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I think today's society makes it hard to truly speak our minds as someone somewhere is bound to get offended. I find it annoying that I can't even say what I really want to say because I think it's offensive when most of the time, it's probably not. I have spoken before when I thought it was offensive and I don't think I even offended them. I think the only time I offended someone was when I was trying too hard to be funny.
Just posting this because I'm a little upset that I've let a lot of things go at the sake of my well-being because I was afraid of offending someone or that they would be mad. Not sure if this is related but my dad has very bad temper problems. He would explode at the drop of a hat if he didn't like something or if you tried to talk back to him. We learned to be quiet. I also had a close friend of 15 years who would get really offended at the smallest things I said (when I wasn't even trying to be mean) and instead of telling me she didn't like it she would just glare at me, turn around and walk away. It's made me learn to walk on eggshells.
Neither of these people are in my life anymore. I still see my dad occasionally but I don't live in the same state as him but they still affect me on a daily basis and it's making me really angry, annoyed, and sad. I also have no patience to try and understand something anymore. I just jump right into things and those are some of my biggest mistakes (most of them are career mistakes but I sense myself wanting to jump into relationships too. Good thing I have no desire to date right now or the mess would be bigger).
I don't think talking to a therapist will help. I think what I need are some practical techniques to listen to myself more. Most of the time I brush off that little voice in my head. How do I make it louder and more assertive? Because I find that my instincts are right 99% of the time but I still don't seem to trust it as much as I should.
The biggest thing that helped me was to believe that I was teachable and that I wanted to be teachable. Now, if your dad exploded, then there was no way to learn this value from him.
As far as your other example with your friend, when she glared at you, you learn from that. Now, that doesn't mean give up on your friendship or even give in, but it could mean that you cannot have a close relationship. You will have to pay attention to her body language when you choose to be around her. I have found that the more I learned about my friends, the closer we became. I learned the rules first, then I knew how to be funny around them.
The behaviors you listed about yourself are based on fear. You cannot teach yourself when you are afraid.
Your dad exploding or your friend reacting inappropriately didn't mean YOU did or said anything wrong.
Do others in your life routinely find you offensive? Do you frequently find yourself in situations where many people react to what you say negatively? If not, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you have a pattern of being offensive.
Your dad exploding or your friend reacting inappropriately didn't mean YOU did or said anything wrong.
Do others in your life routinely find you offensive? Do you frequently find yourself in situations where many people react to what you say negatively? If not, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you have a pattern of being offensive.
I don't think so but I have become incredibly insecure with speaking to people. I feel like they hate talking to me or don't want to be around me.
By the way, I am no longer friends with that person through her decision. Looking back, I had a bad feeling about her when we first met but I was an insecure pre-teen who didn't know better and stuck around her. She later grew on me and I completely forgot how manipulative and mean she was.
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