Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-21-2017, 07:26 PM
 
13,754 posts, read 13,193,207 times
Reputation: 26019

Advertisements

Because I try to be nice, I take it as a compliment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-21-2017, 08:02 PM
 
5,401 posts, read 6,467,253 times
Reputation: 12016
In my part of the country it is a compliment & means you are a considerate person.

Being called "well-meaning" means you are a simpleton.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2017, 09:54 PM
Status: "Repub's IVF ruling is anti-family and anti-America" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: Dallas, TX
5,782 posts, read 3,562,703 times
Reputation: 5682
I'm not blaming the OP, but...

...the very fact that our wider culture as a whole is such that the OP even asks that question says a lot about how callous and lacking in empathy our culture is. I never though I'd see it in my lifetime. Can't say it's a change for the better, that's for sure.

That said, it depends on how the person uses it. If he or she uses it to mean someone who not only refuses to hurt or demean others but simultaneously means it as someone who will help or heal (physically or psychologically) people in most desperate need of it, then nice is something everyone should strive to be.

Unfortunately, as it is, a huge slice of society uses even my definition of "nice" to mean, at best, a boring but important trait for most people; at worst, a weak milquetoast* who deserves whatever exploitation or humiliation he or she gets. At middling, they use nice (even my definition) as a consolation prize for people who deserve second-class respect at best. All this does is enable all sorts of unkind, unethical behaviors - from our own everyday experience to large scale practices of corporations, government, education, media, Hollywood, and other formal or semi-formal institutions.

And we wonder why so many people say rudeness, selfishness, and narcissism is so rampant in society.

*The very fact that we consider weaklings, milquetoasts worthy of disrespect (and while I'm at it, "stupid" people too) - the sentiment itself - shows that we think the Golden Rule is only for the strong, smart, and brave
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2017, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Dessert
10,818 posts, read 7,196,249 times
Reputation: 27889
I get called smart, clever, creative, generous... but not nice. I'm OK with that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2017, 11:42 PM
 
510 posts, read 367,155 times
Reputation: 621
If you're not a nice person, does that make you a mean person? If so, do you still have friends, and what do they like about you? I'm skeptical that you have mean words for *everyone* as in never met a human being that was likeable. Are you really just a person that is liked by less than 50% of those you've met? Dictionary calls a dissenter a nonconformist. That's me, but I often like people who are different from the majority. Is that the way you are?


Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Honestly, I'm not a nice person so when I get called nice, it turns my stomach.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2017, 12:16 AM
 
510 posts, read 367,155 times
Reputation: 621
I wonder if people who hate being called nice are just people that don't get along with most? I once posted that if people are mean to you, that just means they are suffering more than you. I've had health problems all my life, so I'm sure that affects my feelings. I'll admit I'm a nonconformist. Some people can tolerate me until I go into a long rant, which probably limits potential friends to virtual clones.

I think most people just about hate anybody who talks over 3 minutes about something that isn't a strong interest of theirs. There's been too many times I've been guilty of that.

I suppose some people who dwell on their faults don't like being called nice until that person tells them what they like about them and convinces them they are not so bad. Otherwise nice may seem insincere, or it may increase guilt if they don't feel they are worthy of something that should be a compliment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen View Post
How much does it depend on the person calling you "nice," how enjoyable is it to hear...? If no one calls you "nice," okay, just tell us that. Maybe many people are in that boat. And is "nice" much more common from strangers and casual acquaintances than loved ones?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2017, 01:15 AM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
6,602 posts, read 4,813,255 times
Reputation: 3591
If anyone wants me to candid in a vulnerable way, here's your blue moon.... Part of my objection to being called "nice" is having been raised to be a "good boy" whose negative emotional reactions were strongly rejected. I want to be liked warts and all. If a friendly, non-manipulative acquaintance calls me "nice", it's still bothersome because that person doesn't know me very well, such as my bad side or why I do "nice" things and probably wouldn't particularly like me upon closer inspection.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2017, 01:19 AM
 
2,911 posts, read 2,013,385 times
Reputation: 5152
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen View Post
If anyone wants me to candid in a vulnerable way, here's your blue moon.... Part of my objection to being called "nice" is having been raised to be a "good boy" whose negative emotional reactions were strongly rejected. I want to be liked warts and all. If a friendly, non-manipulative acquaintance calls me "nice", it's still bothersome because that person doesn't know me very well, such as my bad side or why I do "nice" things and probably wouldn't particularly like me upon closer inspection.
I think you are reading too much into it, but OK...lol

Just think of it as your positive attributes are outweighing your negative attributes according to that person's observations at the time, no matter how well they know you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2017, 02:36 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
6,602 posts, read 4,813,255 times
Reputation: 3591
When not among strangers, I think "nice" is used as a more of a character judgment than a behavior judgment. Any number of notorious political figures have done nice things once in a while, without being called "nice" for them. Those acts are not presumed based on caring. While I'm not offended if I'm positively misjudged by someone, I am at the same time frustrated. I want to be me. Maybe I'm not being me, maybe I don't feel comfortable enough, and that's why in part I'm seen as milquetoast. The irony is that the more myself I am, the more chance that I'll feel caring and in turn automatically, gladly be nice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2017, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619
Default ......

Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen View Post
How much does it depend on the person calling you "nice," how enjoyable is it to hear...? If no one calls you "nice," okay, just tell us that. Maybe many people are in that boat. And is "nice" much more common from strangers and casual acquaintances than loved ones?
It depends on your personality for me. In my head I am like lol that is what you think now... but just make sure you dont cross me because I will flip 360 degrees on that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top