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No one is in any danger from the guns, they do tend to run from the verbal tongue lashings though.
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I think it is a little bit of both. I think you are likely just a soft person who has not developed great boundaries. Right now, you are stuck in victim mode. (Not judging, I am for there myself at times!)
Boundaries will help. When they get stronger, it is easier to weed people out. I would also look into learning warning signs about people - are they quick to know you? Want to immediately be your friend? Do you do things for them early on? Give too much in the beginning? That kind of thing. Also identify from the first time you meet someone to their first angry lashing out. Within a week? A month? A year? When you start identify these kinds of patterns you can say "no thanks". So if you meet a new friend and you start seeing the pattern, you say no and it changes the whole dynamic.
I would personally speak to a counselor. Best of luck to you. I feel for ya. I really do. One of my hardest lessons in life has been learning just because I am nice to people, they will not be nice to me. I have to teach my son this as well.
Completely agree with this post. The thing that sticks out to me is that the OPs parents divorced 50 years ago and it's still being brought up. That should have been dealt with decades ago.
Wait....is was 50 years ago????? Wow. I missed that.
As someone who has dealt with bullies in workplaces, trust me, you are far from alone. I also dealt with bullies in high school.
I truly believe that mean kids just grow up to become mean adults. They don't really change. A lot of people in society are just ***holes.
Not too long ago, I assumed that when people got older, they tend to be nicer and shed their bullying ways from when they were kids. However, when I have gotten older, that's not the case. I see a lot of message board bullies on here who think they know it all. You're right, they grow up to become mean adults.
You weren't born a target....You developed into a victim because of your homelife and then you were further endoctrinated in those abusive relationships. Those situations have made you into you...Choose to stop being a victim.
I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt. Time to change. It took a co-dependency support group, immediately after
individual counseling to set my life on track and to help me quit volunteering to be a victim.
And, to be honest....I went from fleeing my abusive husband with 5 children in tow to the co-dependency counselors asking to be able to give my number to other's because I had done a complete turn around in short order. I think I was just ready....But thank goodness for the help along the way of good counselors and support.
Do some research about co-dependency. There are tons of online websites, including support groups. Also, call your local domestic violence agency and ask about local in person support groups regarding co-dependency, and adult child support which related to your upbringing.
You'll be amazed and how much better your life can be and how much stronger you will be emotionally. And, you won't look back...in fact after you gain some emotional strength you'll wonder what in the world took you so long to leave.
Don't be afraid to look for the right counselors, and/or the right support groups. You want a group that helps you feel empowered and that you feel you can grow emotionally.
The work is a bit hard, you'll find things about yourself that you really are aware of, but that knowing your own issues and changing them will enable you to grow. I wish you much success.
Here are just a few links. Be proactive and find the right ones for yourself.
The OP is 64 years old and this divorce happened 50 years ago?
And now is trying to be in a band?
I. can't. even.
Lol. Exactly what went thru my head too!
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