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Without bringing political parties into the discussion, and I'm just asking for opinions here, what about social engineering? Like when a concept is generally considered wrong, then eventually, because of media mostly, the concept becomes acceptable to the masses and then, those who still believe it's wrong question their own beliefs. They're called intolerant, etc.
We are sheep. baah.
Social engineering isn't gaslighting. I think if you'd like to discuss social engineering then you can start a thread about that. This thread is about a different topic, gaslighting. It is one person influencing another to the point that they doubt themselves and reality is intentionally distorted, misrepresented.
I've been gaslighted countless times, by different people. I've learned enough about it that I recognize it immediately.
I've experienced the same, but, you're smarter, as I don't always recognize it 'til I've been sideswiped. I've smartened up in that I move away from those people quickly now, rather than staying & trying to fix the problem, which as you said, they strive hard to convince you is you. But, there are many good actors out there with cold hearts looking for humans to hurt, cuz it amuses them... so I tread carefully... rather than letting people close to me upfront, it now takes awhile, until I can see motive or agenda, if any.
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I eventually realized that his behavior is rooted in an overwhelming sense of inferiority and self hatred. I am sorry to say, I do not want anything to do with such broken people, male or female, in my life.
I agree & also wonder if jealousy doesn't factor in? I find that when people dislike you, they stay away as they don't want to be reminded of you in any way. When jealous, they come at you again & again because in their immature minds, seeing the person they're jealous of reminds them of what they think they're not or can't have or whatever their small brains confuse as not-enough-syndrome.
The biggest lesson for me was 20-yrs ago, when I decided to stop trying to figure out why they are the way they are... I don't care. Treat me kindly & with respect & we can be friends. The reverse & there are no 2nd chances. If I have to be around such an individual, I'm cordial, business like & very blunt in announcing my disinterest, if approached. I'm not available to be abused & they can go fight their imaginary demons alone.
I no longer feel sorry for such people either. Many of us grew up with tragic families & parents, who may have done the same to us, yet don't attempt to harass, malign, deliberately upset or destroy others. I silently wish them a healed mind & walk away... or silently wish they encounter a brand new, shiny, stiff Doc Marten... steel toe.
Lastly, I also learned to let go of any residual feelings about them & it's a great weight lifted. Workdays are too long to spend my downtime thinking of things I dislike. Such people are like broccoli, my least favorite foodstuff on earth... I spend no time at a dinner table thinking of broccoli or wondering if I'll ever like it again, or if I can change so I'll like it better, or change it so it is more palatable... I don't like it, it bloody well stinks, it's off my plate forever, I'm very happy.
I was gaslighted by therapists as a child/teen, albeit unsuccessfully. Then'd ask me "How did [person or situation] make you feel?" Reasonable question, right? But then they'd turn around and say: "No, you didn't feel that." Like, what diploma mill did they go to, that they think they know my mind better than I do?
When I was 8 years old I wasn't catching on to the math. My mother, clueless about what to do (like get a tutor),...had me "tested".
The psychologist diagnosed me as believing my mother was very much smarter than me and I was harboring all these feelings of not being worthy, insecure, blah blah blah blah.
The FACT was: She was a hairdresser and wore huge hair. It was IN STYLE, hello? Audrey Hepburn? She even used to take me to her beauty school and let me cut mannequins and mess around.
Nothing more.
They're IDIOTS, these people.
I vaguely remember thinking if she was all that smart, she'd be able to help me with the math LOL. Seriously how hard is it to drill someone in "times tables".
Last edited by runswithscissors; 07-29-2017 at 03:44 PM..
Social engineering isn't gaslighting. I think if you'd like to discuss social engineering then you can start a thread about that. This thread is about a different topic, gaslighting. It is one person influencing another to the point that they doubt themselves and reality is intentionally distorted, misrepresented.
That happens all the time with politics and social justice warriors (for example) but I agree it should be a different thread IN POLITICS.
Social engineering isn't gaslighting. I think if you'd like to discuss social engineering then you can start a thread about that. This thread is about a different topic, gaslighting. It is one person influencing another to the point that they doubt themselves and reality is intentionally distorted, misrepresented.
Well thanks for differentiating, it just seems similar but on a larger scale.
Any master manipulator will have you questioning your own way of thinking, imo. Gaslighting was around long before the term was coined. And sure, I've been in those abusive relationships that had me questioning my own sanity. Heck, my mom made great attempts. Fortunately I recognized it - eventually and didn't fall for it.
My one boss was proficiently skilled at this tactic. He played people against each other and often denied our "truths" . It took some "new" employees to come into the picture to bring reality back into focus. They were my rock whenever my boss tried to "skew" information to fit his hidden agenda. One co-worker who really was Koo Koo for cocoa puffs would constantly deny that she slammed doors or did anything aggressive....
My Boss really thought she was sooooo innocent...quiet and reserved, telling me that I was Misinterpreting behaviors. Finally one of my co workers witnessed it and recorded her slamming doors....My Boss, still in his deluded mind said....Well that doesn't prove anything! The wind could have shut that door!.... Her office was no where near a windy area....But leave it to the gaslighter to distort facts ...
Yep! I dated someone who had BPD. He was a master of it! I stumbled upon the phrase while reading a forum about BPD and then a lot of things started to fall into place. I learned to step back and really look at the situation before answering.
One night he kept waking me up as soon as I fell asleep. I finally got up to go sleep on the couch, with my laptop, phone and glasses in my arms. He blocked the door so I couldn't get by. He kind of hip-checked me on one of my attempts to pass through the door and my phone and glasses fell. I sat back down on the bed put my phone back together (flip phone), he sat down on the hope chest to tell me how horrible I was. He finally stormed out and then called me, telling me a friend was bringing him to the ER to fix the damage I had inflicted on him. Truly baffled, I asked what he meant. He told me he was bleeding profusely from the wounds I had given him when I struck out at him. Normally I'd believe him but we weren't face to face so I had a little time to think, and realized that I was cradling the laptop, phone and glasses the entire time until I bounced off him and dropped some of them, then we sat apart. There was NEVER a time my hands were free. I texted that back to him and complete silence. I asked him the next day to see his wounds and he told me I must be mistaken.
Another time he accused me of slicing his leg with my "long" toenails... that I had just cut that day and I cut my nails to nothing! Again, not a mark on him.
Yes, we broke up. No, I do not miss him or his level of crazy.
What does believing in God have to do with bigotry?
Asks a liberal.
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Like, what diploma mill did they go to, that they think they know my mind better than I do? 
