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My old friend was married about 18 years and now divorced for almost six... she said she is going to ask her husband to send her something for their anniversary because she put a lot of time in the relationship and should be acknowledged. He's single and she said he does it but I suspect if he meets someone she won't like him sending her stuff for their anniversary that is kind of like compensation or something... I would venture to say most people will not agree with her request or him going along with it. She said he travelled way too much on many occasions he wasn't required to by his work but offered or agreed to it and that was the main factor that led to breakdown of the marriage so she feels like she should be compensated for how she sacrificed over the years, iow being a single parent on his long business trips.
Wow. Talk about holding a grudge! A unique mix of compensation and entitlement! Her freedom was her compensation. If she asks you about this about the only response I could imagine would be:
"hmmm, I wouldn't hold my breath on that one."
or (a quote from a movie)
"I wouldn't want to hang from a rope until you get it".
But then I wouldn't want to get on this woman's bad side either.
Although if I did, I might just get it. Married for 7, divorced for 24. Remarried for 13.
And my ex sends me text messages twice a day, every day, to tell me good morning & good night & he has for years. I usually don’t answer; maybe once a week I’ll say “thank you! “ & 2 weeks ago I did tell him happy birthday.
Last month I reminded him, literally, that I am “fundamentally flawed”. He said he can’t help it, maybe he’s crazy, etc ...
I answered “ Maybe I caused you to have PTSD”. He just replied “lol!” The only other LTR I’ve ever had was with the certified Sociopath I mention now & again. Now that he’s out of prison ( again) occasionally he’ll message me on social media & remind me that I “was the only woman able to make a man out of him”.
I always ignore him but I have to stifle the urge to reply “ Obviously, I didn’t do a very good job!”
I have no clue what’s going on with these guys but it never occurred to me to ask for a gift. That’s ... weird.
Although if I did, I might just get it. Married for 7, divorced for 24. Remarried for 13.
And my ex sends me text messages twice a day, every day, to tell me good morning & good night & he has for years. I usually don’t answer; maybe once a week I’ll say “thank you! “ & 2 weeks ago I did tell him happy birthday.
Last month I reminded him, literally, that I am “fundamentally flawed”. He said he can’t help it, maybe he’s crazy, etc ...
I answered “ Maybe I caused you to have PTSD”. He just replied “lol!” The only other LTR I’ve ever had was with the certified Sociopath I mention now & again. Now that he’s out of prison ( again) occasionally he’ll message me on social media & remind me that I “was the only woman able to make a man out of him”.
I always ignore him but I have to stifle the urge to reply “ Obviously, I didn’t do a very good job!”
I have no clue what’s going on with these guys but it never occurred to me to ask for a gift. That’s ... weird.
IMO, this is borderline "unacceptable communication" between the two of you. If I was our current spouse, I would be questioning this seriously. It has nothing to do with being "insecure or jealous", it's just a respect thing. It's good that you ignore him mostly though.
That's just weird. I have great admiration and respect for people who are able to remain friends after a divorce, and can even understand giving a gift for a birthday or holiday, but it's not their anniversary anymore. Why she would want yearly tokens to commemorate a failed marriage is completely beyond my comprehension.
My old friend was married about 18 years and now divorced for almost six... she said she is going to ask her husband to send her something for their anniversary because she put a lot of time in the relationship and should be acknowledged. He's single and she said he does it but I suspect if he meets someone she won't like him sending her stuff for their anniversary that is kind of like compensation or something... I would venture to say most people will not agree with her request or him going along with it. She said he travelled way too much on many occasions he wasn't required to by his work but offered or agreed to it and that was the main factor that led to breakdown of the marriage so she feels like she should be compensated for how she sacrificed over the years, iow being a single parent on his long business trips.
Would you say she is lonely and regrets the divorce?
She exudes a tough "hey I don't care, I'm good with all that, I've never been happier personna, tend to think it's an act she puts on to tell herself she's okay.
They are divorced. That was her "reward" for his perceived poor behavior.
Talk about entitlement. They are done. Holding onto a grudge like that is, in the words of Carrie Fisher, like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Right? They've been divorced for six years. The window for apology gifts has closed. The ship has sailed.
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