Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My nephew's dad's health was in very poor shape. He had heart problems, was weak, in a wheel chair, had lost both his legs (i assume because diabetes but I'm not sure), had been an alcoholic, etc.
A couple months ago my nephew was visiting him, and was in the process of moving him or adjusting his position in his wheelchair when he had a heart attack. But my nephew didn't realize what had happened. He didn't realize his dad had a heart attack and therefore failed to call 9-1-1 in a timely manner. When 9-1-1 eventually was called and the paramedics arrived, it was too late.
After this happened, my nephew (17 years old) seems to have lost a few screws in his head. He feels he directly caused his dad's death. He has been acting out, getting into trouble, sabotaging his relationships and his jobs, has been depressed, has been self-destructive, got arrested for public intoxication.
What should be done? Aside from the usual responses of "he needs therapy", what things can be said or done to him to make him realize that he didn't cause his dad's death and to deal with it?
If it's affecting him that badly I don't think anyone can do or say anything to make him realize it wasn't his fault.
In this case, I think it requires professional help ASAP before he makes a mistake (e.g., a DUI) that will affect the rest of his life. IMO there is no time to waste. Of course, he has to agree to go to a therapist.
What a tragic situation. I hope you find a solution and he finds peace.
My nephew's dad's health was in very poor shape. He had heart problems, was weak, in a wheel chair, had lost both his legs (i assume because diabetes but I'm not sure), had been an alcoholic, etc.
A couple months ago my nephew was visiting him, and was in the process of moving him or adjusting his position in his wheelchair when he had a heart attack. But my nephew didn't realize what had happened. He didn't realize his dad had a heart attack and therefore failed to call 9-1-1 in a timely manner. When 9-1-1 eventually was called and the paramedics arrived, it was too late.
After this happened, my nephew (17 years old) seems to have lost a few screws in his head. He feels he directly caused his dad's death. He has been acting out, getting into trouble, sabotaging his relationships and his jobs, has been depressed, has been self-destructive, got arrested for public intoxication.
What should be done? Aside from the usual responses of "he needs therapy", what things can be said or done to him to make him realize that he didn't cause his dad's death and to deal with it?
If he had not been there and not been involved in any way, heres what he would be doing today instead.
He would be acting out, getting into trouble, sabotaging his relationships and his jobs, be depressed,
self-destructive, get arrested for public intoxication.
What can be done? do you want to play God?
Nothing any human can do or say can affect the will of another who has gone over that edge.
Convinced against their will, they are of the same opinion still.
He has (understandably) been deeply traumatized by the circumstances of his father's death, and not to jump on the therapy bandwagon but this is serious stuff. I would not attempt to counsel him with his feelings and I would certainly not tell him to 'deal with it.' This is more than just the blues, and even though your looking for answers other than 'he needs therapy,' I must say, he needs therapy.
I would encourage him to go to therapy and also look for books that would address the topic. Pema Chodron is great, as is Goleman (Emotional Intelligence). I would also ask him what would have happened if he hadn't been there when his father had the heart attack? His dad would have died anyway. Further, even if his clearly already suffering father had been rescued would it have been a good outcome?
It was not his fault at all, but his lack of healthcare training may have been a blessing for the father. Sounds like the man was living a pretty hellish existence.
All of that said, I suspect the fact that he was raised by an alcoholic has already screwed the kid up to a certain extent.
That's a lot for a 17 yr old to carry. I don't have any advice beyond what's been given, but I feel for you and your nephew.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
