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Why do you think things are most pleasurable the first time/times you do them (grade school, teens, college, etc.)?
Is novelty in itself exhilarating? Is it one reason people become nostalgic about "the good old days"?
I can't speak for everyone, but it seems harder to get excited over things as you get older because you've already experienced so much. This goes double for people who have been in the same relationship or job for a long time. It's as if you have to exert more effort to derive pleasure out of things that seemed intensely pleasurable 10-15 years ago.
Even things like sex, outings with friends, and a movie night at the theater may not hold as much appeal for a 35-year-old as they would a 20-year-old.
Is it a combination of things coming more routine/familiar and shifting priorities? Is it been there, done that?
I can fully relate to this. I think novelty is a big part of it. Think about being a teenager and learning to drive for the first time. Getting behind the wheel is one of the most exciting things during that stage of life. In your 30s? I don't know about you but I hate driving. Fast forward to 21 when you can drink legally for the first time. Going to bars or parties with friends and getting drunk and just living is one of the greatest experiences of that time of life. Fast forward a decade and it's still enjoyable but it doesn't quite have the same spark to it that it did at 21. I think about things I had passions for during my college years like video games. I still enjoy them now, but they aren't as big of a deal to me.
For me, a big issue is the fact that I feel that I have gone backwards in life over the past decade. I'm actually behind in almost every way compared to where I was in 2008. I would take 24 year old me over 32 year old me any day. The recession, moving back to my conservative religious hometown (where I am still trapped), ex-gay conversion therapy, years of loneliness, bad financial decisions, manipulation by family, etc has done a number on me.
The young think they are invincible. I did. The more risk, the more excitement. Then I needed more risk to get the same level of excitement. A near-death experience made me realize how foolish I was being. I experience very little excitement now. But that's okay. I'm content and I'm still here.
Basically what you said. When things are new they are going to be better and more exciting. Then you get used to them or tired of them. My firsts have always been better in almost everything. My first sexual experiences weren't better, but sex in my 20s was more pleasurable and I had a higher sex drive. Scientifically think of it like drugs. Your body adapts and you need more and more to get the same effect.
Why do you think things are most pleasurable the first time/times you do them (grade school, teens, college, etc.)?
Is novelty in itself exhilarating? Is it one reason people become nostalgic about "the good old days"?
I can't speak for everyone, but it seems harder to get excited over things as you get older because you've already experienced so much. This goes double for people who have been in the same relationship or job for a long time. It's as if you have to exert more effort to derive pleasure out of things that seemed intensely pleasurable 10-15 years ago.
Even things like sex, outings with friends, and a movie night at the theater may not hold as much appeal for a 35-year-old as they would a 20-year-old.
Is it a combination of things coming more routine/familiar and shifting priorities? Is it been there, done that?
Might want to tack "in my opinion" on the end of opinions, since for many things I have the complete and opposite reaction. If others do, I don't know or care. But yet again, the implication is "why doesn't everybody..."
...'cause everybody doesn't feel that way?
The good old days were bad old days in some ways, great in others. I was broke but didn't know it, since college kids just didn't have very much. Most of us, anyway.
The only thing I *don't* get excited about is trips by plane. I could not care less, I have it down to a system and mostly fly First Class or Comfort Plus at-minimum. That, TSA Pre, Trusted Traveler, and CLEAR (new to me) make it a breeze. I don't stand in lines with cretins if at-all possible.
Keeping it PG, I enjoy sex, outings with friends, and movie night at the theater a helluva lot more at 50 than 20. Guess I'm not depressed or tired of life, though. Reason for the previous being, in-order: 1) I know what I'm doing and what she might want better via experience 2) I can afford to not have to "watch the bill" or other economy-related problems when out with friends, nowadays and 3) related to 2), I mostly only go to iPic Theaters, which is lounge chairs, in-seat service of food and drink, and an altogether great experience of first-run movies. I do that maybe once per quarter. Alone, because I don't like people very much.
Helps to not have live with 'money problems' on any of the previous, actually. So, guess that's part of why I enjoy life vastly more past ten years or so, in peak earnings years. Barring some sort of economic crash...which could happen...I'm going to retire well in nine years, too and never have to worry about any of that garbage again either.
Very interesting thread. I have contrasting thoughts (I'm 61). The older I get the more I miss the natural wonderment I felt as a kid. Up until early teens just about everything to me, in retrospect, had a magical edge which is hard to explain, save that it was new. To match it now seems to take a whole lot of effort, and it's not the same anyway. One outlet is staying creative.
Even things like sex, outings with friends, and a movie night at the theater may not hold as much appeal for a 35-year-old as they would a 20-year-old.
Is it a combination of things coming more routine/familiar and shifting priorities? Is it been there, done that?
I've been with my SO for over 40 years.
Sex is better than ever, and it either "appeals" to you or it doesn't...can't see how age changes that.
outings with friends hold no appeal anymore, never did much anyways...I prefer having "outings" in my own home with friends.
Never was big on wasting money at the theater..even when I was young....rather watch a movie at home with friends anyday.
We're all different...I don't see age as playing too much into it.
I think a lot depends on progress in life, as far as what you find pleasurable or how excited you get by anything.
The human brain is a real pain in the butt if you ask me, it's designed to make sure you're never really that satisfied with anything, because otherwise we'd all sit around doing the minimum every day, so it's designed to adapt quickly. That adaptation can be incredibly helpful if your life is going down the tubes, and you're somehow able to adapt to your new situation, overcome obstacles, and turn the ship around. Or it can be pathetic how you lack appreciation for your life because it isn't any better than it was a year ago, even if a year ago you were so happy with everything. It's almost like, "More, more, more!" It needs fuel. It wants conquest.
This is one reason I certainly subscribe to the beliefs that Nietzsche put forward, that basically life itself is "will to power and nothing besides." The modern objections to some of these ideas are people saying, "I don't want power, my friends don't want power, I just want a nice quiet life" or "I just want a good job that appreciates me and to help my local community" or some such thing. They're misunderstanding the word power. It means completely different things to different people. For a homeless person power may be just the money in your pocket to buy a nice warm meal. For you power may be having enough free time to go volunteer at your favorite charity. It may be enough disposable income to go travel to your dream destination. It doesn't mean "power over other people," it means power over your surroundings, your own destiny.
I almost think it's necessary every few days or at least every week to remember where you were previously, and where you are now, so that you can appreciate things you take for granted. I often joke about this with one of my best friends. How if anything great happens, it's almost like 5 minutes later, "Alright, that was fun. What's next?" On the other hand, I mean, I can't fully complain because it keeps your drive to succeed even greater and your goals ever higher. At the same time, it's good to stop and take inventory sometimes and pat yourself on the back for what you HAVE done not always focus on what you haven't done.
I also think sometimes things don't seem as great when you're there as when you wish you could get there. Sure if you told me when I was taking 23 credits in college that one day I'd be able to wake up whenever I want and play video games all day, that sounds amazing, where do I sign up? But I don't want to play video games all day. I like video games, they're fun, but they're not fulfilling. I want to achieve meaningful, great things, so the freedom to play video games doesn't do much for me. Yet I'm sure past me would have been blown away by what an awesome life that would be, wow, I could do whatever I want all day! Yeah I have a tolerance of about a week with that, at most, before I can't wait to start getting back to my work and making progress. I get antsy when I am not moving forward. Maybe that's what most people feel, which is why the excitement over some things just passes.
Also, anything done before 30 feels more fun and free with fewer responsibilities and you felt invincible because you looked good and felt good. But 30 seems to be the magic age as start of adulthood, so once you hit 30, you feel like you should be less crazy and more responsible, so even though you're still going out and having fun, you're also now bogged down with the thought of getting older.
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