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Probably many people can think of at least one fair weather friend they had in their life. What are people's thoughts about the psychology behind these kind of people? Are they just selfish? Fearful? Etc..
And is there any point to keeping a fair weather friend, just for chit chat and superficial fun? Personally I don't think there is because it would be hard to enjoy things like coffee or the beach etc with someone you're aware won't be there in a time when "real life" happens- such as sickness, divorce etc
I tend to be cautious with friends that come on hard and fast because experience has taught me they disappear just as fast still I am willing to enjoy them on an acquaintance friend level. Usually they get bored real fast and move onto their next target but there are no hard feelings.
I don't like fair weather friends, personally. When something better comes along, or they no longer need someone, then they vanish.
And on a related note, I'm most annoyed by people who will talk to me at a social gathering when they are drunk, or at least had several drinks. But once they are sober, they become snobbish and won't be friendly any more. I don't know if that's a common feature of alcoholics, but I now won't talk to anyone who seems intoxicated. I'll just say "you're drunk" and walk off. And talk to someone else. Because I know that drunk person isn't really my friend.
Probably many people can think of at least one fair weather friend they had in their life. What are people's thoughts about the psychology behind these kind of people? Are they just selfish? Fearful? Etc..
And is there any point to keeping a fair weather friend, just for chit chat and superficial fun? Personally I don't think there is because it would be hard to enjoy things like coffee or the beach etc with someone you're aware won't be there in a time when "real life" happens- such as sickness, divorce etc
I actually can enjoy things like coffee or the beach with people who I know won't be there when a rug is pulled right out from under me. It is mostly because I group "friends" in three categories.
There are those who don't have their ducks in a row, and/or have spare time, or don't have a person to share experiences with and are looking for my companionship as a way to fill in that time, especially to "share" problems. These are the ones who are more likely to complain about me being a fair weather friend. The truth is that I just want them to get their life in order so that I can enjoy that coffee or beach.
Then there are those who make time for you. These are a completely different class of friends and the ones you really want to know. Most are too independent for people looking for "besties." They usually know something is up before you mention it.
Finally, the ones who are only there when times are good. Hey, nobody else was available so lets hang out.
As far as death, disease or divorce, most people I know help each other out. We don't have to be best friends for us to help you out.
I think there is a way to enjoy their companionship in the moment. I had a lot of fair-weather mommy friends when my kids were little. But hey, if it's between being alone with a baby and hanging out with someone, it was better to hang out with someone. And I'm sure there are a million other situations where that would apply.
I think it's just about being aware of the reality of the relationship.
I have lots of friends at different levels of closeness. Fair weather friends can be fine, they would probably be on my acquaintance list and I wouldn't trust them like I do close friends. It's the drama queens who always have a crisis, and the flakes who are perpetually late, forgetful, and have their head in the clouds, that I can't be friends with.
Maybe to be willing to accept some superficial companionship of an acquaintance would be different than one whom you actually considered to be a friend. A friend is different than an acquaintance-- someone you chat with at a book club much different than an actual friend. But then again I wouldn't see an acquaintance as being one whom I would turn to if I was struggling through a difficult time. A friend , of course, and if a friend won't be there for you when life happens as it will to most people, they become an acquaintance.
Maybe to be willing to accept some superficial companionship of an acquaintance would be different than one whom you actually considered to be a friend. A friend is different than an acquaintance-- someone you chat with at a book club much different than an actual friend. But then again I wouldn't see an acquaintance as being one whom I would turn to if I was struggling through a difficult time. A friend , of course, and if a friend won't be there for you when life happens as it will to most people, they become an acquaintance.
That's pretty much how it works. When you run into a problem and a friend is by your side, they learn a lot about you, which can strengthen the friendship or weaken it. So I am careful about who becomes close (no needy people), but I don't abandon somebody reaching out for help. They just might not get the help they want.
Sometimes you choose to handle problems by yourself and friends get upset that you do not come to them for help.
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