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But I am not clear on what the OP actually believes about himself, whether HE has accepted who he is. If he understands and acknowledges that he is gay.
Being surrounded by an accepting community is key.
I don't know either, but it says a lot that the happiest time in his life was when he was living on his own as a gay man in SC.
Parents like his make me absolutely furious. Not only are they upset that he's gay, but they clearly have made him feel responsible for their happiness. It's ridiculous, but he appears to believe it's true.
I don't know either, but it says a lot that the happiest time in his life was when he was living on his own as a gay man in SC.
Yep.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow
Parents like his make me absolutely furious. Not only are they upset that he's gay, but they clearly have made him feel responsible for their happiness. It's ridiculous, but he appears to believe it's true.
It's maddening. It's so sad to read about people who are raised like this.
They also give Christians a bad name. Not all of us are psychos.
You have repeatedly allowed yourself to be shoved into misery by other people pushing their agendas and desires on you - such as your parents and the car salesman. Oh, and now we have jonesg spoonfeeding you his own toxic recipe for personal salvation - do yourself a favor and put him on ignore.
We've discussed this before, you and I. You really need to excise the toxic people from your life. Your parents are going to destroy themselves because their son is gay? Um, so what? That's their choice and not your problem. Don't think for a single second that they are any less bullying and self-interested than that car salesman. Just keep in mind that they want you to push your own happiness aside so that they can stay within their comfort zones - that is not the act of a loving parent.
I'm like you - easily influenced. I would suggest cutting your parents off as well as anyone who would seek to judge you for things you have no control over - you know, like being gay. Sign up for an assertiveness course (there are probably some online even). Read books about boundary setting. When a salesman approaches you in any situation, firmly tell them you are not interested and that you would prefer to be left alone. When anyone tries to push their own self-interested agenda on you, you need to excuse yourself.
You have a lot of changes you need to make, and none of them are easy. I've found in those situations, it's best to keep chipping away rather than giving up.
I had my perfect life a year ago. I had never known such happiness. But the dog of my dreams died a brutal death far too young and my mother proved herself to be a mentally unhinged and undermining force in my life. And then it became clear my father needed to be taken care of. So here I am at 41 with my 86-year-old father (debilitated by dementia) living with me, my mother having washed her hands of me after realizing I had finally recognized her dysfunction and I'm still mourning that amazing dog. But ya know what? Between the occasional brief bout of depression I"m still almost as happy as I was a year ago, and eventually I will return to that level - I have no doubt about it. Because I know how to build a joyful life now and that knowledge can't be taken away. Besides, all the wonderful people I have brought into my life are still there - that's what really matters.
Bulletproof your life - excise the people who drag you down and cultivate relationships and friendships with people who have your welfare and best interests at heart. But to do that, you first have to take steps toward your own mental health. If you have any disposable income, I would suggest spending it on a good secular therapist even if you can't afford regular visits. Check out the listings on Psychology Today and read the reviews and the processes they use. I am confident that there are people you can connect with in OKC - you just have to get yourself to a mentally healthier space so that you can reach out to them with confidence.
You are unhappy right now and that is very draining. But once you take the first steps to get started on pulling yourself out of this pit, I guarantee the steps that follow will be increasingly a little easier. Don't give up, and certainly don't accept your current situation as your norm.
If I were you, I'd start by reading up on depression and emotional intelligence.
1) Therapy; it's expensive and I cannot afford it
2) IT/tech support
3) I would work at my current job for one more year to save a nice sum of money, quit, and then move somewhere else. I've narrowed it down to a few cities.
1. Don't you have health insurance thru your employer? Got a mental health association in Oklahoma city? Call them. And, anyway, therapy would be cheaper than the cost your currently putting on your heart and soul.
2. Geez, you could easily find part time workv- probably even virtual work at home.
3. Geez, if that car loan is what you believe has imprisoned you in OK, use the money to pay off the freaking car! Then you can use the stupid car to wave goodbye to mommy and daddy as you drive away.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through all of this.First of all..EVERYONE HAS TO LIVE FOR THEMSELVES!!! You need to live for you...you are gay and nothing can change that just like nothing can change my sexuality.You are fighting against being yourself and that is not good for you.It has caused you a lot of sadness.You CAN'T live for your parents..you need to live for YOU.You need to see if you can leave your parents and go and live out of state with that friend that had offered for you to stay at their place until you found a job.Please leave OK because you're not happy there and you will never be unless you find a community with others you can relate to.....by community I mean meeting people face to face and not online.You need to have that connection.I hope you find peace within yourself.Please be whom you are and NOT what others want you to be!Take care.
It is somewhat, but overall it's my own fault for not taking responsibility for my life and allowing other people to have the kind of sway over my life that led to the decisions that got me here. That's a hard pill to swallow but it's one I must accept.
I do feel that if I am this much of a screwup I don't have what it takes to make it in life. Blaming others allows me hope that one day, there still might be better days. I still might be able to get control over my life and take it back in a positive direction. There isn't much hope these days though.
They had the keys to my old car and wouldn't give them back. I tried to walk away from the deal twice. The salesperson wouldn't give the keys back and instead, brought out his manager who pressured me harder into taking the car. Yes, it's my fault for not being more pushy with them and it's my fault for having signed the dotted line.
OP, I've been following your various threads but I don't think I remember reading THIS part before. You bought the car because they wouldn't give you your keys back?!
Maybe I'm naive or missing something but if someone repeatedly refuses to give you back something that big of yours, can't a person just call the police instead of giving in to their demands?
If they refused to turn over your car keys, isn't that stealing from you which means the cops will gladly help you out? Maybe I'm wrong but this is bothering me.
You were not trapped. You say, "I'm going to call the police if you don't give me my keys back." Then do it, if necessary (it won't be). And WTH were you doing in a car dealership when you KNOW you couldn't financially afford to buy a new car. Seriously, you did this to yourself.
1. Get a second job and pay it off more quickly.
2. Sell it on craigslist (you'll get more than from a dealer), use that money to get a beater and pay down the loan as much as possible, get a personal loan from a credit union (assuming your credit is still good and you have a job) to pay off the rest. Get a second job to pay off the personal loan.
I agree with all the above. Your car & financial situation CAN be figured out and worked out. You'll be ok.
And as for the posters who told you in different threads to get therapy, do that too.
But this time, don't let just anybody counsel you even if they have multiple degrees or because they counseled your next-door neighbor's aunt. Shop around. Good therapists do exist. I promise.
Last edited by TruckWife518; 08-03-2017 at 04:44 PM..
I agree, get a second job and pay off the car and stockpile a huge savings.
Contact your local LBGTQ resources.
Throw your parents out of your head. Your being gay WILL NOT kill them. Literally, it will not.
After you pay off the car, move.
I can't imagine the misery you are in.
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