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Status:
"Repub's IVF ruling is anti-family and anti-America"
(set 2 days ago)
Location: Dallas, TX
5,782 posts, read 3,562,703 times
Reputation: 5682
I'm not blaming the OP, but...
...the very fact that our wider culture as a whole is such that the OP even asks that question says a lot about how callous and lacking in empathy our culture is. I never though I'd see it in my lifetime. Can't say it's a change for the better, that's for sure.
That said, it depends on how the person uses it. If he or she uses it to mean someone who not only refuses to hurt or demean others but simultaneously means it as someone who will help or heal (physically or psychologically) people in most desperate need of it, then nice is something everyone should strive to be.
Unfortunately, as it is, a huge slice of society uses even my definition of "nice" to mean, at best, a boring but important trait for most people; at worst, a weak milquetoast* who deserves whatever exploitation or humiliation he or she gets. At middling, they use nice (even my definition) as a consolation prize for people who deserve second-class respect at best. All this does is enable all sorts of unkind, unethical behaviors - from our own everyday experience to large scale practices of corporations, government, education, media, Hollywood, and other formal or semi-formal institutions.
And we wonder why so many people say rudeness, selfishness, and narcissism is so rampant in society.
*The very fact that we consider weaklings, milquetoasts worthy of disrespect (and while I'm at it, "stupid" people too) - the sentiment itself - shows that we think the Golden Rule is only for the strong, smart, and brave
If you're not a nice person, does that make you a mean person? If so, do you still have friends, and what do they like about you? I'm skeptical that you have mean words for *everyone* as in never met a human being that was likeable. Are you really just a person that is liked by less than 50% of those you've met? Dictionary calls a dissenter a nonconformist. That's me, but I often like people who are different from the majority. Is that the way you are?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Honestly, I'm not a nice person so when I get called nice, it turns my stomach.
I wonder if people who hate being called nice are just people that don't get along with most? I once posted that if people are mean to you, that just means they are suffering more than you. I've had health problems all my life, so I'm sure that affects my feelings. I'll admit I'm a nonconformist. Some people can tolerate me until I go into a long rant, which probably limits potential friends to virtual clones.
I think most people just about hate anybody who talks over 3 minutes about something that isn't a strong interest of theirs. There's been too many times I've been guilty of that.
I suppose some people who dwell on their faults don't like being called nice until that person tells them what they like about them and convinces them they are not so bad. Otherwise nice may seem insincere, or it may increase guilt if they don't feel they are worthy of something that should be a compliment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen
How much does it depend on the person calling you "nice," how enjoyable is it to hear...? If no one calls you "nice," okay, just tell us that. Maybe many people are in that boat. And is "nice" much more common from strangers and casual acquaintances than loved ones?
If anyone wants me to candid in a vulnerable way, here's your blue moon.... Part of my objection to being called "nice" is having been raised to be a "good boy" whose negative emotional reactions were strongly rejected. I want to be liked warts and all. If a friendly, non-manipulative acquaintance calls me "nice", it's still bothersome because that person doesn't know me very well, such as my bad side or why I do "nice" things and probably wouldn't particularly like me upon closer inspection.
If anyone wants me to candid in a vulnerable way, here's your blue moon.... Part of my objection to being called "nice" is having been raised to be a "good boy" whose negative emotional reactions were strongly rejected. I want to be liked warts and all. If a friendly, non-manipulative acquaintance calls me "nice", it's still bothersome because that person doesn't know me very well, such as my bad side or why I do "nice" things and probably wouldn't particularly like me upon closer inspection.
I think you are reading too much into it, but OK...lol
Just think of it as your positive attributes are outweighing your negative attributes according to that person's observations at the time, no matter how well they know you.
When not among strangers, I think "nice" is used as a more of a character judgment than a behavior judgment. Any number of notorious political figures have done nice things once in a while, without being called "nice" for them. Those acts are not presumed based on caring. While I'm not offended if I'm positively misjudged by someone, I am at the same time frustrated. I want to be me. Maybe I'm not being me, maybe I don't feel comfortable enough, and that's why in part I'm seen as milquetoast. The irony is that the more myself I am, the more chance that I'll feel caring and in turn automatically, gladly be nice.
How much does it depend on the person calling you "nice," how enjoyable is it to hear...? If no one calls you "nice," okay, just tell us that. Maybe many people are in that boat. And is "nice" much more common from strangers and casual acquaintances than loved ones?
It depends on your personality for me. In my head I am like lol that is what you think now... but just make sure you dont cross me because I will flip 360 degrees on that.
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