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As a child I ran away from home. I was 10 and didn't get far. I felt smothered by my mom. I am now in my 40s and want to run away too, I live w my boyfriend and i often feel he only wants me around when he wants, he , as well as some things going on in his life have become overwhelming to me. Trying to figure out my desire to run, I know some of my struggles go back to childhood and I recalled running away then. Any ideas? Thank you
" I know some of my struggles go back to childhood and I recalled running away then. "
I don't have an idea, but I know what you talking about. I ran away from home 2 times in my childhood. Abusive and toxic family.
When I was young, I had big issues to commit in relationship, once my relationship with my boyfriend got more serious I ran. Today I'm married- for many years and my husband and I raised 3 children, but it took me almost 4 years( and 3 ran away times) to learn how to let him in, trust him and share with him. What it took was a right man and a lot of time.:-)
Maybe it could be a good idea to talk to somebody, who can help you look more openly inside yourself. I "analyzed " it by myself, but it took me many years and I know myself very well.
Thank you Bo, I'm working with myself and talking to others, and listening. I'm quiet and I pay attention. Just thinking tonight if I understood what was going on, if there were some connection, maybe that would help. Thank you again.
I have a self-analysis tool I've used for 40 years, the Integrity Tone Scale INTEGRITY TONE SCALE
If you want to try using it...
Think about an issue, a problem, or a situation (not your life entirely, just something specific), then identify your emotions. Now find those emotions on the chart, in the columns headed "Emotional Tone Scale" and "Attitude"
hint: start at the bottom of the chart.
"Problem Recognition" is shorthand for how you perceive the problem.
"Solution/Love Recognition" is your gut instinct of how to fix the problem (hint: it's wrong).
"How to Move Out" is actions to take to improve how you deal with the problem.
I often find myself "Telling the Truth About My Experience"
I have a self-analysis tool I've used for 40 years, the Integrity Tone Scale INTEGRITY TONE SCALE
If you want to try using it...
Think about an issue, a problem, or a situation (not your life entirely, just something specific), then identify your emotions. Now find those emotions on the chart, in the columns headed "Emotional Tone Scale" and "Attitude"
hint: start at the bottom of the chart.
"Problem Recognition" is shorthand for how you perceive the problem.
"Solution/Love Recognition" is your gut instinct of how to fix the problem (hint: it's wrong).
"How to Move Out" is actions to take to improve how you deal with the problem.
I often find myself "Telling the Truth About My Experience"
Hm. I "ran away from home" at 35 after living in my hometown in the same 5-mile radius for almost my entire life. I really think the adage "wherever you go, there you are" really holds true, but there were some caveats in my situation.
I had basically achieved the maximum level of happiness I could achieve in my hometown. I had built a strong network of friends and connections. I had a fulfilling and joyful existence. But ... despite all of that, I felt something was missing. One visit to Denver, and I felt like i had found that missing piece.
Six years later, I've had a very slow awakening and I have not regretted my move for a moment. My hometown had just too much history and baggage for me. I already knew who I was, and I needed a fresh start. The distance from my family has helped me to put them into better perspective and to realize how trapped i was in the role I had taken on with them. I've figured out the truth about my mother and her manipulativeness.
The thing is, you have not established a baseline level of happiness, and I think that's an important first step before you do anything drastic. My advice is to speak with a therapist and also to read up on emotional health. Books by Daniel Goleman are a great place to start, as is stuff by Pema Chodron and the Dalai Lama (sounds cliche, but I really did enjoy his perspective).
I think you are not happy and that you really need to find out the reasons why so that you can develop a plan to address it.
I can relate to the OP, because I grew up in a very strict household as well. No, not abusive. But it was quite similar to East Asian "tiger parenting", even though no one in my family has an Asian gene in their body. I was held to very high standards, for my own good: my behavior, my appearance, my room, my grades, etc. I never tried running away; it simply didn't occur to me as an action.
This had a far-reaching effect. Many years after I grew up and moved out, I adopted a MGTOW-like stance toward any and all relationships. I have no plans to change that. The only downside to my lifestyle is fending off those "when you meet the right woman" platitudes.
Oh, and before anyone suggests therapy, I'm way ahead of you; multiple tries, even. Every time, I found the therapist to be preachy, unhelpful, and downright dumb at times. I did it as a teen, and see no point in trying it as an adult. I see talk therapy as a pseudoscience, like phrenology. The only thing I'm better at today is giving those therapists the illusion that their methodology is working.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 08-06-2017 at 12:46 PM..
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platitudes.
