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A lot of bad things happen in the world, and denying that isn't really helpful.
Also, posting about good things might seem like bragging. When I am happy about something, I would be afraid to post it here, because there are people who I suspect would try to drag me down.
Another reason is that we don't need any help with the good things, only with the bad. When bad things happen, we might need to get another perspective, and we might not want to bother friends or relatives.
I would have to say that, with all the bad that happens in my life it is outweighed by the good. I just haven't posted it here, that I can remember.
I don't know about YOU specifically, but I've seen a lot of people post about happy things going on in their lives, and other posters being happy and supportive for them. Mainly, I've seen it in the relationships forum. You have good stuff going on? You're happy? That rocks!
I don't know about YOU specifically, but I've seen a lot of people post about happy things going on in their lives, and other posters being happy and supportive for them. Mainly, I've seen it in the relationships forum. You have good stuff going on? You're happy? That rocks!
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am all for cheering on my friends and family and fellow humans in their successes. It's a great feeling!
However, there are also a few people to note who seemingly like to humble brag at every opportunity about their lot in life. Of course, it's difficult not to conflate humble bragging with being positive and happy, so I think most people let it slide.
I think it's because it's easier to be negative than to be positive, in the short run at least.
It's the most basic human state to be defenseless, and negative people see themselves as perpetual victims, refusing to recognize how they have contributed to their own circumstances. It's like being a child your whole life.
It's easier to point a (virtual or real) finger and yell, "S/he did it!!" and wait for someone else to take action.
100%.
I know some people who, as they get older, are destroying friendships and family ties because it's too much work to be civil, so instead lets take the first perceived slight and obliterate the relationship. I don't get it. Of course, these people were always on the negative side, but as they get older all rationale and control has vacated them.
I am not negative, I'm a pragmatist. I see the realities and inherent dangers in any situation.
I once had one of those "positive thinkers" live in my home with me for a while, as she couldn't even afford an apartment. She would lecture me about being negative, and saying I was interfering with her "happy bubble". She didn't even like hearing that someone passed away. After she moved out, she kept couch surfing, could never afford her own rent, food or much of anything else. The fact is my so-called negative thinking got me a career, a home, a car, things she can't get. She still lectures on social media about the power of positive thinking (for others) but then complains about being poor and complains about how negative other people are. She is pushing 50 with no retirement or savings and a child to support. If this is where her positive thinking got her in life, I don't want any part of it.
I am not negative, I'm a pragmatist. I see the realities and inherent dangers in any situation.
I once had one of those "positive thinkers" live in my home with me for a while, as she couldn't even afford an apartment. She would lecture me about being negative, and saying I was interfering with her "happy bubble". She didn't even like hearing that someone passed away. After she moved out, she kept couch surfing, could never afford her own rent, food or much of anything else. The fact is my so-called negative thinking got me a career, a home, a car, things she can't get. She still lectures on social media about the power of positive thinking (for others) but then complains about being poor and complains about how negative other people are. She is pushing 50 with no retirement or savings and a child to support. If this is where her positive thinking got her in life, I don't want any part of it.
Yup! And don't even get me started on the name-it-and-claim-it, imagine-board, law-of-attraction, magical-thinking types.
I am not negative, I'm a pragmatist. I see the realities and inherent dangers in any situation.
I once had one of those "positive thinkers" live in my home with me for a while, as she couldn't even afford an apartment. She would lecture me about being negative, and saying I was interfering with her "happy bubble". She didn't even like hearing that someone passed away. After she moved out, she kept couch surfing, could never afford her own rent, food or much of anything else. The fact is my so-called negative thinking got me a career, a home, a car, things she can't get. She still lectures on social media about the power of positive thinking (for others) but then complains about being poor and complains about how negative other people are. She is pushing 50 with no retirement or savings and a child to support. If this is where her positive thinking got her in life, I don't want any part of it.
Did she ask you to pray for her?
Those are the ones that annoy me the most. When you're in a bad situation and they tell you to "pray on it".
It's also extremely easy to break down someone's problems when you're not involved with it. Taking out the emotional element that is involved with a highly emotional issue is both inhuman and unrealistic. We're not all Spock here, though some act like it.
The only reason either of you can take this stance is because you're busy breaking down other people's problems, not your own. I am far more judicious and reasonable when I'm addressing someone else's issues that they share. But when it's my own, there is a lot more at stake and the emotions are running a lot higher.
Seeking out the perspective of someone on the outside of an issue can actually be valuable if you know the right type of person to look for. A lot of people go to therapists precisely because they can offer a less biased point of view and healthier techniques to deal with their problems. The difference between them and the average laypeople, including people on here (not you, per se, just in general) is unlike most lay people the therapist is trained and skilled in how to communicate these concepts in a way that's rational and clear while still considering their client's feelings.
There is a book called "Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America" by Barbara Ehrenreich. It's a powerful book and helped me so much.
She's a cancer survivor, and while she was struggling to make it through the initial diagnosis, she was inundated with simplistic platitudes from well-meaning idiots who kept telling her things like, "Now you will need a positive attitude if you want to survive!" or "Start by being grateful for this disease, which will teach you appreciate life."
Ehrenreich states that it is the kind of foolishness that led to the 2008 financial crisis, because (as she says) there was a "refusal to consider negative outcomes."
And (also quoting her), what's the opposite of this positive thinking crap? "Personal self-blame."
One last quote from Ehrenreich.
"We need to brace ourselves for a struggle against terrifying obstacles, both of our own making and imposed by the natural world. And the first step is to recover from the mass delusion that is positive thinking."
On a personal note, as someone who is struggling hard to survive a personal tragedy and grievous loss, simplistic platitudes ("everything happens for a reason") are so devastating that I had to self-isolate for a long time.
I haven't read that book but I've read a similar one called 'The Antidote.'
Funny...I never posited that I'm in favor of positive thinking, but many respondents posted as if.
One assumption that works for me here is, "the 180-degree opposite of dysfunction is dysfunction." That was sort of the basis for the book I referenced. The 'cure' for unhealthy intense negative thinking is not intense positive thinking.
There is a book called "Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America" by Barbara Ehrenreich. It's a powerful book and helped me so much.
She's a cancer survivor, and while she was struggling to make it through the initial diagnosis, she was inundated with simplistic platitudes from well-meaning idiots who kept telling her things like, "Now you will need a positive attitude if you want to survive!" or "Start by being grateful for this disease, which will teach you appreciate life.".
Oh God, that is just awful that she had to listen to all that when she was going through an illness. I'd want to sock people in the face for saying those things.
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