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Everyone gets a few lucky breaks. The trick is to take advantage of it when it comes, don't hesitate and jump in with both feet. I never dated a lot. I only dated girls I really liked and since 90% of the girls I liked didn't like me, I could go many months without a date. I lived on my own for 5 years after leaving home. I met my future wife on a crowded subway during rush hour on a Thursday night. I chatted her up and asked her to go out that night and she said no. I got her phone number and called her the next night (from a phone booth as I didn't have a phone) to ask her out to a movie the next night which was Saturday. She said yes. We were engaged 5 months later, and married a year after that. At one point she said maybe we were going too fast and should see other people. I laughed at her and said that was rediculous. She didn't bring it up again.
We have been married for 44 years. We are both strong willed and volatile and stubborn. We have arguments all the time. But we love each other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanMarlton
That is obviously not the case as I am functioning on a daily basis just fine. However, I am starting to feel drained after "doing it all on my own" for some time now. I feel like there should be some lucky f#cking break around the corner, but its not happening.
Maybe it was just not genetically meant for me to be anything other than this. Who the f#ck knows...
If one can be happy alone, it can take you through various circumstances that may occur - divorce, having no significant other, having your parents and siblings no longer living, when moving to new places having no acquaintances or friends, having no relatives who you know well or no relatives who live close-by or just no relatives (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) that have interest in being in your life or who are elderly and not close-by, going through dry spells of no close friends, not being able to date for a variety of reasons, aging, being retired, living alone.
It's a skill that may be beneficial on the journey.
Like I said, its one of the basic human needs. Dealing with adverse circumstances takes certain virtues and strength of character, yes, but thats not to equate it with "happiness". Life is full of ups and downs and there will be upsets. But self deception is not the answer.
Everyone gets a few lucky breaks. The trick is to take advantage of it when it comes, don't hesitate and jump in with both feet. I never dated a lot. I only dated girls I really liked and since 90% of the girls I liked didn't like me, I could go many months without a date. I lived on my own for 5 years after leaving home. I met my future wife on a crowded subway during rush hour on a Thursday night. I chatted her up and asked her to go out that night and she said no. I got her phone number and called her the next night (from a phone booth as I didn't have a phone) to ask her out to a movie the next night which was Saturday. She said yes. We were engaged 5 months later, and married a year after that. At one point she said maybe we were going too fast and should see other people. I laughed at her and said that was rediculous. She didn't bring it up again.
We have been married for 44 years. We are both strong willed and volatile and stubborn. We have arguments all the time. But we love each other.
This is awesome! Glad to hear things worked out that way
I may even further theorize that those who claim to be alone by choice are in fact using this rhetoric as a defense mechanism to validate their lifestyles. Its as if they failed to develop such relationships and are thinking "Errrr... Oh, f#ck... Uh, you know what? This is right where I wanted everything anyway."
I'm glad you got it all figured out! This annoys me to no end that intelligent human beings actually think that you have to be a couple to be successfully happy I know plenty of women my age who have lost their husbands and they also say they would never marry again or even date.
You have no idea what you're talking about a lot of women are exceptionally independent and love being so.
You can and are welcome to theorize all you want but until you walk in somebody's shoes you don't know how the other person feels so I suggest you stop presuming to know it all!
You had no intention whatsoever of listening to anyone else's Theory. You started this thread purposely to tell people that there's something wrong with them if they want to be by themselves.
And I'm going to add that you think you've got it all figured out but unfortunately you're wrong actually I see someone who feels the way you do as kind of weak because you have to have someone in your life to be happy so I guess it works both ways! It's all about the individual and what is best for them what makes them happy and and by God I wouldn't trade what I have now for a million bucks
Last edited by cremebrulee; 09-18-2017 at 04:21 PM..
Whatever the case is, they should not be telling that that's the way for others, who are not like them.
Who is "they"? Unfortunately some people are more judgmental than others. IMHO they don't tend to be too discerning about people in general. Doesn't make them right neither does it mean you have to let their comments bother you. I am quite content on my own most of the time. Sure, just like most loners there are times when I feel lonely or something seems to be missing. It doesn't change my outlook on life particularly. There's a difference between needing someone and wanting someone. Also a lot of grey area in between.
OP you sound like a complete, whole person to me. It's not that you have to be HAPPY alone. If you expect good things then they are apt to happen. Keep working on yourself to be positive, decent, kind, and all the things that will make you an awesome catch for some lucky person.
If you're interested in meeting someone then you better get yourself out there (please practice good grooming and smelling nice is a big plus). If I was a guy looking for someone there are those paint parties full of females. And you sound like an artist. Go create.
I am sure we all heard some form of such nonsense, like "you have to be happy on your own before you can start relationships with others" or "you have to be complete person as opposed to have someone else compliment your existence".
If you are deep down unhappy inside I would think it is best to address whatever issues are going on before you drag someone else into your life. Otherwise someone new may be a short term boost but you need to first address what is wrong.
Myself I am fine alone or in a relationship. Makes myself feel less needy. I don't want to feel like I need someone else just to feel happy.
If you can't make you happy, you can't expect someone else to.
But if you're just unhappy that you haven't found a partner then that is different.
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Who is "they"? Unfortunately some people are more judgmental than others. IMHO they don't tend to be too discerning about people in general. Doesn't make them right neither does it mean you have to let their comments bother you. I am quite content on my own most of the time. Sure, just like most loners there are times when I feel lonely or something seems to be missing. It doesn't change my outlook on life particularly. There's a difference between needing someone and wanting someone. Also a lot of grey area in between.
I had a male friend, who has now since passed from cancer. He was indeed a loyal and trust worthy friend. We had known each other since 7th grade.
After I left my ex, we reconnected and would share conversation on the phone now and then. He told me, that the longer your alone, the more you will enjoy being by yourself.
Well, at the time I thought he was so off base...b/c I thought and believed I needed someone in my life to feel whole, to feel loved and wanted. I was conditioned to believe that way, as most of us are.
He couldn't have been more correct.
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