Mental Illness or What? (addiction, anxiety, therapy, woman)
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What would prompt a woman to have at least seven kids and not raise any of them? Pawn the two oldest on her former in-laws and her own mother and place the other five up for adoption?
I am talking about my own mother. I am trying to wrap my mind around this. She doesn't have a history of addiction. Doesn't drink nor do drugs.
Could it be menta illness? Or some kind of personality disorder? I have anxiety myself and I have been on Lexapro for over two years so I am not making fun of mental illness (in case someone gets that idea from this post).
I would just love some input.
PS: I only found out I had so many siblings last Summer. It is still a shock. She wants nothing to do with any of us so talking to her isn't an option.
What would prompt a woman to have at least seven kids and not raise any of them? Pawn the two oldest on her former in-laws and her own mother and place the other five up for adoption?
I am talking about my own mother. I am trying to wrap my mind around this. She doesn't have a history of addiction. Doesn't drink nor do drugs.
Could it be menta illness? Or some kind of personality disorder? I have anxiety myself and I have been on Lexapro for over two years so I am not making fun of mental illness (in case someone gets that idea from this post).
I would just love some input.
PS: I only found out I had so many siblings last Summer. It is still a shock. She wants nothing to do with any of us so talking to her isn't an option.
It's really hard to speculate without knowing anything about your mother or her background. It could be mental illness, sure.
However, I will say you should never underestimate the influence of poverty, abuse or religion on a young girl's choices.
It's really hard to speculate without knowing anything about your mother or her background. It could be mental illness, sure.
However, I will say you should never underestimate the influence of poverty, abuse or religion on a young girl's choices.
Poverty and religion never played a role because neither one were issues in my family. They are definitely not religious at all. As far as I know, abuse wasn't either.
My siblings were mostly born in her late 20s and 30s. She had my oldest sister when she was 21 and me when she was 23. One when she was 26 and the other ones were between 29-38. All by different men.
I don't think I will ever understand this. I feel like no sane person would.
Poverty and religion never played a role because neither one were issues in my family. They are definitely not religious at all. As far as I know, abuse wasn't either.
My siblings were mostly born in her late 20s and 30s. She had my oldest sister when she was 21 and me when she was 23. One when she was 26 and the other ones were between 29-38. All by different men.
I don't think I will ever understand this. I feel like no sane person would.
Does she have siblings? What decades are we talking about?
That news must be a real challenge. I'd get into some talk therapy so someone can re-parent you. Takes a lot of courage, not to mention time, but you will feel a lot better and be in a safer road to happiness. This is a tough one.
That news must be a real challenge. I'd get into some talk therapy so someone can re-parent you. Takes a lot of courage, not to mention time, but you will feel a lot better and be in a safer road to happiness. This is a tough one.
I have been in therapy for a while and I still don't get it.
I have been in therapy for a while and I still don't get it.
You don't get what? Oh, that your mother did that? Do you have a complete history on her? It would need to be pretty detailed to come up with an answer, but there is an answer, just maybe not an easy one.
You don't get what? Oh, that your mother did that? Do you have a complete history on her? It would need to be pretty detailed to come up with an answer, but there is an answer, just maybe not an easy one.
I have some history on her. I just don't get how any human being could be so detached I'd say? That's why I wonder if mental illness is to blame. I am one of the two kids who was raised by relatives. I lived abroad from the age of two until right before my 19th birthday. She never went to visit me. Rarely called. When I met her, she just took a look at me, turned around and walked away. I found out I had another sibling born in the 90s and placed for adoption a few years ago. I went looking for her. A brother found me then the sister found me. Then I found out there are seven of us. She "met" my sister three weeks ago and gave her the dirtiest look. I feel that a normal person would not react the way she did when she met me and when she met my sister.
She even ignored my six year old when we went over to visit my grandmother. (My mother lives with her unfortunately) My poor daughter walked in the TV room and she just looked the other way.
I have some history on her. I just don't get how any human being could be so detached I'd say? That's why I wonder if mental illness is to blame. I am one of the two kids who was raised by relatives. I lived abroad from the age of two until right before my 19th birthday. She never went to visit me. Rarely called. When I met her, she just took a look at me, turned around and walked away. I found out I had another sibling born in the 90s and placed for adoption a few years ago. I went looking for her. A brother found me then the sister found me. Then I found out there are seven of us. She "met" my sister three weeks ago and gave her the dirtiest look. I feel that a normal person would not react the way she did when she met me and when she met my sister.
She even ignored my six year old when we went over to visit my grandmother. (My mother lives with her unfortunately) My poor daughter walked in the TV room and she just looked the other way.
That is so sad.
We don't get to choose our parents, and as Kara said you have obviously learned that you have to parent that little girl inside you who didn't get what she needed from her mother.
Also, this kind of question you're asking doesn't always seem so relevant until we become parents ourselves. It's good that you are letting your own daughter know her relatives, even as your relationship with your mother is so painful.
Sometimes the best thing we can learn from a dynamic like this is what NOT to do.
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