peace of mind without forgiving. You can release the anger,the bitterness and grudges without forgiving.

I will repost this because as a victim of a trauma I found the pressure by others to forgive placed a horrific burden on me and created a secondary trauma and violation.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why...herapy-0120164
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Old 01-06-2019, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
19,876 posts, read 13,086,760 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
People I choose not to forgive are no longer in my life, or no longer in my circle of friends, for me to "bring up" the past. Either they are fully out of my life, or, if they are not, they receive basic treatment (cold politeness and no more contact than necessary). But we are certainly not having any sort of interaction that would allow me to harp on it even if I wanted to, because that's the way I want it.

And no, I don't have a lot of anger inside. What they did is anger-causing and hurtful, but it's in my past and I don't dwell on it.

There. No problem, but no allowing someone to continue to treat me like dirt, either.
Well I agree that you should not allow people to treat you like dirt. I donít think that is what forgiveness is.
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Old 01-07-2019, 05:16 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,042 posts, read 14,030,389 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
A quote from a post on forgiving those who have hurt us. Often it is said in context of one forgiving the other. But forgiving oneself is an important act for our own redemption. Guilt is a corrosive emotion that can keep you up at night and so hard to get rid. Sometimes we cannot even make amends and have to live with that stain forever.
i suppose prayers can help if one believes. Or acts of charity as penance.
For those who have hurt us, forgiveness is not necessary for healing. "It's not for them, it's for you" is utter rubbish. I wish people would stop peddling that nonsense. Heal first, THEN forgive IF there is remorse AND IF you are so inclined. But you can absolutely heal without it.

Forgiving yourself works along the same lines. Are you truly remorseful? Have to tried to make amends? Are you a changed person? Then you are well on your way to being worthy of forgiveness.
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Old 01-08-2019, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
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I say, forgive if you can at all. In many cases forgiveness is part of healing.

But people have no right to demand forgiveness of you. And forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.
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Old 01-10-2019, 08:27 AM
Status: "The days are getting longer" (set 17 days ago)
 
8,045 posts, read 10,371,738 times
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I always thought this was backwards. The people who have wronged you should be the ones asking, begging for forgiveness. They seldom do. If you want to "forgive" them, fine, but if you don't fine, too. It's irrelevant. You need to let go, though, of them and what they've done. That will hurt you. Stop replaying it, stop giving it space in your head, find ways to exclude them. Have a ritual where you let them go.
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Old 01-10-2019, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Georgia
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Jesus died to forgive you. When we do not forgive ourselves, we are basically telling Him that what he sacrificed was not enough for us.
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Old 01-10-2019, 07:47 PM
 
Location: minnesota
5,577 posts, read 1,816,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
For those who have hurt us, forgiveness is not necessary for healing. "It's not for them, it's for you" is utter rubbish. I wish people would stop peddling that nonsense. Heal first, THEN forgive IF there is remorse AND IF you are so inclined. But you can absolutely heal without it.

Forgiving yourself works along the same lines. Are you truly remorseful? Have to tried to make amends? Are you a changed person? Then you are well on your way to being worthy of forgiveness.
I don't like that much either. Saying that to me would nullify the effect. Forgiveness, to me, was about taking back what was taken from me by careless people. Most of this happened when I was a child and was powerless. As an adult, I can see them for what they are. It's their human weakness that makes them suffer as does mine. They aren't larger than life as I imagined; just people that can't find their way out.
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