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TabulaRosa summed it up perfectly. Too many people get offended over simple logical comments where no offense is intended. Probably because we don't spend a lot of time re-writing and perfecting our comments (see what I did there). Honest feedback gets interpreted as hostility and attacks. Makes it very hard to hold a good discussion when everything get's interpreted through the lens of "they disagree therefore they are attacking."
Agree. I see it all the time here...Or the "they didn't say it nice enough" hence they're a bully.
when are people going to stop insisting that people's posting style is due to being anonymous? I'm the same straight forward person in real life as i am online. Haven't people learned any emotional maturity? You can't go around allowing every little thing to hurt your feelings.
Just like being "nice" doesn't equal getting a GF, being "nice" doesn't make you immune for people disagreeing with you.
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Some people's posts are so idiotic/inane/trollish that they seem to be begging for negative reactions. When I see threads that ask a really stupid question, or seem to be written to cause controversy, I usually don't respond to them. And it's not necessarily from being "so nice," but just not feeling a need to post a negative response most of the time. More than a few people on C-D, though, seem to relish those type of posts in order to pounce on the OP with vitriolic remarks.
Not to say that I've never been snarky, but I do pass over the vast majority of posts that tempt me to respond in a snide manner. On a related note, I've been here long enough to come to certain conclusions about consistently negative/accusatory/pigheaded posters. I try to have nothing to do with people in those categories, and most of them probably aren't even aware of me. I'm aware of them, though, and not in a good way...Thankfully, imo the majority of people here are reasonable, and even (if I dare say) nice!
Oh lordy dear one, you can't be thinned skinned on an open public forum.
Actually, I think being a thin skinned person on a forum is probably for the best. You start out being polite to people because you're so afraid of being skewered if you say something wrong. But when you get confidence, you still tend to treat people the way you want to be treated, instead of just "open mouth, let words come out". So many people don't have a filter between their mouths and their fingers.
But I will say one of the best things I ever learned about being on a forum was, if I just push a button, I can make everyone disappear. Sometimes I have to use that button, to keep myself from being just as obnoxious as the person I'm arg - er, debating with.
There are a lot of angry and hostile posters here for sure. But on the other hand, there are a lot of really nice people who have left very uplifting and thought provoking comments to my threads or responses. Some of them I even disagree with from time to time.
Bottom line is that I try to focus my attention and energy on them.
Just like being "nice" doesn't equal getting a GF, being "nice" doesn't make you immune for people disagreeing with you.
I think the anger you are referring to is not just that they feel "nice" should equal "girlfriend" but the opposite, that jerky, A-Hole, arrogant behavior should equal loneliness. many women will say "nice is just the basics there has to be more" or "you can't be just nice" but these guys see other men who are successful at dating who AREN'T NICE so it would seem nice is not even REALLY viewed as a basic.
they grew up watching the "bad boys" and "dumb jocks" get the girls in highschool the "A-hole Bro-Dudes" get the girls in college and the "Playaz" and "emotionally unavailable workaholics" get the women in adult life. and it does seem backwards.
And disagreement is fine, being insulting or hostile in your disagreement is kinda tacky.
Some people's posts are so idiotic/inane/trollish that they seem to be begging for negative reactions. When I see threads that ask a really stupid question, or seem to be written to cause controversy, I usually don't respond to them. And it's not necessarily from being "so nice," but just not feeling a need to post a negative response most of the time. More than a few people on C-D, though, seem to relish those type of posts in order to pounce on the OP with vitriolic remarks.
Not to say that I've never been snarky, but I do pass over the vast majority of posts that tempt me to respond in a snide manner. On a related note, I've been here long enough to come to certain conclusions about consistently negative/accusatory/pigheaded posters. I try to have nothing to do with people in those categories, and most of them probably aren't even aware of me. I'm aware of them, though, and not in a good way...Thankfully, imo the majority of people here are reasonable, and even (if I dare say) nice!
Unless I am seriously deluding myself, I strive to be pleasant and polite to everyone*. However, here on C-D, it seems that SOME people will often look for hostility even when there is no hostility present, and they will become very hostile (and insulting). I have noticed this not only toward my own posts, but to many other posters, as well -- posters I can rely on being reasonable, nice and pleasant at least 99% of the time will often have very unkind things, imo, said to them in reply. The weird thing is that I don't think that most of the hostile people are trolls, necessarily, but they just seem to enjoy making others feel bad about themselves.
Do you agree or not? And if you do agree, why do you think those people do that?
(And, yes, it is easy to say "just ignore them", but I am the type that takes things to heart, and an unkind comment can spoil the rest of my day -- or at least an hour or so of it.)
*The exception is on Current Events and P&OC forums sometimes, in which I am very opinionated and often blunt, although I try very hard to never be actually insulting to other posters.
I tried to give you some reputation points for the point of the year but apparently I've already done so, on some other forum.
You've asked the Question of the Year. In general, even indisputably malevolent posters on City Data pale besides the rabid kind you can, if you're unlucky enough, encounter on "younger" social network sites.
But this is the Question of the Year. Thank you for posting it.
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