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Back in the day wasn't so bad in some respects. You didn't have a willing audience to listen to your complaints. Too much and your friends and family would tell you to get over it, or start distancing themselves from you because you were a kiiljoy. Social media enables negative attention which unfortunately so many thrive on, because to them, negative attention is better than none at all. I think for some, they use the Internet to hide behind, get validation from, yet all the while remaining stuck where they are. They're not improving themselves but rather getting support to stay where they, miserably, are.
Basically.
Some people rather stay in their "safe zone" being miserable and sad because it's easier. Nobody ever said change was easy, but when someone gets tired enough, they'll do what they need to do to pull it together.
Some people rather stay in their "safe zone" being miserable and sad because it's easier. Nobody ever said change was easy, but when someone gets tired enough, they'll do what they need to do to pull it together.
After a while the world just tears down some people until anger is all that's left for them. So they react with increasing amounts of rage till the world accommodates them just so you move on. They become the human equivalent of a feral cat. Not saying it's right but life can kick the crap out some of people. And all that's left for them is, you guessed it.. Anger.
I guess we shouldn't blame anyone for anything...good idea!
Unless it is a case of a clear crime or violation of another person, and necessitates a response such as criminal prosecution, or at least placing boundaries to make yourself safe from an abusive person, then no, blame is often very counterproductive.
When you blame others for your problems, you disempower yourself to do anything but continue to suffer. See it every day here with men who struggle in dating, how it's women's fault...but if women are to blame, then how come so many men do find relationships, even men who aren't "top 10% whatever" do. No, they are the common denominator and the only one who can make any difference.
But then they are left with, if they accept that they are to BLAME (that word again) then instead of seeing it as something they have the power to change, and doing something about it, they leap from blame to punishment and just beat themselves up. Well, that sure isn't productive.
The biggest problem with blame, is that it's usually associated with punishment. It's how our culture and society operate, maybe it's even human nature. But an issue like a boy or man dealing with rejection, is not ever solved by blaming or punishing anybody.
[quote=49ersfan27;50056322 "make your money, live your life, and let a woman know she's into you first." I took his advice and surprise I met a 20 year old (she was 19 when I met her ) woman at school. I opened the door for her, asked what her name was, got her number, and basically stopped there. She showed romantic interest and I asked her out. We've been dating for almost a month now, things are going well so far.[/QUOTE]
This is the main problem. Parents that didnt know what they were doing and met someone by chance can only say "you'll meet someone eventually", but they have no idea how it works or why. No one is teaching anyone anything, and they cant when they dont know. This is why boys are failing, and girls are going after the wrong boys(screwing them up for later in life). Its even worse for boys that dont have peers to teach them along the way. So the internet is now the best place to find out how to get over the hurdles, but the information is SO contradictory to what we grow up thinking that its hard to swallow, until you they it.
I’ve never had a girlfriend but I’ve talked to girls for years on the internet and I felt like we were like a couple but they just say we are friends years later and I’m used to it now. If I had a girlfriend I don’t think I’d be mad unless she said we couldn’t even be friends. I’d be mad for a little while and just think glad I got to spend time with them.
Unless it is a case of a clear crime or violation of another person, and necessitates a response such as criminal prosecution, or at least placing boundaries to make yourself safe from an abusive person, then no, blame is often very counterproductive.
When you blame others for your problems, you disempower yourself to do anything but continue to suffer. See it every day here with men who struggle in dating, how it's women's fault...but if women are to blame, then how come so many men do find relationships, even men who aren't "top 10% whatever" do. No, they are the common denominator and the only one who can make any difference.
But then they are left with, if they accept that they are to BLAME (that word again) then instead of seeing it as something they have the power to change, and doing something about it, they leap from blame to punishment and just beat themselves up. Well, that sure isn't productive.
The biggest problem with blame, is that it's usually associated with punishment. It's how our culture and society operate, maybe it's even human nature. But an issue like a boy or man dealing with rejection, is not ever solved by blaming or punishing anybody.
I think a lot of the time there is confusion and overlap between blame and accountability/responsibility. Blame connotes a moral judgment, even if that isn't the intent of the person using the word. If someone sees the world as a place where blame has to be assigned when things don't work out, their choice is to blame themselves or someone or thing outside themselves. Someone or something has to be the bad guy.
Thinking in terms of accountability and responsibility is a way out of that trap. The shame is that some people can't shake the almost puritanical blame mindset, and either wallow in self pity (blame themselves) or lash out (blame others). Making the shift to an accountability mindset doesn't necessarily reduce the work you need to do, but it does make you a more pleasant person to be around and people working to improve their lives are kind of attractive, so there's that bonus.
well maybe us guys are sick and tired of the burden of having to always risk-rejection, always fall on us shoulders
Then stop risking it if you are tired of doing it. There are basically two choices in life: seek out what you want or sit back and wait for what you want to come to you. Either way, you risk disappointment. You just have to decide which way gives more of a chance of getting what you want.
Then stop risking it if you are tired of doing it. There are basically two choices in life: seek out what you want or sit back and wait for what you want to come to you.
While your advice is excellent, you forgot the third option: Post about it on every single CD thread he can find in one day.
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