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Well, if it means anything, I perceive Charlotte to be a boring cultural backwater despite also being a coastal boomtown....
This issue is pertinent to me, because I also don't really like where I live (although i don't think my dislike for my metro area is as intense as yours is). I've decided that focusing a bit more on personal goals and the like can make me forget about the industrial decay and bleak weather conditions/people that surround me. But one can only deceive oneself so much without harming one's mental health in perhaps a different fashion than by experiencing the harm one incurs by being fixated on and depressed by the state of one's surroundings. I don't have a concrete answer to offer as I have yet to arrive at a solution myself.
What do people consider backwater? A lot of people may consider all of the South as backwater yet know nothing about the south. If one looks at some voting polls from the last election, there are towns/cities in the south that are just as progressive as the most progressive parts in the country.
What do people consider backwater? A lot of people may consider all of the South as backwater yet know nothing about the south. If one looks at some voting polls from the last election, there are towns/cities in the south that are just as progressive as the most progressive parts in the country.
Here's the voting by state and county. Too many people group large parts of the country IMO, but one should look at it on the county level.
Charlotte, NC voted for 62% for HRC, Erie County NY was 51% for HRC. I wouldn't say that one is backwater or not (again, not sure what people consider backwater), but I would also add well educated people, some culture and people being open-minded is a positive for me.
Here's a life tip. Stop listening to your own stupid opinions.
Reject your own unsolicited opinions of how other people choose to live.
Relax, God's in charge.
I guarantee if you adopt this new frame of mind your outlook and life will turn around.
It can't not do.
Go on forums like this and tell people you live in News York or San Francisco, instead of saying its Oklahoma City. That should improve your psychic self esteem.
I think you have two different issues intertwined --- how you feel about yourself and whether the place you live has what you want. You need to separate them.
For example, I'm not particularly happy about where I live. It's not the rural nature, nor that others perceive it as a backwater. I'm perfectly fine with that. Rather it's that I'd love to have the freedom of the mountains or watch the sunrise through the mist over a lake. Instead it's just geographically boring, with few readily accessible public parks where I can take a hike after work.
But that is completely separate from how I view myself as a person. I'm not defined by where I live but then I don't see New York or San Francisco as being somewhere "better" either.
OP, what are your core values and what do you look for in others?
I think having inner confidence and feeling comfortable to go against the grain instead of following the masses is a great thing regardless of where you live. I would work on that and personal development instead of getting caught up in where you live.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
If you think living in NYC or LA is glamorous, you must be very wealthy. Quality of life for the middle class is much better in lower cost places.
That's a good point. You can live like a king in a certain place and pauper in another with the same income. And if it's an area where people are more into keeping up with the Jones, that could lower one's feeling of self-worth even more. I think the feeling of self-worth needs to come from within.
You relate your low self-esteem to where you live because you HATE where you live. You accept the stereotypes about OKC because you've been on the receiving end of a lot of the worst of them.
I am generally someone who believes "wherever you go, there you are." But there are times when it makes sense to move. I had to leave my hometown once I "maximized" my happiness level with what I had to work with. I realize now that it was largely to get away from unpleasantness associated with my family - I was just not going to be able to thrive there given all the baggage. I actually LOVED my home town, but there were too many negative experiences associated with it.
Your family sucks. You need to find the courage to walk away from them. And I get it - I really do. I'm being forced to accept at 41 that my mother has been a malevolent force in my life and has no interest in a relationship with me on anything but her terms exclusively. I need to walk away entirely - I'm just having a hard time accepting it. And honestly, you should probably do the same.
You need therapy badly, OP, to realign how you think about yourself. You've been given a lot of good advice on these boards on how to get out of your situation. I really think what you need to do is get yourself to the doctor, get some mood meds - zoloft, prozac, SOMETHING to give yourself the oomph to move forward and then start taking steps.
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