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I've posted numerous threads on the fact that I strongly dislike Oklahoma City, would like to move, and why I can't. And while there are very valid reasons I would want to leave, those alone can't justify the kind of misery I am in because I live here. It comes down to the fact my sense of self-worth is tied to where I live and since Oklahoma City is perceived very poorly nationally due to it's stereotypes (many of which are exaggerated but have an element of truth), those reflect on me because I live here. On top of that, there is the entire sense of failure in life because I had to move here, which contributes to the sense of self-worth issue. On the flipside, my previous city, Charlotte NC, fueled my self-esteem because it's a positively perceived, coastal boomtown. I felt better about myself because I lived in a place like that vs living in Oklahoma City, typically perceived as a boring cultural backwater that's about 30 years behind the rest of the country. I guess you can say this is kind of a unique take on "fear of missing out." The idea of having to spend my prime in a place like Oklahoma City vs spending it in a much more glamorous locale is something that contributes to episodes of depression for me. The idea that I can't accept that I live here is preventing me from living my life to its fullest. I am living each day with mindset that I hate it here and am moving once I can so I am not letting myself get too comfortable or shake up the status quo too much. This keeps me in the perpetual state of misery I have been in for the past five years.
Bottom line is while OKC isn't the ideal fit for me but it could be worse and I think I could be much happier until I can leave in a couple of years if I could stop feeling bad about myself because I live here, either because of it's stereotypes or because I didn't want to move back here. I am the person that I am and I will be that person whether or not I'm living in a place like Oklahoma City or something prestigious like Los Angeles or New York City. People are people and while OKC is conservative, it's large enough that not everyone fits the stereotype and I have met like-minded people. Yet I will go into these depressive episodes, always at least one per day, thanking about how much of a failure I am because I live here (and the circumstances that brought me back here) and how living in such a poorly-perceived place reflects poorly on me.
Why do I tie such a large part of my self-worth to where I live and how can I work through this?
I'm from Salt Lake City and, trust me, if ever the residents of a city were stereotyped, Salt Lakers are. I respond to this by making it my mission to prove the stereotypes (at least the negative ones ) wrong. You actually can have quite a bit of success in doing that, you know.
I've posted numerous threads on the fact that I strongly dislike Oklahoma City, would like to move, and why I can't. And while there are very valid reasons I would want to leave, those alone can't justify the kind of misery I am in because I live here. It comes down to the fact my sense of self-worth is tied to where I live and since Oklahoma City is perceived very poorly nationally due to it's stereotypes (many of which are exaggerated but have an element of truth), those reflect on me because I live here. On top of that, there is the entire sense of failure in life because I had to move here, which contributes to the sense of self-worth issue. On the flipside, my previous city, Charlotte NC, fueled my self-esteem because it's a positively perceived, coastal boomtown. I felt better about myself because I lived in a place like that vs living in Oklahoma City, typically perceived as a boring cultural backwater that's about 30 years behind the rest of the country. I guess you can say this is kind of a unique take on "fear of missing out." The idea of having to spend my prime in a place like Oklahoma City vs spending it in a much more glamorous locale is something that contributes to episodes of depression for me. The idea that I can't accept that I live here is preventing me from living my life to its fullest. I am living each day with mindset that I hate it here and am moving once I can so I am not letting myself get too comfortable or shake up the status quo too much. This keeps me in the perpetual state of misery I have been in for the past five years.
Bottom line is while OKC isn't the ideal fit for me but it could be worse and I think I could be much happier until I can leave in a couple of years if I could stop feeling bad about myself because I live here, either because of it's stereotypes or because I didn't want to move back here. I am the person that I am and I will be that person whether or not I'm living in a place like Oklahoma City or something prestigious like Los Angeles or New York City. People are people and while OKC is conservative, it's large enough that not everyone fits the stereotype and I have met like-minded people. Yet I will go into these depressive episodes, always at least one per day, thanking about how much of a failure I am because I live here (and the circumstances that brought me back here) and how living in such a poorly-perceived place reflects poorly on me.
Why do I tie such a large part of my self-worth to where I live and how can I work through this?
Oklahoma is likely to legalize medicinal cannabis this November! They won't seem 30 years behind. This will cause some to move there, more jobs and increased tax base. Previously, harmless people with possession of 2 ounces of this flowering vegetable could get 100 years. The change surprises me as I had assumed OK either did not allow voters to put it on the ballot and/or they were mostly brainwashed. But now I see 71% support this. Great news for a better OK.
Also, I'd like to say about size of city, biggest is not always best. Just look at the crime reports and the very high cost of apartments or houses. Most low crime cities have less than 50,000 people. Los Angeles also has the air pollution ("smog") and traffic tie-ups. NYC tiny old apartments may not be affordable. Do you for sure want 15 million "neighbors"? I live in a 50K suburb in metro area of 3.5 million. My suburb and all surrounding suburbs have a low crime rate, many stores, restaurants, parks, etc. They even allow drinking in the parks here and it doesn't cause frequent problems. Apts abt $1K, houses maybe $250K+.
Is there any chance you just want to find a city where enough agree with you on important issues? If that is the case, you might want to post what cities have many people like me? I'm curious as to why you had to move to OKC? Best wishes.
This may not help you because it sounds trite but it works for me. I don't like where I live in many ways, but I worked on true gratitude that I HAVE a place to live. Most of us take that for granted in the US, but even here there are so many that do not.
My late wife grew up in the shadow of Mt. Rainier before moving east, and those of her relatives who remained in the Pacific Northwest are embarrassed that the country considers that they must necessarily be moonbats, snowflakes, and marshmallows. They go overboard in trying to convince people, such as myself, from other areas that they are not of that ilk.
I guess it's subjective, but Oklahoma City seems more appealing than Charlotte or NYC. I live in "backwater NJ" (about an hour from NYC) and OKC is probably better. NYC is overrated; it's dirty and extremely expensive. Make the most of what you have in OKC. It's given you a job, shelter, and food. Take advantage of what the city has to offer, i.e. restaurants, museums, sports, concerts, parks etc. Focus on hobbies that you enjoy and try to meet up with like minded people. It's easier these days with the internet. Try not to care what other people think. Honestly, I don't think Oklahoma is on most people's radar and that's probably a good thing in some ways.
I've posted numerous threads on the fact that I strongly dislike Oklahoma City, would like to move, and why I can't. And while there are very valid reasons I would want to leave, those alone can't justify the kind of misery I am in because I live here. It comes down to the fact my sense of self-worth is tied to where I live and since Oklahoma City is perceived very poorly nationally due to it's stereotypes (many of which are exaggerated but have an element of truth), those reflect on me because I live here. On top of that, there is the entire sense of failure in life because I had to move here, which contributes to the sense of self-worth issue. On the flipside, my previous city, Charlotte NC, fueled my self-esteem because it's a positively perceived, coastal boomtown. I felt better about myself because I lived in a place like that vs living in Oklahoma City, typically perceived as a boring cultural backwater that's about 30 years behind the rest of the country. I guess you can say this is kind of a unique take on "fear of missing out." The idea of having to spend my prime in a place like Oklahoma City vs spending it in a much more glamorous locale is something that contributes to episodes of depression for me. The idea that I can't accept that I live here is preventing me from living my life to its fullest. I am living each day with mindset that I hate it here and am moving once I can so I am not letting myself get too comfortable or shake up the status quo too much. This keeps me in the perpetual state of misery I have been in for the past five years.
Bottom line is while OKC isn't the ideal fit for me but it could be worse and I think I could be much happier until I can leave in a couple of years if I could stop feeling bad about myself because I live here, either because of it's stereotypes or because I didn't want to move back here. I am the person that I am and I will be that person whether or not I'm living in a place like Oklahoma City or something prestigious like Los Angeles or New York City. People are people and while OKC is conservative, it's large enough that not everyone fits the stereotype and I have met like-minded people. Yet I will go into these depressive episodes, always at least one per day, thanking about how much of a failure I am because I live here (and the circumstances that brought me back here) and how living in such a poorly-perceived place reflects poorly on me.
Why do I tie such a large part of my self-worth to where I live and how can I work through this?
I wish I could delete my first reply now that I read your other thread. I have no way to relate to the stigma of a geographical place affecting my self-esteem.
But your other reasons are very valid! w/o the issues you have I HATE every city I have visited in Oklahoma. Durant, two neighboring towns, and OKC.
I saw people suggesting Dallas to you and I agree Dallas or many places in DFW would be better, but can you afford it? I don't know your job. If the salary or wage would increase to cover the big jump in renting/buying that took place here. My one bedroom condo doubled in value and rent for it almost doubled. The smaller ones that would not be a studio, but similar sq. feet, I think (656) go for $800 or $900. Apartments can't be much better. These are not super nice or in a super nice area.......
I have no idea what to tell you about in the meantime except feeling like a failure is simply useless. I don't think you are a failure. I think you have your head on straight to be practical and stay put for two years. I think smart choices make you a success! We can only deal with the now. And in the now you are making the best choice available.
I have to tell myself this all the time. I had a chance to pay off my mortgage and I didn't. Long story I won't share but when it eats at me, and all the repercussions I have now and will essentially forever, I just have to distract my own mind to ish happens! I make smart choices now.
I like a saying from AA that is applicable to everyone: Do the next right thing. If you are always (or at least most of the time) doing the next right thing, you are doing good!
See a therapist if internet advice isn't cutting it. If it's hard to afford, call 211. When I needed it, the United Way gave me 8 sessions from a quality therapist and the 8 was not a hard number. Essentially, they aren't going to cut someone off if they still need help.
On the flipside, my previous city, Charlotte NC, fueled my self-esteem because it's a positively perceived, coastal boomtown.
Not true. Charlotte is not "positively perceived" to the extent you think it is, and it's sure as hell not coastal. And I don't think OKC is negatively perceived. Most people don't have an informed opinion of these cities and, to their credit, don't offer up uninformed opinions, either.
I do think where you live greatly affects your psyche and daily experiences.
True, but for 95% of people, what people elsewhere think of where you live is totally unimportant.
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) wrong. You actually can have quite a bit of success in doing that, you know.
