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Old 04-10-2018, 10:20 AM
 
50,419 posts, read 36,085,277 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rocky12345 View Post
I’ve written about toxic narcissistic parents in my other thread. Do you guys think that narcissistic personality disorder should be thought of as an illness like any other and that there should be sympathy and an attempt to work/help them in some way? Or is it so harmful to everyone around that it’s best to just limit or stop all contact to save your sanity and emotional well being?
You can have sympathy without trying to help...I'm not sure there is any way to help as narcissistic people do not see anything wrong with their behavior. You can have sympathy and cut toxic people out of your life at the same time. Distancing yourself is for your sanity, you can still love them, yet cut them off if you need to as well.
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Old 04-10-2018, 12:30 PM
 
569 posts, read 438,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel Crazy View Post
Not being cute, but first, would you like to guess the region I was referring to?
Substantial clues were provided......
I was curious if you were referring to Appalachia. However in your following post, I feel that area is vastly different than the Plantation culture you encounter further south.
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Old 04-10-2018, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Southern MN
11,981 posts, read 8,310,306 times
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For those whose experience has been limited to family members or studying the personality disorder you may be surprised to know that many Narcissists find their way into treatment. And there are some very distinct methods used for helping stabilize them.

It is also very common for them to be misdiagnosed when their issue is actually something other than Narcissism. People with narcissistic behavior are increasingly prevalent in our population but the diagnosis is actually quite low. Maybe between one and seven or eight percent.

I found this nontechnical article to be helpful in explaining what I have been trying to articulate.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/n...der/treatment/

I personally have met many as I retired from the State Hospital and I like to think I have something to offer. They were not even close to our most problematic patients. It helps to learn how to communicate with them in a therapeutic manner. (Yes, they are a pain in the butt. Especially if you get into a power struggle with them. It helps to gentle the voice of your own ego or you'll take a few blows.)

The mental health worker is there to help not to prove the patient is full of s---. As has been said, the health worker isn't there to "fix." You can't fix anybody, actually. Knowing that makes the worker's job much more comfortable.

I find it unfortunate that people in private practice aren't learning or are making so much money that they can afford to reject someone who comes to them as hopeless. Lets hope that doesn't happen too often. Anyway State commitment is a good stabilizing experience and fellow group members can do a lot of the work of challenging delusions of grandeur where the patients can't run off and re-establish them.
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Old 04-10-2018, 01:28 PM
 
1,348 posts, read 788,719 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckeeesmom View Post
I was curious if you were referring to Appalachia. However in your following post, I feel that area is vastly different than the Plantation culture you encounter further south.
I've lived in both areas. Disregard the plantation word you focused on, it is incidental, the over-arching description applies to that entire region for the reasons I mentioned and others. Naturally, it is a generalization and there are exceptions, as always.
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Old 04-10-2018, 02:05 PM
 
6,279 posts, read 4,163,104 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
For those whose experience has been limited to family members or studying the personality disorder you may be surprised to know that many Narcissists find their way into treatment. And there are some very distinct methods used for helping stabilize them.

It is also very common for them to be misdiagnosed when their issue is actually something other than Narcissism. People with narcissistic behavior are increasingly prevalent in our population but the diagnosis is actually quite low. Maybe between one and seven or eight percent.

I found this nontechnical article to be helpful in explaining what I have been trying to articulate.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/n...der/treatment/

I personally have met many as I retired from the State Hospital and I like to think I have something to offer. They were not even close to our most problematic patients. It helps to learn how to communicate with them in a therapeutic manner. (Yes, they are a pain in the butt. Especially if you get into a power struggle with them. It helps to gentle the voice of your own ego or you'll take a few blows.)

The mental health worker is there to help not to prove the patient is full of s---. As has been said, the health worker isn't there to "fix." You can't fix anybody, actually. Knowing that makes the worker's job much more comfortable.

I find it unfortunate that people in private practice aren't learning or are making so much money that they can afford to reject someone who comes to them as hopeless. Lets hope that doesn't happen too often. Anyway State commitment is a good stabilizing experience and fellow group members can do a lot of the work of challenging delusions of grandeur where the patients can't run off and re-establish them.


Yes there are treatment plans but I’ve yet to see any statistics that support a successful outcome even when patients have been diagnosed and the patient accepted the diagnosis.
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Old 04-10-2018, 04:47 PM
 
12,687 posts, read 8,915,347 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel Crazy View Post
I've lived in both areas. Disregard the plantation word you focused on, it is incidental, the over-arching description applies to that entire region for the reasons I mentioned and others. Naturally, it is a generalization and there are exceptions, as always.
You've lived in, but do not begin to understand. Your cultural facts are all wrong. And yes, it does generate a response because most of us are tired of a misleading stereotype perpetuated by movies and media. But you certainty in the lack of knowledge does have some relation to the thread topic.
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Old 04-10-2018, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,813 posts, read 32,368,125 times
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When I was in my 40's, I had a conversation with my mother (after I had moved away for many years and gotten lots of counseling), where I told her I wanted her to treat me like she treats her friends. She looked so shocked and taken aback and she said to me that then we wouldn't have an intimate relationship. To my mother, if you were intimate (not sexual), it meant that you could show them your dark side and didn't have to treat them with the courtesy reserved for people outside the family.

She was not able to do this, so I cut her off.

Only you can decide what you want to put up with from anyone. The beauty is, that once you are 18 years old, you get to decide who you spend time with, and what you are willing to put up with. There is no law that says you have to put up with abuse from anyone once you are 18 years old.

Abusers, whether they mean to be abusive or not, are only able to continually abuse - if they are sometimes pleasant. This is what keeps their victims hooked - hoping for approval, love, for that next time when the abuser is kind.

But, it's not normal or healthy for anyone to treat you badly in-between the times they are nice. You don't have to put up with bad behavior ever - just because sometimes they are nice. It's okay to write off someone who is nice sometimes -- because they treat you badly in-between.

I did cut my family off, even though sometimes they could be nice. Because when they were mean, they were oh so mean. It's sad, for sure. It means I hate the holidays. But, having them in my life, hoping for good times, while being treated badly most of the time - is not worth it.

Sorry you're going through this. You are definitely not alone. Just be glad you are over 18 and now have a choice.
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Old 04-10-2018, 07:46 PM
 
13,754 posts, read 13,249,797 times
Reputation: 26020
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
For those whose experience has been limited to family members or studying the personality disorder you may be surprised to know that many Narcissists find their way into treatment. And there are some very distinct methods used for helping stabilize them.
That's a glimmer of hope for those of us forced to deal with them.

It is also very common for them to be misdiagnosed when their issue is actually something other than Narcissism. People with narcissistic behavior are increasingly prevalent in our population but the diagnosis is actually quite low. Maybe between one and seven or eight percent.

I found this nontechnical article to be helpful in explaining what I have been trying to articulate.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/n...der/treatment/

I personally have met many as I retired from the State Hospital I admire that. and I like to think I have something to offer. They were not even close to our most problematic patients. No I guess not since they have an uncanny knack for working the program and appearing to be normal until you...I don't know... TELL THEM NO. Or point out something they did wrong. At that point they tend to bubble over a bit with froth and steam sometimes involved until they can recover and put on their calm, normal face. If you had nothing they wanted you wouldn't ever witness the manipulation. It helps to learn how to communicate with them in a therapeutic manner. Helps who? Best to get away, stay away, cut them loose. (Yes, they are a pain in the butt. That's way too simplistic and light hearted. I'd LOVE it if that was all they were. Think PTSD. Especially if you get into a power struggle with them. It helps to gentle the voice of your own ego or you'll take a few blows.)

The mental health worker is there to help not to prove the patient is full of s---. As has been said, the health worker isn't there to "fix." You can't fix anybody, actually. Knowing that makes the worker's job much more comfortable.

I find it unfortunate that people in private practice aren't learning or are making so much money that they can afford to reject someone who comes to them as hopeless. Lets hope that doesn't happen too often. Anyway State commitment is a good stabilizing experience and fellow group members can do a lot of the work of challenging delusions of grandeur where the patients can't run off and re-establish them.
I know this girl is a product of emotionally traumatic events and further mental abuse by her psycho mother HOWEVER she chooses to be how she is. She's been given tools and chances out the ying yang.

Oh look. She just manipulated her father into buying her a train ticket to meet a friend for her birthday. She didn't come back as promised and he just got home after waiting 4 hrs hoping she caught a later train. Thegood news is I have a Girlzilla-free day or two coming up! So much for dealing with her in a therapeutic manner. Or is that just enabling?

Last edited by hunterseat; 04-10-2018 at 08:24 PM..
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Old 04-10-2018, 09:06 PM
 
20,955 posts, read 8,622,938 times
Reputation: 14050
If we listened to everyone who claims a family member is narcissistic, that would present as a very large percentage of the population. I'm left wondering if normal self-centered and selfish behavior....or even lack of certain warmth, etc. is not all "classified"....

Take ALL the conditions and the percentages and it adds up to just about everyone. As a line in some movies goes "maybe you are no prize yourself"???

Just saying....if the percentages of sociopaths and psychopaths and true narcissists and BPD, etc. were all added up, the summary would be we are all folking sick in the head...which would (by %) include a lot of those therapists and "pros" others go to for advice to deal with other sickos.
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Old 04-10-2018, 09:48 PM
 
1,348 posts, read 788,719 times
Reputation: 1615
Quote:
Originally Posted by tnff View Post
You've lived in, but do not begin to understand. Your cultural facts are all wrong. And yes, it does generate a response because most of us are tired of a misleading stereotype perpetuated by movies and media. But you certainty in the lack of knowledge does have some relation to the thread topic.
Goodness, the several pushback comments here have provided worthy substantiation to what I put forth, including this one.

They exhibited some of the very things NPD represents.....thin-skinned, ultra defensive, accusatory, gas-lighting, etc. Not one has posed any inquiring or clarifying questions about the thesis. Most mature, thoughtful people could, and would, come up with 5 questions minimum and probably a dozen in a couple minutes. But, zero were put forth.

All of that has been very revealing (but not remotely surprising to me). You've made my case or to use a popular meme, the responses indicate that I am "over the target".
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