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A lot of times I've seen this when someone makes a post for an opinion on a problem they're having. It's not that people belittle the problem so much, it's when the poster says something like, "I've decided..." and then all hell breaks loose.
Sometimes people just want to hear how other people view things. But some posters just can't handle it when the opinion or the advice they give isn't the advice the original poster takes. These posters forget the original poster isn't obligated to agree with them or take their advice. So when some posters are asked for an opinion, they give what they think is world class advice anyone would be happy to pay for and I guess they get their egos bruised or something when the OP chooses to do something else.
The other thing I see a lot of is distraction. A poster starts a thread and before you know it, other people pop in with accusations hurled at the OP that have nothing to do with the original post and it goes downhill from there. I haven't figured that one out myself yet.
See, and I guess I've noticed the opposite at least as much...I've observed when someone posts, ostensibly, to gather "opinions," and then, if the opinions given don't match the feedback they anticipated, get very touchy about it. I think many come in with an agenda already in mind when "seeking advice," are actually looking for confirmation only, and are up for a fight if they get any feedback that contradicts what they already have in their heads.
I've spent time on various forums over the years. In the time I've been on C-D, my impression is that it is a lower-empathy forum, in general. Its more a place for people to share opinions, and to enjoy disagreeing with and confronting others, and asserting ones views as correct, than to share understanding, compassion, and empathy with others.
I don't think this is exclusive to C-D though. I think that in very large, open forums, this is how things tend to be.
It is kind of the dynamic of large groups in general, virtual or not.
I'm seeing that more and more these days and it comes from the top. In info tech, our job was to question and come up with an alternate solution. That was never an attack. It was analyzing and reasoning.
It isn't just info tech, either.
Plenty of people come from a background where critical thinking is emphasized, and tend to automatically go to a place of looking at a problem from a perspective that they notice is possibly being overlooked by others in the discussion.
I see that a lot too, but I also see a lot of "new" or 1st time posters who come on with problems that stretch the bounds of credulity right from the get go. Frankly, I think is the work of a bunch of sockpuppets and members with multiple accounts, but whatever.
I agree and when I see a long, meandering post with some off the wall problem from a newbie I don't even bother reading it anymore. Half the time they are a one hit wonder and we never hear from them again.
Plenty of people come from a background where critical thinking is emphasized, and tend to automatically go to a place of looking at a problem from a perspective that they notice is possibly being overlooked by others in the discussion.
Yes, and there are also plenty of people who can't stand to see conventional wisdom questioned.
I can think of a number of recent frequent fliers who seem to interpret any post that questions them or challenges their opinion as a hostile attack. I've read a number of discussions recently where someone reacts to a response by calling it "ugly" or "hateful," or "hostile," and I've had to look back and see if I skipped some vicious post somewhere, because I have no idea what they are talking about.
To some, disagreeing is being mean, rude, unkind, hostile, etc. To others, it is just disagreeing.
There are definitely poster here who like to rile people up and push buttons and be dicks. But there are also a lot of people who are just neutral straight shooters, and it seems like I've been reading a lot lately from posters who are sensitive to that and read anything that offers a differing perspective as hostility.
Also, it is good advice for anybody that if the opinions of random strangers on anonymous online forums have the power to truly make you feel bad about yourself, it might be that forum interactions are maybe not the healthiest place for you to be.
I get annoyed by various posters, and sometimes mentally (or actually) roll my eyes at some people's contributions, sure. But I don't feel bad about myself over what some nameless, faceless online commenter says. I can't identify with that. I get that is nicer when people are kind, yes, and strive to fill my social circle with people who are kind. But I have no expectation that random assortments people are necessarily all going to be kind, polite, socially appropriate, etc. I basically go in with the expectation that a certain percentage of any given group of randomly assorted people is likely going to act in a way I consider unappealing. It's just the way it is.
Yes, I absolutely agree with the above. However, I am talking about actual "attacks" such as, for example, posters asking for advice on how to deal with selfish and demanding relatives, and being told that THEY are the selfish ones because they don't like being expected to always be available to listen to a one-hour rant about the latest drama with the relatives's neighbor, for example -- or someone being told that they are too fat and should "just" lose some weight or just stay home when a "heavy" person asks for advice about what to wear for an upcoming ocean cruise -- so I am not talking about simple disagreements, or about advice or opinions that others just don't agree with. For example, I personally think Trump is a narcissistic boor, but I am not going to take personal offense just because someone disagrees with that and says that I don't know what I'm talking about! (And that also applies to any opinion anyone expresses about politics, social issues, or religion.)
In short and to repeat, I guess I just don't understand why some people feel the need or desire to be mean. (And, yes, I do admit that I personally do have some self-esteem issues, but even so, that does not take away from the question which is the title of this thread.)
I can think of a number of recent frequent fliers who seem to interpret any post that questions them or challenges their opinion as a hostile attack. I've read a number of discussions recently where someone reacts to a response by calling it "ugly" or "hateful," or "hostile," and I've had to look back and see if I skipped some vicious post somewhere, because I have no idea what they are talking about.
To some, disagreeing is being mean, rude, unkind, hostile, etc. To others, it is just disagreeing.
There are definitely poster here who like to rile people up and push buttons and be dicks. But there are also a lot of people who are just neutral straight shooters, and it seems like I've been reading a lot lately from posters who are sensitive to that and read anything that offers a differing perspective as hostility.
Also, it is good advice for anybody that if the opinions of random strangers on anonymous online forums have the power to truly make you feel bad about yourself, it might be that forum interactions are maybe not the healthiest place for you to be.
I get annoyed by various posters, and sometimes mentally (or actually) roll my eyes at some people's contributions, sure. But I don't feel bad about myself over what some nameless, faceless online commenter says. I can't identify with that. I get that is nicer when people are kind, yes, and strive to fill my social circle with people who are kind. But I have no expectation that random assortments people are necessarily all going to be kind, polite, socially appropriate, etc. I basically go in with the expectation that a certain percentage of any given group of randomly assorted people is likely going to act in a way I consider unappealing. It's just the way it is.
Unless I am seriously deluding myself, I strive to be pleasant and polite to everyone*. However, here on C-D, it seems that SOME people will often look for hostility even when there is no hostility present, and they will become very hostile (and insulting). I have noticed this not only toward my own posts, but to many other posters, as well -- posters I can rely on being reasonable, nice and pleasant at least 99% of the time will often have very unkind things, imo, said to them in reply. The weird thing is that I don't think that most of the hostile people are trolls, necessarily, but they just seem to enjoy making others feel bad about themselves.
Do you agree or not? And if you do agree, why do you think those people do that?
(And, yes, it is easy to say "just ignore them", but I am the type that takes things to heart, and an unkind comment can spoil the rest of my day -- or at least an hour or so of it.)
*The exception is on Current Events and P&OC forums sometimes, in which I am very opinionated and often blunt, although I try very hard to never be actually insulting to other posters.
Yeah, nothing says "striving to be .." ...like the name "whocares"..
LOL with the backpedal about your "very opinionated" subforum statements, though. (and I haven't read your posting history)
Was that "too hostile"? Ya never know anymore.
Maybe it never occurs to people that other people type like they talk and don't have a ton of time to keep re-wording so others aren't excessively butt-hurt?
It's a fad now in 2018. Everyone gets indignant, offended , need safe spaces from words. I guess this goes in the Psychology Forum to determine what anybody cares how others word their anonymous comments?
Blow it off. You don't know internet people, WHO CARES?
See, and I guess I've noticed the opposite at least as much...I've observed when someone posts, ostensibly, to gather "opinions," and then, if the opinions given don't match the feedback they anticipated, get very touchy about it. I think many come in with an agenda already in mind when "seeking advice," are actually looking for confirmation only, and are up for a fight if they get any feedback that contradicts what they already have in their heads.
I see this a lot as well. Many post to be proven "right" about whatever their issue is and get testy when others question or see things differently. Then they claim they're being attacked and abandon the thread.
The other issue is those who post constantly pushing a certain agenda. Regardless of the topic, they will bring their pet issue into the conversation and then get incensed when others say it's off topic. These types of posters also claim "I'm being attacked!" when it's typically that others are tired of them hijacking threads in an attempt to bolster their personal agendas and dare to point it out.
I see this a lot as well. Many post to be proven "right" about whatever their issue is and get testy when others question or see things differently. Then they claim they're being attacked and abandon the thread.
The other issue is those who post constantly pushing a certain agenda. Regardless of the topic, they will bring their pet issue into the conversation and then get incensed when others say it's off topic. These types of posters also claim "I'm being attacked!" when it's typically that others are tired of them hijacking threads in an attempt to bolster their personal agendas and dare to point it out.
Could not agree more.
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Ya never know anymore.