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We had a family member that was a serious narcissist. We looked up traits of someone with NPD and after knowing this person for 25 plus years I mean he checked every box. Ten or fifteen signs and he literally displayed every one on a really consistent basis.
He died at 90 years old thinking that the whole damn world was wrong and had nothing to do with any of his actions.
There is no way for them to "know" they have NPD unless they research it themselves or hear it from someone else.
NPDs themselves will rarely research it, and therapy is usually not successful for them. It is the people around them (family, coworkers) who often seek therapy. If the NPD is given an ultimatum, h/she may attend therapy but will get little out of it.
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Personality disorders are so damaging because the individual's perception of the "real world" is way off. Yet, they don't know this. They may often think others are crazy
Yes, and to them, their perception IS reality. Personality disorders develop as a result of severe trauma in early childhood. Developing their specific traits is the way these individuals have adapted to their environment, so their traits have served them well and they will be resistant to giving them up.
I have a family member who is probably NPD. My aunt pointed it out, and on one of these websites, this family member matched 17 out of 20 pretty solidly. She is a bit different than the ones I read about because she does have an element of kindness and giving as well. Something about it all is done in a way where if something is not her way, she thinks it is okay to yell and demean other family members.
I'm not sure if I can do anything else besides keep my distance when appropriate, and deal with the situation and keeping calm as feasible as possible. And not let her behavior depress me or take my confidence away.
Certainly over a period of time, one or more persons has told them... Perhaps they have even been medically diagnosed.
But having been involved with one.... I am quite sure that many (if not most) will dismiss these as simply opinions of the "unenlightened".
I have come to believe that they are certainly aware of their actions and their consequences.
As a result... they almost certainly have some control, and apparently are aware of social norms.
In my case at least, while she was aware, she simply did not care!
Remember, part of the disorder is the ability to reject social norms and act purely on their own desires.
Add to this a lack of remorse, and an ability to justify nearly any action...
So, the question..... Are they self aware that they are broken personalities?
Hi, haven't read through all the replies. The word narcissist popped up in a feed and here I am.
I feel I was married to one (dated for six years before marrying) and in MY observations -- he was NOT any different than anyone else. Of course. He is superior in thought, word, deed, etc. The problem is with everyone else. He was ok. Even better.
I began to do some research, and in MY N's case, I feel something so awful and terrible was happening to him, while growing up- that he began to close off from feeling to survive. From his very abusive father - to even sibling rivalry that was abusive. His mother kept him in a crib until he was seven years old, he needed to change quickly. Fake it. Stop the pain. Don't share or show hurt: it isn't manly. Big boys don't cry.
Then a new sib was born with down syndrome. A girl. The father blamed the mother for this child's ailment -- and took his frustrations out on his three sons.
I heard some stories from my ex about his father's treatment. He would tell the story in a laughing mode. As if it were funny. Beatings? Removing heat in the bedroom? OMG.
The man iodolized his father. His father was a saint. Had to do what he had to do.
I always felt my ex had some other issues. I knew he didn't pass third grade the first time out. He had severely poor reading skills - couldnt understand the written word. So, he depended upon tv, radio and friends to keep current. Found a job where he relied on patterns and could serve a apprenticeship...tried taking a class at a vocational college and had to drop out. But he kept those books close by in case someone were to see them! Couldn't get thru the first chapter.
He watched friends and how THEY treated their dates. My ex mimicked them. And became quite good at embellishing and out and out LYING to get by. Always had the BEST reason why he was late. Never called. Etc.
Had me fooled! But, came to learn he could not FEEL or FAKE the feeling of love. He couldn't feel my anguish, heartache, etc. Could not get close to his kids. Not at all. Cold. Dead inside. But the life of the party.
Like the time when my mom passed away and all my sibs/spouses were gathered together. Mine was absent. He called to say he was going out for a drink with a friend...
Took it for a long time for I changed too.
Last edited by SunnySam16; 10-15-2017 at 09:30 AM..
Sorry if this has been said...couldn't read every post... Narcissism 101 :
NPD....personality disorder, is treatable, but incurable.
The DSM-5 explains better...the mental diagnosis bible.
Why is it incurable? Because they simply do not have certain synapses in their brains that connect.
You can't go in and repair the bridge...there was never a bridge...due to trauma usually before 3.
So when your synapses connected by crying and being picked up...they may have cried for hours then been
yelled at and a door slammed...and worse, consistently.
They can remember a birthday and act accordingly, because they have learned...'this gets a good response'.
So people think they are normal often and have the ability to stop
there other weird behaviors.
Remember Rhesus monkeys died with no touch from another.
After a weekend with my narci-SO, it's really getting so familiar. He used to just show annoyance at me saying anything that doesn't revolve around him. Now he has anxiety post-heart attack so he just expresses agitation and angst, borderline panic attack behavior to show he can't abide my voice.
All conversations have to be initiated by him, dominated by him and I can say NOTHING for hours and he finds nothing wrong with this.
So many times he has to adjust or correct something that I've touched just because no one can do it right except him (certainly not me). I was a bit ticked this morning about his going behind me and changing the way I left things. When he asks me "what's wrong" and I tell him he gets mad at me for pointing to anything that might be his fault. If he blusters on I just say "I'm not going to talk to you about it because we can't communicate" (I've asked for counseling for communication but no....he doesn't need to change) He accepts that answer and nothing gets resolved.
When I leave him and he asks why I'm going to repeat what I told him a year ago. "I'm not happy. We aren't communicating. We needed counseling."
I'm so through. Just gotta get my game plan down. Lots of factors. I'm not letting it bug me like it used to. (can't tell, right?) This is just fresh. I'm home now and over it.
Hi, haven't read through all the replies. The word narcissist popped up in a feed and here I am.
I feel I was married to one (dated for six years before marrying) and in MY observations -- he was NOT any different than anyone else. Of course. He is superior in thought, word, deed, etc. The problem is with everyone else. He was ok. Even better.
I began to do some research, and in MY N's case, I feel something so awful and terrible was happening to him, while growing up- that he began to close off from feeling to survive.
I stopped here because an Aunt who is very perceptive said this about her N mother. 'She was fighting for the right to exist'. And I agree, because she had to fight to SURVIVE, as you say here, growing up.
I know what she had to fight. It makes me sad to wonder what in the fork happened to my brother. It had to be bad.
Sorry if this has been said...couldn't read every post... Narcissism 101 :
NPD....personality disorder, is treatable, but incurable.
The DSM-5 explains better...the mental diagnosis bible.
Why is it incurable? Because they simply do not have certain synapses in their brains that connect.
You can't go in and repair the bridge...there was never a bridge...due to trauma usually before 3.
So when your synapses connected by crying and being picked up...they may have cried for hours then been
yelled at and a door slammed...and worse, consistently.
They can remember a birthday and act accordingly, because they have learned...'this gets a good response'.
So people think they are normal often and have the ability to stop
there other weird behaviors.
Remember Rhesus monkeys died with no touch from another.
My understanding is that these things must be interspersed with unearned praise to create a narcissist rather than a sociopath.
Whether it's 'curable' or at least helpable, I think depends on how high on the scale the N is, whether they want to, and other factors.
To expand on my above post, many disorders started out as necessary skills to survive, and if people want to, they can learn new ways of behaving when they are taught this, and shown how their previous behavior was good for before, but not now.
However, I realize that most do not want help. And because of that, we are really actually behind in knowing what all could hypothetically BE done.
They talk about this in 'Mindhunters' on Netflix. The psychologist tells the FBI guys interviewing these psychopaths is awesome. They don't seek help, so we normally can't study them. But only learning about psychopathic N's doesn't necessarily help us learn how to deal with all the lesser levels......
No, narcissists do not retain awareness. All they care about is how good they look to others. A narcissist that is self-aware is not a narcissist.
Well, I think my parents are aware so that means they are not narcissists'. So that means they are just a$$h0!es. lol
I can see that. lol
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