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Old 12-27-2017, 07:47 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,607,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swgirl926 View Post
Yes I do, and it will rear its ugly head at the strangest times.

After I quit drinking, maybe a couple of months after, I got these feelings of rage, blinding rage, out of nowhere. I have a tendency to stuff things WAY down and pretend that they don't bother me until some random thing sets me off. When I stopped drinking I filled that time with different activities, some of which I wanted to do as a kid but never got to. Finally got to take my first dance class ever. My mother always put her good times ahead of my wants and needs, and I guess taking these classes and trying new things was a way to rewrite the script and in a sense re-parent myself. I am not going to lie, as excited as I was to do these things, I did have a sense of feeling ripped off as a child and I was bubbling over with resentment. My mother complained about every single bite of food or article of clothing that I got, far enough so that she actually told me that I was taking food out of her mouth. Never mind me getting anything I wanted. Plus, she was/is very domineering and just an all-around negative person. I had to stay away from her and a neighbor of mine whose mannerisms remind me of hers because I did not want to end up going off on someone. Forgiveness? My mom can beg God for it. I don't owe her a damned thing.
I empathize with you, but resentment is dangerous for recovering alcoholics/addicts, as I am sure you know. AA has a method of dealing with it (the steps).

Hope you stay sober
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Old 12-27-2017, 08:26 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
9,512 posts, read 6,043,377 times
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I have in the past & I do now.

In the past it was drected at an individual & I can’t believe how angry I was & how hard I worked to pacify my feelings of helplessness & rage ... by reminding myself about Karma.

I guess maybe that was a “practice run” for what was to come. Because now there is no one individual but several & it involves a random collision of my timeline with theirs.

The result of this “collision” is permanently life-mitigating & sometimes I get so angry I have to pacify myself with envisioning “them” spending eternity being tortured by the wrath of 1000 demons ...

Probably not very healthy.

So I have to remember the lessons I learned the first time. I have to remember that the truth cannot be suppressed forever. I have to remember that success is the best revenge. I have to remember what I saw happen the last time:

That Karma is much more just than I could ever be. In fact; I found myself wishing that it wasn’t quite so just ... One of those “Be careful what you wish for” scenarios where I started hoping that this person that had hurt me could just catch a break. Funny how that worked.

I have to remember to be patient. That justice that I seek may not be dealt in my lifetime. I may not have the satisfaction of seeing that happen & that has to be okay. Karma does not work for me.

It works on its own time, calendar and clock. And that’s really the best I can do, for now. Because I struggle with what happened every day of my life. I can’t enjoy or employ denial. I couldn’t even drink it into oblivion. I’m not the only one it happened to; there are others & they fared worse. Maybe it sounds lame ... Karma ... but becoming a bitter & miserable person would be ... lamer.
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Old 12-27-2017, 09:24 PM
 
1,687 posts, read 1,275,605 times
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I got to mind my anger. Some people **** me off but, if I deal with them in a way that lands me in prison it's worse. Instead of dealing witj 1 or 2 a-holes maybe once every 2 months, I would have to deal with real mean and strong a-holes pretty much every minute of everg day. Sctew that...
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Old 12-27-2017, 11:48 PM
 
Location: Houston
1,257 posts, read 2,644,046 times
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It's hard to get over when family is involved. I did the best thing ever.... put time and distance between us. I used to laugh and say if I ever saw a shrink, I'd never get off the couch. Now I am older, I have put a lot of my issues behind me. Time did a lot of the work for me. Being somewhat successful in my career helps. My job has been my focus for many years.

If you are struggling with abusive or drug addicted/alcoholic family members you are not alone. Sometimes you have to say enough and walk away.

Think of it as a safety precaution. First rule of rescue: Don't be part of the problem. If you are getting hurt, step away.

Resentment is tough. I used to sit and literally count my blessings. I am really OK... really! Put that stuff in the rear view. Focus on the positive aspects of your life.

Do I still get bummed about the past? Sure I do. Do I let it dominate my life? Heck no!

Word to the wise. Don't wear it all on your sleeve. Don't expect people to pity you. Keep moving forward.


Last thing, People take comfort in conformity. If you stray too far from social norms, people will treat you poorly. So don't freak out the "Normies".
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Old 12-28-2017, 12:36 AM
 
Location: On an Island
322 posts, read 284,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153 View Post
I went to university with this Asian student who became a close friend; he said in China they used to have a saying, "never teach a woman to read." It's really about that. When you have a lot of anomalous characteristics, people are put off. My reaction is to think they're slow-witted. Which goes over big, as you can imagine.
Did he elaborate what he meant by that?

I definitely do which is why I’m currently in therapy; not for anger but for other things but hopefully I’ll learn how to cope and how to let go.
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Old 12-28-2017, 07:20 PM
 
Location: minnesota
15,800 posts, read 6,242,599 times
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I read a great article when I was trying to deinteralize (probably not a real word) some things. The whole thing was good but this stuck out to me:

Nobody In The Boat
The Taoists have a famous teaching about an empty boat that rams into your boat in the middle of a river. While you probably wouldn’t be angry at an empty boat, you might well become enraged if someone were at its helm.

The point of the story is that the parents who didn’t see you, the other kids who teased you as a child, the driver who aggressively tailgated you yesterday – are all in fact empty, rudderless boats. They were compulsively driven to act as they did by their own unexamined wounds, therefore they did not know what they were doing and had little control over it.


https://thoughtcatalog.com/claudia-a...ortant-truths/
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:32 PM
 
Location: equator
11,022 posts, read 6,564,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
Lots of techniques. For my latest issue that I posted here, I realized I didn't need to talk about it or get feedback or advice. As thoughts surfaced , I took out my journal and wrote several letters that I will not send.

Made me feel like I had said them to the person, and helped form my thoughts better. If you notice, when you talk to one person or many about something, at some point the re-telling loses it's emotional oomph. So I did that with all the letters that will go in the shredder.

There are other techniques. This one helps me.

I've heard this technique before. It's a good one. The version down here is to construct an effigy of the person, then burn it in the public square. I think if I could create one of my former boss and his GF/manager, and my former brown-nosing best friend, it could go a long way in relieving my bitterness. Even though my life is way better than theirs now, I admit to having a hard time "letting go". I live in the past WAY too much:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUe074PSVn4
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:49 PM
 
2,020 posts, read 1,111,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Wow. That is awesome. Please share your secrets to letting go!
Here is a secret that worked for me - surround yourself with truly good people who place value in others. They will help you to see how you are to be treated and how to treat others. You will gradually let go of the resentment and realize that you are the captain of your ship. Enlighten yourself.

Develop yourself. Go beyond what you have seen and heard regarding your relationships with these people. Realize that it is usually a damaged person who damages others. Develop yourself to become the type of person who builds others and helps in a way that is valuable to you. We develop a sense of self when we are strong, flexible, kind, non-judgmental, and true to oneself. Content people have no desire to remain angry or hurt.

Define yourself. Who are you and who do you want to accomplish with your life? Do not allow the behaviors of others to dictate who you are or what your interests/joys/desires are.

Life is a journey of self awareness. Some people never grow. These people remain locked in patterns of childishness, abuse, destructive criticism, etc. Until they decide to grow, there is nothing you can do to change your relationship with them other than to treat them in the manner you would like to be treated.

The past is over. The present is now. The future is up to you. Good luck.
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Old 12-30-2017, 04:06 PM
 
3,739 posts, read 4,624,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Well it wasn't easy to cut off my relative, I loved her dearly but wanting a relationship at the cost of being her emotional doormat and scapegoat was no longer acceptable. You teach people how to treat you by what you accept or don't accept. A truly healthy relationship is one in which you can share feelings and work through it, so I doubt you damaged your relationship with your friend, the burden is on her.

I no longer want relationships with people who treat me badly,no matter how much I like them, or how cool they are, or how much I love them. I put up with it too many years and in the end i realized love is not enough, it does not conquer all and if they had any respect,love or compassion they wouldn't treat me badly in the first place. Who needs to put up with that in life?
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Old 12-31-2017, 06:26 AM
 
1,644 posts, read 1,655,750 times
Reputation: 6237
No, if someone hurts my feelings, pisses me off, says something that offends me I either address it when it happens or I realize that perhaps I’m being overly sensitive and let it go. Very seldom have I ever let something fester long enough to build resentment over it. Life is way to short to live like that.
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