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I am also bicurious, always have been, and decided decades ago to be a faithful husband and not explore the bi feelings any farther (except in porn). Works for me...
There ya go, OP. You don't need to hit the panic button, just because you have some thoughts in that direction. There were studies done in the 90's that said everyone is on a spectrum from completely hetero to gay, and that most people are somewhere in-between, even if in-between means someone only entertains the occasional fantasy of a same-sex partner, or is simply curious, without acting on it. Most people don't beat themselves up about such thoughts, or allow them to wreck their marriage. You need help putting things in perspective.
Have her read your post here. What you need to do is communicate with her, come clean and be open. Share. Don't hide anything. If she is who you say she is she will understand, talk, and everything will be okay. You both should go to counseling together, too. Your wife may wonder why your sex drive is so low and she may be feeling unloved and not sexy enough. Again, you won't know what she's thinking until you talk it all out. Don't make assumptions!
You're also in the honeymoon stage so give yourself a break. It takes time to mesh into a couple and bend all those teachings you had growing up. She had them too. Give yourself time to grow together without anyone else's expectations.
But I've lied to her, telling her it was the anxiety which was causing the thought?
Now I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown - I can't sleep, eat or concentrate.
All I am thinking about is life without her.
She has already told me she doesn't know if she can continue to have these thoughts and doubts in her my mind about me.
I don't think it's that strange to think members of the same sex are hot or to even fantasize about it when pleasuring yourself. A lot of people have really outlandish fantasies/thoughts when they are masturbating or trying to get turned on, doesn't mean that they are going to act on them. I'm not sure why you told her that if you don't have a desire to act on them.
But I've lied to her, telling her it was the anxiety which was causing the thought?
Now I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown - I can't sleep, eat or concentrate.
All I am thinking about is life without her.
Call your therapist. Make an appointment for this week.
But I've lied to her, telling her it was the anxiety which was causing the thought?
Wait, that's what you told US also! Now your story is changing again. You must spend your entire life living up to your lies. Doesn't that get exhausting? It is certainly isn't helping your anxiety. Something is happening to you right now that you can't deny or ignore.
But I've lied to her, telling her it was the anxiety which was causing the thought?
Now I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown - I can't sleep, eat or concentrate.
All I am thinking about is life without her.
She has already told me she doesn't know if she can continue to have these thoughts and doubts in her my mind about me.
Please see your therapist. Make regular, weekly appointments. You need help with this.
It wasn't your anxiety that caused the thought. It was your anxiety that blew it all out of proportion, and resulted in your doing the internet research that she discovered.
OP, get help before you go bonkers and lose not only your wife, but also your job, and your sanity. You're spending too much time and energy rattling around in your head. Get some grounding, take some deep breaths, and make an appt. with your therapist. Tell your wife that your anxiety over the mere thought of losing her is driving you crazy, and you need help. Tell her what you told us; that you'd be lost without her. Tell her you're seeking professional help in managing the anxiety.
Consider establishing a daily meditation practice, to practice calming the mind. The trick to controlling the racing thoughts (everyone has this, when they first try to meditate), is to spend 2-3 minutes taking very slow, deep breaths, engaging the diaphragm. Visualize pushing the breath deep into your belly. Hold it there for a few seconds, then slowly release it. Visualize it rising through the air passage, through the mouth, and out into the light of day. You should be able to slow your breathing to 2-3 breaths per minute. This calms the nervous system, and allows the mind to settle down. Try it every day for a week, and see if it helps. Focus your mind on the breath. If the mind wanders, bring it back to the breath. Don't get frustrated, just bring your mind back to the breath. Try for just 5-10 minutes daily. See if you get a little better at it, by the end of the week.
So in your non-sexual gay fantasies, are you and your dream men having brunch and shopping at Restoration Hardware?
I agree, something doesn't add up here!
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