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Tell her, loudly and firmly (no yelling, just loud enough for everyone to hear), that she's acting like a child and she needs to grow the F up (because she does). If you're not comfortable with dropping the F bomb, feel free to substitute. Or simply hand her a binky, and tell her if she's going to act like a child, you'll treat her like one.
What sort of company is this where that level of verbal abuse is tolerated? THAT seems to be the biggest mystery. If that occurred in my workplace the person would be sent to EAP or fired. Immediately.
Is there no workplace policy on this? That is so strange to me.
I've never been bullied, or if I have, I never noticed. I've always found it easy to avoid or ignore mean people.
She does it in small ways in front of others - i.e. snide comments - but the shouting and name-calling has been overheard by only a couple of people. They apparently assumed I did something to cause it that they didn't hear (I didn't). My reaction has been to stay very professional and calm, never to raise my voice or act angry or respond with any personal attack, but otherwise she doesn't really let me get a word in, and then walks away, so there isn't much opportunity to react at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca
I tried - disaster. I sat down quietly and asked her if we could work something out, and she went ballistic. She is completely unreasonable and will not actually let me speak or will say she isn't interested in anything I have to say and then turn her back on me, so there is no possibility of talking anything out.
I would absolutely not tolerate this. The minute someone starts shouting at me or calling me names, I will be the one to turn my back and walk away, and this applies equally in a volunteer or a paid position. I just say "this conversation is over," and depart. High school ended long ago, and no one can force me to put up with a bully. No one.
Stop trying to be so nice to her. It's obviously not going to work. Treat her with the same cool courtesy you would show a stranger. If you absolutely must remain on this project, avoid being alone with her. at. all. If you are, and she becomes abusive, tell her her behavior is unacceptable, and leave the room. If she is snarky to you in front of others, say something along the lines, of, "excuse me, what did you say?" If she is forced to repeat her nasty comments, others may start to see her for what she is. It's possible that they already do, but are so cowed that they won't stand up to her. You say that she is universally liked. That may be true, but I suspect it's just as likely that she is universally feared.
If she is in a position of actual authority in this organization, my best advice would be to leave, and find a similar volunteer opportunity elsewhere - preferably with a competing group. There is no reason for you to be abused this way.
Sometimes those mean girls never grow out of it. Maybe next time she insults you in front of others ask her if she has ever seen the movie "Mean Girls", if not I'll buy it for you. You may get a few giggle from her cohorts on that comment. But they may be afraid of her too and don't want to **** off the princess. They are a bunch of sheep.
Yep, that is the best way to deal with adult bullies.
If you truly know that you have done nothing to provoke this behavior from her, then calmly ask her why she is saying that to you.
If she gets upset and begins yelling, you STAY calm.
Ask her why in the world she is reacting this way. Be sure to show that you are mystified about her actions.
If you do this in a calm and (what seems to be truly curious) manner, you just turned the tables. You gave yourself control and exposed her actions to the scrutiny of others. Chances are she'll be squirming.
Tell her, loudly and firmly (no yelling, just loud enough for everyone to hear), that she's acting like a child and she needs to grow the F up (because she does). If you're not comfortable with dropping the F bomb, feel free to substitute. Or simply hand her a binky, and tell her if she's going to act like a child, you'll treat her like one.
I think I'd first act like an adult to put her off stride, THEN hand her the binky (find a silly pink glittery one with a bow ahead of time) when she acts out in response to you.
I think I'd first act like an adult to put her off stride, THEN hand her the binky (find a silly pink glittery one with a bow ahead of time) when she acts out in response to you.
What sort of company is this where that level of verbal abuse is tolerated? THAT seems to be the biggest mystery. If that occurred in my workplace the person would be sent to EAP or fired. Immediately.
Is there no workplace policy on this? That is so strange to me.
I've never been bullied, or if I have, I never noticed. I've always found it easy to avoid or ignore mean people.
What on earth are you even talking about? Are you on the wrong thread? This isn't a work place. It's volunteer.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 2 days ago)
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Reputation: 50625
I'm really struggling to picture this.
In my experience, women who shout at other women and say snide things aren't popular and "sparkly" and no one actually likes them and usually they tiptoe around them and avoid them. Does it seem to you that the other women actually like her? Rather than fear her?
I can't imagine a situation in a volunteer agency where there's this woman who's YELLING at you and others genuinely like her and feel comfortable around her.
It sounds like you've been there for years. Do you not have any allies in this group? If that's the case, I would find another agency. Don't know what the project is that you're trying to complete, but let someone else do it.
That place is from Mars.
Last edited by ClaraC; 01-13-2018 at 05:34 PM..
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There is no reason for you to be abused this way.
