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Old 09-05-2017, 09:19 AM
 
19,491 posts, read 12,122,052 times
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I dated one of these manolescents, years ago. What a mindblower. I thought originally he was just a good son who loved his mom. The guy was a man-child with NO shame, he was proud of it. Then he thought all women who rejected him were bad people. The things he told me other women said about him were spot on. He didn't think there was anything wrong with being a child in a man's body. Maybe these days he is one of those fetish men who live in a baby's crib sucking on a bottle because this guy was in deep.
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Old 09-05-2017, 11:15 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
9,512 posts, read 6,059,204 times
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Okay. I confess .... I have been part of the problem because I wasted some of the best years of my life being a Wendy.

But as a result I know exactly what a Peter Pan is; I used that term frequently after becoming aware of just how lame this was & now I have a lot of contempt for the "Pan's" of my past.

"Big boys with big toys"; is not an accurate description of Peter Pans. There is nothing wrong with a guy who works hard & likes to play hard. In fact; that is attractive to me. That's the way it should be ... it's called "having a balance".

When you see a scruffy 40 yr old man wearing a t-shirt with a giant pot leaf on it, hopping curbs on some 1980's Huffy bicycle (because his license has been suspended since he was 17 & he still can't afford a car anyway) ... THAT is a Peter Pan.

If you see a guy with a huge tattoo that he obviously did himself that says "FTW" on a part of the body easily visible if wearing "buisness casual" attire? You may be looking at a Peter Pan.

If a dude is 35 & still thinks his mom is a "B" because she was grouchy during those years she worked 2 or 3 jobs to take care of him? That dude may be a Peter Pan.

If that same dude speaks of the father who ditched him & his mom as some super-cool tough guy demi-god hero? Then you KNOW that dude is a Peter Pan.

If a guy has a constant gaggle of losers who follow him around because they think that HE is a super-cool tough guy demi-god hero? Day in & day out because none of them have jobs? That's more than JUST Peter Pan: That is Peter Pan & The Lost Boys.

If you come home from work to find Peter Pan & The Lost Boys underfoot & your house is a mess ... Wake up the next morning to go to work & find a Lost Boy or two crashed out on the couch & floor ... Come home from work again to find every bite of food in the house is gone & cigarette butts floating in the toilet? ... Then YOU may just be a Wendy too!

A mid-life crisis is not to be confused for being a Peter Pan; because by default; you cannot experience your "second childhood" ... if you have never emerged from your first.

I remember the most epic Peter Pan of my past once telling me that "I was the woman who made a man out of him". Which is hysterical; because obviously I didn't do a very good job. In fact; "Note To Self: You s--- at this. Do NOT attempt again!"

I can spot a Peter Pan a mile away now; skipping around in a cloud of fairy dust, wearing green tights & singing "I don't EVER want to grow up!"
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Old 09-05-2017, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,547,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Griffis View Post
This is a canard. There were plenty of great punk musicians. Plenty of incredibly tight, accomplished players and bands. X, The Minutemen, Husker Du, Meat Puppets, Die Kreuzen, Scratch Acid, Bad Brains, Minor Threat, NOTA, The Offenders, Big Boys. These guys and gals could flat play.

There was a lot of sloppy, noisy, cruddy stuff too, some of which was pretty great.

Admittedly, a lot of it doesn't hold up real well, but even in the day, I thought a lot of punk was generic. I feel that way about most kinds of music. A small percentage of it is great, then a lot of meh.
My old buds and favorite band for life, GWAR, came out of the East Coast punk scene, Brockie cut his teeth on Minor Threat and Bad Brains. People think of GWAR as some kind of shock rock metal outfit, but their roots are in punk...and that's the bit that hooked me. The very DIY-ness of it, too. Of course things have changed over the years...but there is a strong connection there that I don't think every punk or metal fan is aware of.

Anyhoo.

Regarding the whole Peter Pan thing...I really don't like it being gendered, either. I feel like adults have to learn how to stay away from unhealthy life habits and poor life choices, and how to find balance between being responsible (delayed gratification) and indulgent (instant gratification.) You can be too thrifty for your own good, and you can be too frivolous. But I really think that if you're not working toward happiness right now, or happiness later, then you're doing something wrong. Looking at life as a neverending hardship to be survived, is just as unhealthy as looking at it as a neverending party, and plenty of those who throw everything away on escapism aren't even happy. In fact they are miserable people desperately looking for happiness in all the wrong places.

I vaguely recall a story some years back about a couple who were brought up on charges for child neglect or abuse because they pretty much quit parenting their toddler in order to devote all of their time to World of Warcraft. I know as many women who make chronically poor life choices, as I do men. Plenty of folks struggle with the whole "how to adult" thing.

For those of us trying to live happy, functional lives, it's important to stay away from codependency no matter what flavor it appears in. My ex was often very childish, but I would not call him a Peter Pan. More like an epic thrower of tantrums.

But there have been times when I erred on the side of indulgence, spent money I later regret doing fun things, and so on. Sometimes hindsight is 20/20 and all. C'est la vie.
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Old 09-05-2017, 06:54 PM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 2,336,730 times
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I for one had a hard time growing up, leaving my hedonistic ways behind and finally quit using their peanut butter !
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Old 09-05-2017, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Deep Dirty South
5,190 posts, read 5,322,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Yeah, got some kd lang going. I can swing from Hatebreed to Frank Sinatra. Love music. It's what keeps me above ground.
Humankind's greatest discovery.
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Old 09-06-2017, 01:09 AM
 
Location: PNW
3,049 posts, read 1,664,406 times
Reputation: 10172
I'm married to a man who loves his tools, his guns, his astronomy interests, and all these projects he likes to do, and I don't care as long as he shares in paying for the roof over our head. Because as far as I'm concerned he has interests, and when he retires in a couple of years he will not be bored because of it.
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Old 09-06-2017, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,547,380 times
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I really don't think that the Peter Pan syndrome criticism is intended to say that people shouldn't engage in any hobbies or personal interests, even costly ones, if they can afford it. I think that the argument is with regard to being generally irresponsible, spending money you didn't earn (other people's money in particular) and not considering the future. If you have run up debt buying toys for instance, and have no retirement savings...you're not really making great choices as an adult.

Now some people seem to think that adults have some sort of obligation to create a family and have kids, and that people who don't, who prefer to spend their money on their own lifestyle and not in raising children, are selfish. Some people would look at that as a "Peter Pan" thing. I don't agree. I think that if you're honest with yourself about the way you want to live, and you earn enough to support what you're trying to do without mooching on other people, then there is nothing at all wrong with choosing to focus on your own life and experiences, and choosing not to be a parent.
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Old 09-06-2017, 09:50 AM
 
2,241 posts, read 1,470,767 times
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Not sure if I qualify as a "manolescent". But there are two games I play on occassion on my laptop. And usually when I do sit down to play them, I'll invest a good 2-3 hours into them. I enjoy leisurely things in my downtime like biking, going for walks, reading, watching movies/shows, etc. I also have a good job and have just bought my 2nd house, and also plan on proposing to my GF very soon. I'd say that I'm adulting fairly well.

I don't think gaming should be the determining factor if someone is not considered grown up. It's just a newer form of entertainment that wasn't around a generation or two ago, so it's sort of viewed as a "adolescent" form of entertainment. I know a lot of successful professionals who game as a form of entertainment. It's just a newer component of the social norm for adults.
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Old 09-06-2017, 11:03 AM
 
902 posts, read 745,208 times
Reputation: 2717
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
This post sounds quite defensive. Who possesses the mentality of victimhood again?
LOL keep coping
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Old 09-06-2017, 01:57 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 8,186,123 times
Reputation: 12159
Quote:
Originally Posted by rocky1975 View Post
LOL keep coping
Coping with what? I'm not another self proclaimed internet guru like you seem to be. I guess you can convince yourself of anything when someone disagrees with you.
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