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Old 06-18-2017, 09:27 AM
 
2,831 posts, read 1,573,994 times
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I can more easily forgive others....myself...NOt so easy.....Anyone have any tips how that is done when its yourself? I've got a boatload of falling short of goodness and sure could use some suggestions....
A quote from a post on forgiving those who have hurt us. Often it is said in context of one forgiving the other. But forgiving oneself is an important act for our own redemption. Guilt is a corrosive emotion that can keep you up at night and so hard to get rid. Sometimes we cannot even make amends and have to live with that stain forever.
i suppose prayers can help if one believes. Or acts of charity as penance.
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Old 06-18-2017, 09:39 AM
 
9,569 posts, read 8,914,766 times
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If there is no opportunity to apologize and make amends to those we've hurt - then going forward and turning the corner to improve oneself can be the first step in correcting the negatives.

Taking a long hard look into who we are and what drove us to do or say things we regret is imperative. It may take some time to discover what it was in our own life that brought us to the point of disliking who we are - however it can be accomplished and it is a rewarding journey of self-discovery.

Doing the 'right thing' going forward; learning how to stop and think before speaking; learning how to make better and more productive decisions - these practices will aid in improving our self-esteem and self-confidence.

As we move forward in our journey, the worse thing would be to constantly berate ourselves for past mistakes, that would only result in bringing down our self worth.

Sometimes professional counseling is necessary in giving us the tools to learn who we are/where we came from/and who we want to be going forward.
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Old 12-23-2018, 08:59 AM
 
25 posts, read 1,745 times
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I searched for the best thread to put my reply on and I guess its this one.....

I sometimes wonder if some poeple do not have the ability to forgive.... I was very good friend with a guy and I could be myself with him..... (He didnt mind if I swore on email and his voicemail and what not) One day I was mad and I tried to call his house and I swore on his answering maching @ home.... (I figured he wouldnt mind I guess as he didnt mind me doing that in private with him (Being myself)) -- I guess his wife was scared of my message........

This happend in 2000...... I have since apologised to her and she accepted my apology (She is a teacher) but this guy hasnt and it makes me sad.... I love him so much,he is a good friend.....


I just tried to call him and say Merry Christmas where he works (I hadnt talked to him in a couple years) and he nicely said "You have been told many times to not contact me.... do not" and he hung up.... (Nicest he has been since this happend)


Makes me sad........ I feel terrible I violated his private space BUT IT WAS A MISTAKE/MISJUDGEMENT and I apologised for it.... I think he needs to let it go......... Its been almost 20 years
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Old 12-23-2018, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Teach an Fhir Bholg
11,969 posts, read 13,358,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyJ7 View Post
....Makes me sad........ I feel terrible I violated his private space BUT IT WAS A MISTAKE/MISJUDGEMENT and I apologised for it.... I think he needs to let it go......... Its been almost 20 years
You need to take your own advice. It's been twenty years.
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Old 12-23-2018, 09:16 AM
 
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If we hurt someone and we apologize we are not owed forgiveness nor are we obligated to forgive. There are times when the choice not to forgive is a healthier choice. Sometimes people want forgiveness for the wrong reasons and others who think forgiveness is the only way to move forward.

I had a case where someone apologized and then thought everything should be fine. I want nothing to do with this person. I don’t hate him,not angry with him , I let him go and what he did and moved on.
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Old 12-23-2018, 09:40 AM
 
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Ya you guys may be right....... I just have a hard time moving on w/o fixing this
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Old 12-23-2018, 09:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyJ7 View Post
Ya you guys may be right....... I just have a hard time moving on w/o fixing this
You have nothing to fix. You messed up,you did the right thing and apologized. Thatís it.
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Old 12-23-2018, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,028 posts, read 8,211,124 times
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Yes, you have to forgive yourself, first, before you can really grasp the meaning of making amends to others.
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Old 12-23-2018, 01:06 PM
 
Location: planet earth
3,525 posts, read 1,259,000 times
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If the issue is this one mistake with this friend, you really have to grieve the loss of the relationship and let it go. You have to accept that even though you miss your friend and think he should have accepted your apology, for whatever reason, he did not.

So, even if it defies logic, let it go.
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Old 12-23-2018, 01:15 PM
 
6,137 posts, read 3,463,698 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
You need to take your own advice. It's been twenty years.

^^^ This. You went too far in swearing on his phone and you're going too far by continuing to bother him. You're the one who needs to change and learn to be more respectful.
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