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Wow, there isn't allot of help here from a male perspective. I guess I will be the one to bite. Prior to getting married, and had ALLOT of girlfriends. I'm not the most attractive guy on this planet, but I am an excellent communicator. All I really had to do when I was single was just start talking to a woman, and it went from there. I never really "had" to try. Granted, I wasn't looking for long term relationships at that point, but I never had to lie, or deceive women to date them.
As a guy, the very first thing I looked at was how the woman was dressed. If she took pride in her appearance, I was already interested. I'm not saying that she had to wear expensive clothing.
The second thing I looked at, was how much she smiled. A warm smile conveys allot, it draws you in. So just dressing well, and having a great, warm smile, you are already in the door.
The third, would be her demeanor. Did she walk around looking angry all day?
I never really had a "type". I dated white women, black women, Hispanic, tall, skinny, short, normal, and overweight. I've dated flat chested women, and women with big racks. I was more concerned with how much fun I was having.
The best way to find out how people perceive you, is to ask someone who doesn't really care for you. Find that co-worker that you never got along with, and ask them. They won't hesitate to tell you the truth.
I don't care if a supermodel walked in the door, if she was dressed sloppily, acted sheepish, and had a bad demeanor, I wouldn't be interested at all.
Post a recent picture, blur your face if you desire anonymity. (Though that likely defeats the point...)
Though a picture alone doesn't tell the whole story. Without having any idea of who you are as a person, no one here is really going to able to make an accurate assessment of your attractiveness. Also, what is attractive to anyone of us, may not be attractive to another. So it's really all about perspective.
Even with your big rack and the fact that you're married, you have terrible self-esteem. That does communicate in a variety of ways that repel instead of attract.
You need to resolve that, OP.
This ^^^ combined with likely not knowing how to portray yourself in best light physically coupled with this ^^^. Reminds me of a young girl in a church singles group I met years and years ago. Had a pleasant enough personality when you initially met her and yet there always seemed this other something going on that made the spider sense tingle saying **stay away - avoid**
The thing that sticks in my mind all these years later was when we went as group to celebrate her birthday and her family came along. The parents seemed old country and miserable and the brothers seemed like deadbeats and all I could think of after watching the interaction between them that there was some dysfunction / psychological problem beneath the surface. She was easy on the eyes and fit too.
An extra 40 pounds on 5'5 inch female frame if it is not displaced or held well will not be as flattering to men as you think unless they are of certain cultures that like certain features butt I won't go there.
You sound sort of like the type that got married because everyone else was and that it was the thing to do. I wouldn't worry about the men thing I'd focus on yourself and your mindset and outlook.
Do an assessment of things to be thankful for, things you'd like to accomplish and then start taking steps to do so it will help build your confidence and likely have positive effects all around. At the same time begin a personal fitness regimen in something that is reflective like Yoga / Pilates and start being responsible for your well being and happiness. I bet your husband will notice.
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