Why are so many people so vague in their communication? (responsibility, emotion)

[michael917]

I have not read the entire thread, but the overall topic is one of my peeves as well. I have relatives who do that exact same thing where they start telling you a story with no basis or foundation and expect you to follow. Somehow they understand each other perfectly, but everyone else...

At the place I used to work, managers would give very unclear direction then there would be aggravation when things didn't get done properly. One of my bosses used the same term for two different things and rarely clarified. Drove me nuts.

And don't get me started on the one-sentence replies to emails with multiple questions...

[sas318]

Originally Posted by Nov3

As detailed oriented as I am at task I've found:
:Get to the point,!
:What was your point?
Or the..So long as I remain vague..I can't be challenged...Safe zone!

I hate it when people don't speak with a point. Drives me nut. When you guess what the point is, they get angry and go, "Obviously!!" I'm not a freaking mind reader.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by Jakealope

Why couldn't they learn when they are asked for the same information over and over.

Because it's a game for them and they have no intentions of learning or changing anything so long as they have you and other "going" with their childish game which started in early childhood with their parents and perhaps siblings or peers. It's really the "notice me" game and you are doing all the "noticing" while they are FINALLY getting NOTICED.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by michael917

I have not read the entire thread, but the overall topic is one of my peeves as well. I have relatives who do that exact same thing where they start telling you a story with no basis or foundation and expect you to follow. Somehow they understand each other perfectly, but everyone else...

At the place I used to work, managers would give very unclear direction then there would be aggravation when things didn't get done properly. One of my bosses used the same term for two different things and rarely clarified. Drove me nuts.

And don't get me started on the one-sentence replies to emails with multiple questions...

My dad, and extremely intelligent man was just like that and, if you didn't "get" his message, you could be seriously hurt by this unpredictable and violent ALCOHOLIC! It was terrifying to work with or even near him! I met some ignorant and abusive guys like him in the working world and finally began standing up to them and their pathetic mind games!

[bg7]

Originally Posted by michael917

I have not read the entire thread, but the overall topic is one of my peeves as well. I have relatives who do that exact same thing where they start telling you a story with no basis or foundation and expect you to follow. Somehow they understand each other perfectly, but everyone else...

At the place I used to work, managers would give very unclear direction then there would be aggravation when things didn't get done properly. One of my bosses used the same term for two different things and rarely clarified. Drove me nuts.

And don't get me started on the one-sentence replies to emails with multiple questions...

This is a thing that children do - and they refer to people by name that you can have no way or knowing etc. Its endearing in kids. But as one grows up.... some people do not advance beyond this childish stage. Who knows why.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by Jakealope

It's funny that you point this out. I deal with both men and women in the recreational sports leagues. Based on 15 years of handling these leagues I can say that men do this far more than women. With the sport leagues, I am an independent contractor, so I can simply tell people politely that I cannot take any action until information is provided. The men rarely acknowledge the request. However, women tend to be quick to apologize with replies like "Oops. I wasn't thinking." or "Duh, thought you could read my mind, ".

Men are conditioned to be too proud and defensive to ever admit that they are playing games with you whereas women are conditioned to be fallible and HONEST in many ways.

At my former job, the men were far worse than the women. I got the feeling that it was a power play to "put women in their place". My female co-worker agreed. In their minds (the men), they are busy and important and women are supposed to chase them down and coax the information out of them. Sadly, management condoned that behavior because 80% of the employees were men.

This all starts in early childhood with mind games our parents give us and boys are given different mind games to play than girls are given - usually to humiliate the girls.

Re: I'm just speculating here, but I'm guessing that what he wanted to say, but couldn't, was that I am a woman [who's time and energy is not very important] and the PWNP's were all men [who have more important things to do than respond to you - mere woman!].

Sadly, I think that men are totally unaware of this type of behavior and how frustrating it is to women. I've talked to many women who can point out similar behaviors that men seem to be totally unaware of. How many of us have heard from male co-workers, "Remind me to........" or "If I forget please nag me". Really?

The tragedy of early conditioning and programing is that nobody, including those who condition us, ever look at it to see if this conditioning is healthy or not - and often not! I, a male had and still have some very unhealthy and ugly attitudes, behaviors and beliefs about ALL WOMEN that were dumped into me at an early age from BOTH of my parents. Psychotherapy has somewhat helped to dissolve much of that early poisoning but there's still some here that occasionally pops up unexpectedly and then I have to use whatever new programs I've learned to deal with the old, ugly programs form my parents and others. I carry very bad attitudes and beliefs about women and only better beliefs and attitudes can ever help me now.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

A few reasons, and I think texting is part of it. Many people don't communicate clearly anymore. I totally get what you're saying.

You mentioned knowing two Lynns, how about when someone is telling you about something that happened involving a few people and doesn't even use their names? A few times I have had to stop them and say "who is he?" or "who is the she that said that, say their names". It's as if they don't get that YOU weren't there like they were, so unless a proper first name is mentioned "he" and "she" don't do any good unless there were only two people involved and one is male and one is female.

I also notice now in emails if someone asks you a question and you respond, you don't get an acknowledgement that they received it, no "thanks" or "OK", nothing. I now sometimes say "please acknowledge that you received this message".

That's a good point about the new "text" etiquette or manners. I get texts that often say, "Hi, how are you?" so I have to write buck, "I'm fine. Who are you?" I sometimes get phone calls and the person just says, "Hi, Jim." (I don't have caller ID) So I fumble around hoping for a hint and finally have to ask, "Who are you?" and then the caller sometimes get HURT 'cos I din't just KNOW them! I call all of this bad manners and I believe that good and bad manners begins at home with good or bad parenting - mostly bad!

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

Funny - I can't stand it when people give me directions to somewhere. Give me an address, and an approximate location. (It's in the far southwest corner of Jonesville. 123 Smith Street.) And THEN, if there's something tricky about it, like if the building is actually behind a gas station and you can't see it from the street, I'd like to hear it. I can't stand it when someone starts with "well, do you know where the old burned down storage unit is?" No, I don't know where that is. Please give me an address of your business.

I can't stand it when someone tells you to get on Huckleberry street, there's a row of mailboxes there, follow it a little ways, it will kind of take a little bit of a curve, keep going on it, it kind of widens there, keep going on it and then there is a big house on the left with a berm (whatever that may be) keep going and then you'll get to my house. It's red brick. ???? How about, just 234 Huckleberry Street. I can work with that. I can't tell you how many otherwise functioning people will give me directions to their house, and not give the address, just a description of what the house looks like and what the road surface looks like and whether the road is dead straight or curves around a little bit as you drive on it.

Whew. I feel so much better now. ;D

As a freelance musician, I finally learned to get the name of the room and the party having the event, the complete address of the hotel or yacht club, etc., parking fees and details, and any other small and insignificant information to help me actually get to work.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by sas318

I hate it when people don't speak with a point. Drives me nut. When you guess what the point is, they get angry and go, "Obviously!!" I'm not a freaking mind reader.

They want and expect you to read their minds! It's a power game that many of us are taught in early childhood to GET ATTENTION. (Guess what I'm thinking!) --- and you'd better be RIGHT --- OR ELSE!!!

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by bg7

This is a thing that children do - and they refer to people by name that you can have no way or knowing etc. Its endearing in kids. But as one grows up.... some people do not advance beyond this childish stage. Who knows why.

Because it works! They were taught to get attention that way as small kids and it still works for them. Those who give them the attention they want are also stuck in a similar childhood game known as, "I'll notice you if you'll notice me noticing you."