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Jade - Oh my, here's the primary problem. You are allowing politicians, phony race-baiters and THE MEDIA to own what you believe. Yes, it's true.
Those 3 groups all have self-serving reasons for trying to exaggerate a variety of issues, including race relations. Millions of Americans, including me, abhor what they are doing and you should too. The majority of what exists between races in the actual life of America is fine.
If you're going to be a honest person, you'll openly recognize that our last President was the one who intensely stirred the racial pot and took the enormous progress this country has made back 20 years, at least. Things were continuously improving until he and his Party decided to conflate molehills into mountains for political purposes.
Honestly, turn off the TV, change the radio station when some idiot (with an agenda) comes on yabbering about some exaggerated atrocity. Stop reading websites that promote the same discord; all they want are your eyes and clicks (to monetize) and your emotions to keep you hooked and coming back to click some more. The truth ranks a distant second or third place of their goals.
Do this instead: pay closer attention to people in everyday life and push yourself to talk to all kinds of people at events you attend. You will find that what you see and experience to mostly not match what the politicians and media are trying to make people believe. Lastly, has it occurred to you that white people might feel a deep hesitancy, and you're picking up on that, because they fear the very stuff you're saying? That they will be accused of things they have not said, done or believe -- because this country has been partially conditioned to think that whatever a white person is accused of, they must be guilty of?
Quote:
Originally Posted by High Altitude
OP, you are letting the politicians and the media control you. hook, line and sinker....... you are contributing to the problem now.
I’m exhausted with all so many white people working on trying to prove they are not one of “those white people” instead of working kn dismantling the system that got us here in tbe first place. I’ve decided wait amd see is better than benefit of the doubt.
Sadly I have learned that these days giving people the benefit of the doubt doesn’t turn out to be helpful.
It also feels like it is a lot more ok for people to tell me my feelings aren’t warranted or valid because they don’t like them. Better to avoid that sort of conflict altogether.
I go to the lake where the woman called the police on the bbqers at least every other week. I’ve been to many a bbq at the Lake. Who knows when it’ll be my turn. This crop of media coverage didn’t include the other similar incidents in Oakland. Things like people moving next to a 70 year old black church and then making noise complaints on the choir practice. Or calling the police on the black kids drumming in the park on Saturday afternoon, who have been doing it for five years, because some new people decided to move to an apartment overlooking the park and didnt’t like the music. It feels particularly toxic these days.
I’ve spent my entire life doing the heavy lifting. It is someone else’s turn
... or boxes to be checked off your bucket list???
That is just insulting, and you don't get it or get me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy
why do you NEED to go out of your way to meet black people. Either you make friends with people or you don't, but to specify a need to go OUT OF YOUR WAY for a specific race is very problematic in itself. Likewise why do you NEED to specify the ethnicity of who you choose to date like you are some white savior.
Because I have not seen any black people in my neighborhood and I didn't make it that way. Oh and pardon me because I can afford a nice house. The demographics of my neighorhood are (1) bit over half white, (2) bit less than a quarter Asian, (3) bout 1/6 Latino, and (4) less than 3% black.
Well call me discriminatory because in fact I meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends, I live in affluent area and most of the people I meet in everyday life are white. But I tend towards meeting other than white when I can, because I already told you in an earlier post:
I go out of my way to make friends with other races and ethnicities to show them that not all whites are prejudiced bigots. I know that most whites are not, but it's my way of increasing their friendly contact with whites and adding to their feelings of being liked and being friends with just another white person.
And to add, I get to look at only the online matches I'm presented. The site picks them, not me, and where the site has a setting for racial preferences I set mine to no preference, not important. I have a variety of criteria I am screening for, being into physical fitness like me and intelligence are primary criteria, then comes creativity and shared interests. Matches with zero information in their profile are rejected out of hand. I'm not going to pry your life out of you with a crowbar, if you didn't write a profile you are not creative. Then lastly I try to determine if the match is physically attractive to me. If all of the above then I reply whether white, black, Asian, or hopefully one day Latina. (It would be fun if she spoke Spanish and I could brush up my language skils.*) Alas, most of the matches I get are white so that's mostly who I date.
Birdie, you are so distrustful of your fellow man that I think you should go hide some place. And Spuggy, you just have a negative attitude. And I am specifying what races I date because that's what the OP started the topic as. Go read the OP if you don't get it.
* I got to laughing on the phone yesterday with my Latina BFF (she and hubby are BFFs) and it turns out she's 3rd generation and her Spanish is barely better than mine!
I’m exhausted with all so many white people working on trying to prove they are not one of “those white people” instead of working kn dismantling the system that got us here in tbe first place. I’ve decided wait amd see is better than benefit of the doubt.
Sadly I have learned that these days giving people the benefit of the doubt doesn’t turn out to be helpful.
It also feels like it is a lot more ok for people to tell me my feelings aren’t warranted or valid because they don’t like them. Better to avoid that sort of conflict altogether.
I go to the lake where the woman called the police on the bbqers at least every other week. I’ve been to many a bbq at the Lake. Who knows when it’ll be my turn. This crop of media coverage didn’t include the other similar incidents in Oakland. Things like people moving next to a 70 year old black church and then making noise complaints on the choir practice. Or calling the police on the black kids drumming in the park on Saturday afternoon, who have been doing it for five years, because some new people decided to move to an apartment overlooking the park and didnt’t like the music. It feels particularly toxic these days.
I’ve spent my entire life doing the heavy lifting. It is someone else’s turn
Ever consider that maybe people are tired of the incessant complaining?
I've got my own problems. Why should I be interested in yours?
I’m exhausted with all so many white people working on trying to prove they are not one of “those white people” instead of working kn dismantling the system that got us here in tbe first place. I’ve decided wait amd see is better than benefit of the doubt.
Sadly I have learned that these days giving people the benefit of the doubt doesn’t turn out to be helpful.
It also feels like it is a lot more ok for people to tell me my feelings aren’t warranted or valid because they don’t like them. Better to avoid that sort of conflict altogether.
I go to the lake where the woman called the police on the bbqers at least every other week. I’ve been to many a bbq at the Lake. Who knows when it’ll be my turn. This crop of media coverage didn’t include the other similar incidents in Oakland. Things like people moving next to a 70 year old black church and then making noise complaints on the choir practice. Or calling the police on the black kids drumming in the park on Saturday afternoon, who have been doing it for five years, because some new people decided to move to an apartment overlooking the park and didnt’t like the music. It feels particularly toxic these days.
I’ve spent my entire life doing the heavy lifting. It is someone else’s turn
What a nonsensical, and poorly articulated, response and it depicts more of what I identified in my first comment on this thread. The OP has allowed media and unsubstantiated feelings to own her "beliefs" and is busy projecting things that haven't even happened!! (That some lady MIGHT call the cops while she is hanging at the lake). Well, dang, I think I'll waste energy and make fake assertions that my neighbor might cut part of my tree that is extending into his yard without asking me. Gee, I should probably go lose sleep over that tonight. Pure nuttery.
OP has a self-absorbed victim mentality. What a way to live. It's a choice and you're choosing a negative path. Everybody has problems, gets mistreated, misunderstood, overlooked, ETC ETC ETC....you are not special in that regard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzile
Um, wow. You really have your head in the sand. You claim to not notice skin color eh? Sure you don't. I bet everyone around you is white so why would you notice skin color anyway - in your circles it's all the same. It's easy to claim that you aren't racist and that racism isn't a thing when you don't have to look at it or deal with it in any way. Guaranteed your internal biases are hard at work making you feel like you are an OK person who "doesn't see color."
The "I don't see color" white people are just the worst.
This comment doesn't even deserve a dignified reply. It is totally emblematic of the stuff that smug SJW-types prattle on about. So predictable, trite and adds no value. Next.....
I'm white, and the white privilege in the last couple of posts is making me dizzy. Seriously. Check yourselves. Unless you are bona fide narcissists, a close reading of what you posted should give you some stuff to think about.
That is just insulting, and you don't get it or get me.
I DON'T get you. I know from your posts that you are very proud of your behavior, although I don't know why because reading it from THIS side of the screen is kinda horrifying.
And you just keep making it worse, with every word you type to try to explain it. You're actually giving everyone example after example of the white savior mentality, with a bit of fetish thrown in to make it creepy.
I really do think you would benefit from reading this article to see if you recognize any of your thought processes. There's a great line in it: "People of color are not trophies to show off when you don't want to seem racist." And that's just ONE box you're checking off here.
I have been coming to terms with how Trump’s election has affected me. There are some subtle and not so subtle behavior changes I have had in the past 18 months. (Late 30s black female who grew up in white-majority suburbia)
I am struggling to read books - especially non-fiction which is where I have put my energy in. Want to avoid potential distress.
I am a pretty social person and get along with most people pretty easily. I tend to go to a good number of social and networking events. People connect with me easily and I almost always leave with a few new acquaintances.
I have a mixed (in ethnicity) group of friends, but most of my closest friends are Black and Asian.
I have noticed, that while in the past I may have talked to anyone who looks friendly, now I am seeking out mostly black people or other people of color. I am not really getting the contact info for any white people I may meet.
I am not really cultivating friendships with net new white people. In my brain it feels risky. I just don’t know where they may stand, or if they will cause microaggresssions. And it all feels a lot less comfortable than it used to feel. Even in the so-called progressive Bay Area.
And I’m not the only one. It seems like this is a common sentiment among other people of color I know (all of them). Everyone is sharing weird incidents they are having. Or we are talking about the latest incident of racial profiling, or police getting called for nonsense.
We just have a lot more worry about how people will react to us with all of this overt racism, discrimination and prejudice. It is really sad. I’m not seeing how to bridge the gap anytime soon, it just causes some low level permanent stress that I didn’t used to feel.
I met someone recently and he has it worse than me, he actively is avoiding socializing in settings with mostly white crowds. Preferring to stay home or only go out with people he knows.
Anyone else having similar feelings?
It's because most whites don't know how racists whites treat non-whites. Racists whites appear just like normal nice friendly people towards other whites but when they see non-whites that's when their horns appear. I have no issues with anyone yet sometimes I get the mild prejudice in public from white people who is probably very normal and decent people but they just aren't comfortable seeing non-whites and there's nothing I can do about it but it makes you feel uncomfortable in a public social setting that mostly with whites that you described.
For example, often you greet a nice white woman and she appears extremely friendly with you but when you ask a little personal question then they start trying to back you off. Yet, another white person can easily ask those personal questions and the same nice white lady have no problems talking all day long about her personal life. Hey, there's nothing we can do to change that until this country is more accustomed to diversity.
Trust for a minute that those who are experiencing this life differently from you just might have a point.
That's so very true. Wise words. And this seems applicable whether one is liberal or conservative.
Do you see that applying to everyone or only people who are different from the speaker?
I ask in all sincerity because I hear those words spoken so often in the sense of "but I am an exception." It's disappointing to me that the irony of it goes unnoticed.
Being an (Asian) Indian, I sometimes wonder why is it that Americans give so much importance to politics that it starts ruling their lives. On this forum itself, we come across so many threads about friendships being broken because of differing political views.
I DON'T get you. I know from your posts that you are very proud of your behavior, although I don't know why because reading it from THIS side of the screen is kinda horrifying.
And you just keep making it worse, with every word you type to try to explain it. You're actually giving everyone example after example of the white savior mentality, with a bit of fetish thrown in to make it creepy.
I really do think you would benefit from reading this article to see if you recognize any of your thought processes. There's a great line in it: "People of color are not trophies to show off when you don't want to seem racist." And that's just ONE box you're checking off here.
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