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Chances are he will barely remember you were even there because you were a mouse in the room - he won't remember the conversation enough to give you any satisfaction.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
We'll see. But if I really was just a mouse in the room to him, then I think I had a reason to feel angry.
It is possible that he does care how I felt, and that he just got caught up in himself. Anyway, I am curious to find out what he was thinking, or not thinking.
First of all, just because YOU felt like a mouse doesn't necessarily mean he was at fault and that you should be angry at HIM.
This is purely a diversion...it doesn't matter what he was feeling. You were there to play, but you didn't - and that was at least 90% due to YOU. Maybe you can say "I really wanted to play the other night but you guys were totally into it - I'd like to go first next/this time". Of course if there's a bunch of other people there, who knows.
But what do you care about his feelings? Is this a professional kind of event or not? He's not your friend!
Some posters don't catch on quickly. They just keep trying. You know, like the OP. The one that has sucked the soul out of the entire CD Psychology thread.
I feel I have a moral obligation to warn them. As you have no doubt noticed (or not) I no longer address the OP. Just those poor fellow posters who are drawn to the Flame of Incessant Bickering.
Actually - this probably should have been moved to Non-Romantic Relationships. This topic is purely personal and with no relation to any more general topic of interest in the field of psychology.
I go to lots of music events -- open mics, jam sessions, private rehearsals, etc. I always get to play. I don't sulk in the corner waiting for someone to invite me to play. I have learned not to care too much what people think. I hope they like my playing, but if they don't I still had a good time.
The situation I posted about was ONE example of inconsiderate behavior. It happened to be one of the most extreme I have experienced at music events. Possibly because Ned is egotistical, and Fred is not doing a good job of running the open mic.
If this is the "most extreme example" of inconsiderate behavior you've experienced than you are either very lucky, or haven't had that many experiences. It wasn't extreme at all. You gave IN YOUR OWN WORDS a non-committal response to someone politely asking you if you'd like to perform, and they responded in a perfectly normal way to you. If you wanted to perform, all you had to do when asked was say the word YES.
Actually - this probably should have been moved to Non-Romantic Relationships. This topic is purely personal and with no relation to any more general topic of interest in the field of psychology.
Ohhhh, I think there's no lack of general topics of interest in psychology represented in this discussion.
With three people there you could have swung the guitar around like a lasso and it would have still been fine.
Lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
That’s cauE you didn’t read the posts explaining that libraries are like community centers with multi floors and rooms now. You’re picturing them amongst the books, nor accurate. My library has ballroom dance lessons in one of the rooms.
Ya, ummmm no. I read the thread & know what the inside of libraries look like. They hold plenty of functions nonetheless I still wouldn't be waiting to play a guitar in it with 3 other dudes.
If this is the "most extreme example" of inconsiderate behavior you've experienced than you are either very lucky, or haven't had that many experiences. It wasn't extreme at all. You gave IN YOUR OWN WORDS a non-committal response to someone politely asking you if you'd like to perform, and they responded in a perfectly normal way to you. If you wanted to perform, all you had to do when asked was say the word YES.
I meant it was the most extreme example of inconsiderate behavior at an open mic, that I ever experienced. I actually never experienced anything like this at an open mic before.
Admittedly, this open mic is nearly dead from lack of publicity. Probably because the nice old man who runs it is not in good health.
All the others I have been to had rules and the rules were followed and everyone was respected. Making sure everyone is respected is considered very important at open mics.
I did have a recent experience, though, where two women in the audience talked to each other all through one of my songs. Most of the audience consisted of other performers, and that's what they were. It bothered me, but it was kind of a normal level of rudeness.
The example I posted about here was much more extreme, I thought.
I actually had an experience in high school this reminds me of. I was trying out for a musical school play, and had practiced a lot. I stood on line for a long time. But the music teacher got so caught up talking to the assertive kids, he forgot all about me. I never got to try out.
Now, at that age I was very fearful. But I had gotten all my courage together because I REALLY wanted to be in the play. Even then, I knew I wanted to perform music.
I am not fearful any more, and I can be pretty assertive. But I guess this current experience triggered that old memory, which had caused me severe disappointment.
The general topic is assertiveness vs agreeableness, and how the agreeable ones can get shoved aside.
I think it is even simpler than that.
The issue is when someone asks you a question, answer it directly and honestly, and don't expect anyone to read your mind.
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The general topic is assertiveness vs agreeableness, and how the agreeable ones can get shoved aside.
Shoved aside? No, maybe you just need to speak up for yourself. In the real world, no one is going to coax an adult to do something they feel uncomfortable doing. With your now infamous "who knows?" gesture", I would have taken that as you felt uncomfortable and I would not have coaxed you into playing.
If you have the trait of agreeableness--how would someone know that you minded? That you are actually angry? You have to convey to the other adults what you want to do with words.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
I can always count on you and your gang to make sure I don't feel too confident. Thanks.
No one can "make" you feel a certain way. You have control over that, "you can" allow someone to make you feel a certain way--but that is your choice.
The best book I read as a teenager was Wayne Dyer's "Erroneous Zones". That book taught me lifetime lessons.
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They hold plenty of functions nonetheless I still wouldn't be waiting to play a guitar in it with 3 other dudes.
