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Charlotte, NC voted for 62% for HRC, Erie County NY was 51% for HRC. I wouldn't say that one is backwater or not (again, not sure what people consider backwater), but I would also add well educated people, some culture and people being open-minded is a positive for me.
Oh, I never said Buffalo wasn't a backwater, either. You did, however, compare city limits-Charlotte with Buffalo's entire county (although metro Buffalo does spill over into neighboring Niagara County, perhaps east as well--not sure how it's ultimately defined geographically--it doesn't help that the census has CSAs, MSAs, urbanized areas, etc these days). Ever go to a Waffle House in Rock Hill, SC like I did back in 2001? Bet there weren't too many Hillary voters in that town right across the NC/SC border from Charlotte. I'm not going to check the map right now though; need caffeine and to go running in semi-blizzard-like conditions first.
The only places in this country that aren't backwaters are NYC, Boston, DC, and the major West Coast cities. Sorry, Philadelphia/anywhere else. Voting Democrat (especially centrist Dem, but even otherwise) hardly equals 'progressive' or 'cultured'. In the city of Buffalo itself registered Dems outnumber registered Republicans by a 7 to 1 ratio, but no one ever comes to Buffalo and thinks, man, this place is enlightened.
Last edited by Matt Marcinkiewicz; 12-25-2017 at 03:17 AM..
You are making a choice to blame your location for your depression. I have in my status a logo that fits....No matter where you go, there you are.
If you truly believe that your location is the root cause of all your angst....Then move.
I have seen a few of your threads, some of which always come back to your feeling stuck there. The fact that you feel stuck at least in my opinion is because you are not making choices to get "unstuck"
One thread if I remember correctly was because of a car note....another complaint was because you are choosing to hide your sexuality, being from a conservative family. (if I have the wrong OP, please disregard)
I think that if I were as miserable as many of your threads depict, I would move heaven and earth to change that.
What things are you actively doing to be able to change your geographical location? Selling your car might be an option.
Another might be to be honest with your family so that you unburden that issue. I am pretty sure that in any location as large as OKLA. city there would be a population of like minded people from whom to draw support.
The truth is, unless you are clinically depressed it is up to you to make yourself happier. The reality is we make choices....and doing nothing is a choice. Choose to be happy, especially if location is the only obstacle.
Oh, I never said Buffalo wasn't a backwater, either. You did, however, compare city limits-Charlotte with Buffalo's entire county (although metro Buffalo does spill over into neighboring Niagara County, perhaps east as well--not sure how it's ultimately defined geographically--it doesn't help that the census has CSAs, MSAs, urbanized areas, etc these days). Ever go to a Waffle House in Rock Hill, SC like I did back in 2001? Bet there weren't too many Hillary voters in that town right across the NC/SC border from Charlotte. I'm not going to check the map right now though; need caffeine and to go running in semi-blizzard-like conditions first.
The only places in this country that aren't backwaters are NYC, Boston, DC, and the major West Coast cities. Sorry, Philadelphia/anywhere else. Voting Democrat (especially centrist Dem, but even otherwise) hardly equals 'progressive' or 'cultured'. In the city of Buffalo itself registered Dems outnumber registered Republicans by a 7 to 1 ratio, but no one ever comes to Buffalo and thinks, man, this place is enlightened.
The voting results is actually for Mecklenburg County not just Charlotte. Going back to my first reply, I think each place is what one makes of it. I think there are incredible people in every place of the country.
I live in an area that a lot of people think is full of low-lifes. It's not; my neighbors include teachers, a doctor, a cop, and nice retired folk. The area is quiet and rural, with little traffic and spectacular views.
Should I be unhappy that others think this isn't a nice place?
I've posted numerous threads on the fact that I strongly dislike Oklahoma City, would like to move, and why I can't. And while there are very valid reasons I would want to leave, those alone can't justify the kind of misery I am in because I live here. It comes down to the fact my sense of self-worth is tied to where I live and since Oklahoma City is perceived very poorly nationally due to it's stereotypes (many of which are exaggerated but have an element of truth), those reflect on me because I live here. On top of that, there is the entire sense of failure in life because I had to move here, which contributes to the sense of self-worth issue. On the flipside, my previous city, Charlotte NC, fueled my self-esteem because it's a positively perceived, coastal boomtown. I felt better about myself because I lived in a place like that vs living in Oklahoma City, typically perceived as a boring cultural backwater that's about 30 years behind the rest of the country. I guess you can say this is kind of a unique take on "fear of missing out." The idea of having to spend my prime in a place like Oklahoma City vs spending it in a much more glamorous locale is something that contributes to episodes of depression for me. The idea that I can't accept that I live here is preventing me from living my life to its fullest. I am living each day with mindset that I hate it here and am moving once I can so I am not letting myself get too comfortable or shake up the status quo too much. This keeps me in the perpetual state of misery I have been in for the past five years.
Bottom line is while OKC isn't the ideal fit for me but it could be worse and I think I could be much happier until I can leave in a couple of years if I could stop feeling bad about myself because I live here, either because of it's stereotypes or because I didn't want to move back here. I am the person that I am and I will be that person whether or not I'm living in a place like Oklahoma City or something prestigious like Los Angeles or New York City. People are people and while OKC is conservative, it's large enough that not everyone fits the stereotype and I have met like-minded people. Yet I will go into these depressive episodes, always at least one per day, thanking about how much of a failure I am because I live here (and the circumstances that brought me back here) and how living in such a poorly-perceived place reflects poorly on me.
Why do I tie such a large part of my self-worth to where I live and how can I work through this?
Karl Marx explained what you are experiencing is "Commodity Fetishism". Thorstein Veblen furthered developed the application of this theory to "Social Prestige". Status and social prestige in which people establishes a personal identity (social, economic, cultural) that is defined and expressed by the commodities( goods and services) he or she buys, owns, and uses; the domination of things that communicate the "correct signals" of social prestige, of belonging. The buying, owning and displaying of luxury items such as diamond rings, Mercede Benz cars, designer made clothes, etc and the likes represents what is called Conspicuous Consumption. This also applies to living in certain cities , sports franchises, which college a person went to etc.
Living in Oklahoma City gives you low feelings of self esteem and status anxiety of not being of or belonging to the "right social class" because commodity fetishism transformed the subjective abstract aspects of living in such a city into something that has become real and objective into people's minds. People assign more intrinsic value to cites such as Seattle, Denver, NYC, Boston, LA, , etc when in reality the value has more to do with the prestige and status living in it communicates and signals. That is why many people after living 20 years in a high status high cost of living city they realized they could have saved much more money where they could have some financial security and still could have enjoyed life just the same in a lower status lower cost of living city.
Oklahoma's City's baseball team is in the Pacific Coast League. Set your clocks on PST. And, Oklahoma City.s NBA team is better than Charlotte's.
Apply a little ironic humor to your situation. Go to a standup comedy club, and tell people about the forum posters who told you to rush to an emergency room to get medical intervention, by helicopter life flight if necessary.
Karl Marx explained what you are experiencing is "Commodity Fetishism". Thorstein Veblen furthered developed the application of this theory to "Social Prestige". Status and social prestige in which people establishes a personal identity (social, economic, cultural) that is defined and expressed by the commodities( goods and services) he or she buys, owns, and uses; the domination of things that communicate the "correct signals" of social prestige, of belonging. The buying, owning and displaying of luxury items such as diamond rings, Mercede Benz cars, designer made clothes, etc and the likes represents what is called Conspicuous Consumption. This also applies to living in certain cities , sports franchises, which college a person went to etc.
Living in Oklahoma City gives you low feelings of self esteem and status anxiety of not being of or belonging to the "right social class" because commodity fetishism transformed the subjective abstract aspects of living in such a city into something that has become real and objective into people's minds. People assign more intrinsic value to cites such as Seattle, Denver, NYC, Boston, LA, , etc when in reality the value has more to do with the prestige and status living in it communicates and signals. That is why many people after living 20 years in a high status high cost of living city they realized they could have saved much more money where they could have some financial security and still could have enjoyed life just the same in a lower status lower cost of living city.
Great points here. This is definitely a factor. There are different tiers of cities and while Charlotte is well below admired places like Denver, Portland, Seattle, etc (hence seems like a backwater to people from those places), it's like Paris compared to Oklahoma City. OKC is down below even the Rust Belt, only more prestigious than the rural South.
I think the largest issue is the fact that I've been on the receiving end of the worst stereotypes that OKC is known for. The conservatism, religious fundamentalism, homophobia, having went through conversion therapy, etc are all things that directly effect me. I have an extremely homophobic, fundamentalist family who refuses to accept my orientation that has been the center of most of my problems. I also have a lot of internalized homophobia I have to work through before I can even live authentically. While somebody in a different personal situation might be able to make OKC work, for me there is so much painful baggage associated with this place it would be so nice to just be away from it all. The fact I voluntarily moved back here and placed myself into this situation eats at me. I cannot easily move for a few more years and it's painful to imagine having to spend more years like the past five.
I agree though with everyone who has recommended therapy. Right now that is essential, even more so than moving. I've reached a point where I am going to go for it, even if it leads me to having to go no contact with my family.
Great points here. This is definitely a factor. There are different tiers of cities and while Charlotte is well below admired places like Denver, Portland, Seattle, etc (hence seems like a backwater to people from those places), it's like Paris compared to Oklahoma City. OKC is down below even the Rust Belt, only more prestigious than the rural South.
I think the largest issue is the fact that I've been on the receiving end of the worst stereotypes that OKC is known for. The conservatism, religious fundamentalism, homophobia, having went through conversion therapy, etc are all things that directly effect me. I have an extremely homophobic, fundamentalist family who refuses to accept my orientation that has been the center of most of my problems. I also have a lot of internalized homophobia I have to work through before I can even live authentically. While somebody in a different personal situation might be able to make OKC work, for me there is so much painful baggage associated with this place it would be so nice to just be away from it all. The fact I voluntarily moved back here and placed myself into this situation eats at me. I cannot easily move for a few more years and it's painful to imagine having to spend more years like the past five.
I agree though with everyone who has recommended therapy. Right now that is essential, even more so than moving. I've reached a point where I am going to go for it, even if it leads me to having to go no contact with my family.
Yes and yes. In this day and age it's hard to imagine conversion therapy - I am terribly sorry your family is this way, but it might come down to no contact to heal yourself. You cannot change who you are, and there is nothing wrong with who you are! This breaks my heart. I hope you do get the therapy, and Merry Christmas!
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