I'm alive but I want to feel like I'm dead (Ambien, problems)
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Dude, you need to see a mental health professional. This sounds like clinical depression. How long have you felt this way? And what kind of support system do you have?
Check out the Psychology Today website - they have a database where you can browse through mental health professionals with different credentials and specializations based on where you live. Also, there's online counseling now that is cheap if your insurance doesn't cover - my friend was recently exploring the service and thought it sounded potentially helpful.
You do not need to feel this way. There are steps you can take. I would say while you're waiting to get your foot in the door with a therapist, you should get yourself to your doctor and get a full blood workup.
Also, look into meditation. It seems like it would be particularly helpful for your situation. There is a book called "Wherever You Go, There You Are" and it was very helpful to me - the chapters are only two or three pages.
I've been where you are, and it sucks. I'm sorry. But please do not lose hope - there is a lot you can do to get yourself to a better state of mind besides drink yourself into oblivion.
My husband had cancer. They did surgery and was supposed to be A-OK. There was a leak where they removed the tumor. He went into septic shock and literally came minutes from dying. I was begging him to stay with me and I watched him turn gray. His blood pressure fell to such a low level that the surgeon thought he would sustain damage to his brain. He tells me that he knew he was leaving and he fought it with all he could because at that moment, living was all he wanted to do. Even if it meant pain, suffering, all the crappy stuff that comes with life. Sometimes you don't know how much you really do want to live until it's nearly taken from you.
True....I read of a study of those who survived their attempt to end their lives by jumping off a building or bridge the majority said they regretted their decision the instant after they leaped.
See a Psychiatrist. I do. I just wanted to stay in bed and was not happy. Now I wake up happy and am happy all day. Big change. Also talk therapy may do you good. I found out a few things about myself that I did not realize and one of them was thinking I had a problem when the problem was thinking I had a problem. I am a bit of a loner. I can go months without leaving my house. I am retired now so I will try to get out more due to all the free time I have.
There was a time when I just wanted to be numb and a doctor put me on an Antidepressant (AD) that did just that. I felt like a zombie but ultimately my wife told me to change my AD because she did not want to live with the walking dead. So I tried a new AD and it made me happy, got rid of my obsessive thinking of negative things and worries. I cannot remember the last time I felt sad.
Talk to your doctor. I put it off for many years and regret that I waited so long. Life is so much better now and the best part is that I do not feel drugged since I am used to the medication I am given. I sleep 7-9 hours a night and wake up refreshed. I went from not wanting to feel anything to wanting to feel as much as possible. Life is good now.
I don't necessarily want to commit suicide but I just want peace, I don't want to feel anything. Usually I drink heavily and that'll get me to the point that I'm still alive but I feel like I'm dead. Can anyone relate to this?
You need to figure out the source of your pain. Work, finances, family, school, etc.
Turning to alcoholism to solve your problem is not a good idea.
I don't necessarily want to commit suicide but I just want peace, I don't want to feel anything. Usually I drink heavily and that'll get me to the point that I'm still alive but I feel like I'm dead. Can anyone relate to this?
Sometimes life hurts, and sometimes it hurts a lot, but if you kill your ability to feel pain, you will also kill your ability to feel joy. If you never feel any joy, you need to get some help.
Please, sooner rather than later. Today would be good.
To answer your question: yes, I have related. That's why I say to get help. What you are chasing right now is oblivion, and that isn't the same thing as peace.
I was clinically depressed after a car accident which robbed me of a normal life due to the pain. My doctor put me on an anti depressant which helps a lot. I still get 'down' at times because I am no longer able to do what I used to, even after back surgery and it's been hard to accept that but, nature & having a pet I have to take care of helps. Actually, the love from a pet helps a lot too.
I think forums like this are great for general discussion on psychological issues, but your's OP sounds specific. I think you would probably benefit from a medical professional more than random people on a website - some who would probably be happy to see you hurt yourself just for kicks.
I don't know about the last sentence of this post, I would recommend getting professional help instead of seeking answers from a message board.
That's not a good way to feel but I'm having a hard time right now myself so I feel for you. I'm lonely and sick and having all sorts of problems. I don't feel I have anything to look forward to and kinda hopeless. Maybe you, too, huh? Drinking is not going to help, or food, drugs, gambling, shopping, none of that. I just refuse to do that stuff but just sit with my misery. I am trying to find things to be grateful for.
Start a gratitude journal. It works. Lots of free apps, too.
I don't necessarily want to commit suicide but I just want peace, I don't want to feel anything. Usually I drink heavily and that'll get me to the point that I'm still alive but I feel like I'm dead. Can anyone relate to this?
I am so concerned for you.
Oh boy do I ever relate! Several attempts luckily saved in ER. I used alcohol to dull the pain. Turns out I have been clinically depressed most of my life ending up with a diagnosis of bi-polar. It didn't help that I developed alcoholism too. I just couldn't stand the stress of my life, the after affects of childhood abuse and domestic violence. Many times I felt like I was going to implode.
It doesn't matter right now the reason you feel the way you do but that you seek out treatment for your depression that definitely makes you feel much better and improves your life. At least get stable with some meds and then do some work with a psych
to help you understand the whys and wherefores. Ask your doctor for a referral.
There is some healing to take place.
Asking for help got me to age 63 still having depressive episodes but I now know how to soothe myself without alcohol and life is much better. You can survive this. I know you don't feel like it but you deserve a better life and owe it to yourself to stay alive and to experience the nicer things in life. I know, I know, in your state you don't even care.
But you need help and have to ask for it. The pain will eventually subside with help.
That's pretty well what the Buddhists say, and I don't think they're entirely wrong.
They also say to accept the pain and let it flow through you. It's not a bad approach if you can do it.
Buddhists say that the cause of suffering is the grasping of desire. If you can let the desire go... then you let the suffering go.
I'm no Buddhist, but I think they have some useful ideas in this area.
May be thats why they also let the pain flow through others in Myanmar, Sri Lanka etc.
To the OP, you know whats the painful thing to practice?? Self control . Self control is the only way to beat desire.
You need self control and it wont come easily . You have to find your own way to deal with it. Through family, prayers, travel etc. .
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