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When someone is walking down the middle of a busy street and gets hit by car, do people say, well maybe he shouldn't have been walking down the middle of the street?
This is illegal.
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When a person leaves a car unlocked in a shady part of town, do people say, hey next time LOCK YOU DOORS?
Maybe but that does not mean they are to blame.
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When someone in a casino is waving the stack of money he just won, exclaiming Wow Look how much I won, and gets robbed on his way out, do people say, probably shouldn't have announced you were carrying all that cash?
YES.
Uhm, no. Speak for yourself, I wouldn't blame anyone for someone else's actions.
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Common sense. Don't do stupid stuff that ultimately hurts YOU. Take responsibility for YOURSELF. You are the only YOU you've got. Take care of it. And that include women making stupid choices. Take better care of yourself.
So victims have to take responsibility for their actions over that of criminals. Makes total sense.
I remember a case in Italy when a 64 year old women was raped by a 30 year and he claimed she wanted it because she was enticing him with her flirty smile and daisy dress. Then there are women covered head to toe but asked for it with their eyes, uh huh. Those shameful hussies swinging their hips using those walkers, and women showing cleavage, or showing their kneecaps or the 90 year olds not shutting their curtains and enticing attention
I know...I shudder at this mind set...
And the idea that this is somehow a liberal construct...
We are, apparently, not that far removed from our burka wearing sisters.
It's still not clear to me what sharing responsibility even means. If a man rapes a woman are we going to stone them both to death, him for rape and her for "asking for it"?
How about we teach our young people, particularly boys, that consent cannot be assumed. It cannot be given if incapacitated (drunk/passed out/concussed/etc.) and can be revoked at any time, meaning that if any point someone changes their mind, you stop. Adolescent boys today assume that if they snapchat a girl and she comes over, they have consent. They also assume that if they've had sex with someone before, that is license to always get it from that person. We need to teach our kids that no one is entitled to sex and consent needs to be explicit each time you engage in sexual activity. If you are unsure, get verbal, explicit clarification and if you can't get clarification, just please, don't do it.
I had a real change of heart about this. There really are women walking around in hoodies and jeans (not sexy or showing boobs at all) who still get raped or sexually assaulted.
A woman who walks around half naked isn't asking for it. No one asks for rape. She is inviting sexual attention, which is okay only if SHE is okay with it. When she isn't and he still comes at her, it's become his fault.
Responsibility for oneself does not depend on gender.
If someone assaults someone else gender does not matter. They still assaulted someone.
If someone gets drunk and does something stupid their gender does not matter. They were still drunk and stupid.
Rape does not have to be based on gender. Its about power and both are capable of it.
I meet a guy in a bar. He's inebriated but accompanies me to my house. As he walks in the door, he sees a sign that says, "Sperms & Perms- Mandatory Vasectomies and Spiral Perms Done." He says, "Oh, no way. I'm leaving. I changed my mind. I don't want you to touch my Vas deferens or my handsome, masculine hair." But he's just too drunk and passes out. I guess he's getting a vasectomy and a curly perm. I mean, he willingly came home with me. It's not like I have any control over myself. If he's here, I have to do those things. It's just how it is. Women have needs. Everyone knows that. Now that he's here in my house, he's consented, so I can do whatever I want with him and he should just shut up about it because no one will believe him, anyway. And his hair looks really stupid so no other woman's going to want him. He's damaged goods now.
(No one should assume anything just because someone accompanies you to your house. That's my thought on it, anyway.)
Last edited by Nicci6Squirrels; 10-17-2017 at 04:48 PM..
Responsibility for oneself does not depend on gender.
Rape does not have to be based on gender. Its about power and both are capable of it.
This is unquestionably true; however, the vast majority of sexual assaults (up to 99% in some studies) are committed by men. Hence the importance of changing the culture via education of males. Everyone can use the education, but the fact that most sexual assaults are committed by men means there are cultural phenomenon at play that factor in and need to be addressed. Stop blaming the victims and educate the people who are perpetrating most of the assaults and the culture can change. Continuing to tell victims they were asking for it only propagates the myth that those in power can take what they want without responsibility.
I have never been drunk in my life. One of several reasons, is that a female acquaintance when I was a teen, went to a "parents not home" party. I got a call the next morning to come and walk her home. She went only to find she was the only girl there. But she knew and trusted several of the boys, and in fact I knew and trusted them, too. I'd dated two of them. One had lived on my couch for months when his family kicked him out of the house. They all...eight of them, all involved...after she was drunk enough to be in and out of consciousness, raped her. Multiple boys at once, use of objects, and after the fact the next day, THEY LAUGHED about it. By the end of the week, the whole school knew, but the boys acted like she was willing. She was mostly unconscious. She had been a virgin, do not tell me she was consenting to all that. She didn't want police reports filed, because she didn't want her parents to find out she'd snuck out of the house.
Shortly after, she disappeared. I never knew if she ran away or killed herself or ended up in a mental hospital or what. I wasn't that close to her.
So, I have never trusted anyone enough to get drunk around them. Ever.
Look, I do think there are things we can do to help ourselves be safer, and we probably should do them. None of it excuses the actions of a predator. And if you need to get a woman inebriated to help your game, then you're a predator. And pathetic, and disgusting, on top of it.
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Originally Posted by Waterdragon8212
How about we teach our young people, particularly boys, that consent cannot be assumed. It cannot be given if incapacitated (drunk/passed out/concussed/etc.) and can be revoked at any time, meaning that if any point someone changes their mind, you stop. Adolescent boys today assume that if they snapchat a girl and she comes over, they have consent. They also assume that if they've had sex with someone before, that is license to always get it from that person. We need to teach our kids that no one is entitled to sex and consent needs to be explicit each time you engage in sexual activity. If you are unsure, get verbal, explicit clarification and if you can't get clarification, just please, don't do it.
No, everyone, not especially or particularly boys. As a kid I learned that consent is something that a guy has to get from a girl if he wants to have sex with her. That is wrong. I saw teenage girls chase, harass, grope, and assault the boys, and yeah...sometimes the boys JUST AREN'T INTERESTED. And they have every right to say no, too. But a girl, especially if she's attractive and knows it (or at least thinks she is) sometimes doesn't understand that he has that right, to tell her no. So yeah seriously, girls need to be educated on consent, so do boys, and we need to make darn sure we're clear that everyone of any gender has it, and no one of any gender has a right to violate it for any reason.
Also, folks, if it's not clear, consent is not simply when someone does not tell you "no." It is also if they don't or cannot say "yes."
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