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Old 08-15-2018, 04:53 PM
 
4,927 posts, read 2,886,768 times
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I really hate it when someone says "you're too sensitive." No, you're too INSENSITIVE!!!
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Old 08-15-2018, 10:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I think saying the above in BLUE is dreadful, appalling, atrocious, and rather than taking responsibility, it tries to alleviate the person saying it from taking any responsibility. I find it insulting and repellent.

And most apologies do not involve having 'offended' someone. Most apologies are due when one emotionally hurts someone.
What? It's a total and complete, unqualified apology. It's a complete mea culpa.

I will grant you, it doesn't work unless it's sincere. I didn't account for the possibility that someone said something so horribly offensive that it's unforgivable and can't be excused.

In which case, why in the world would you care if the person apologized? It would mean nothing.

My apology was to cover, as I said, dear friendships where no harm was intended.

And what's the difference between "offending" someone, and "emotionally hurting" someone?
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Old 08-15-2018, 10:54 PM
 
8,238 posts, read 6,557,601 times
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ClaraC, see my post #17 in this thread. It also explains about using the terminology of intend, intention, didn't intend to.

Examples of emotionally hurting someone is lying to or cheating on a significant other. Or telling someone you love them one week, and then the next week saying you do not love them. Or telling a long-time significant other that you never loved them. Or telling a friend that you can no longer be friends with them. These are just random examples.

Offending someone is being overheard saying you do not like someone's cooking or you criticized their church or you find one of their beliefs not well thought through. Or you tell someone that you think their fashion/clothing sense is not the best.

Last edited by matisse12; 08-15-2018 at 11:05 PM..
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Old 08-16-2018, 12:00 PM
 
Location: From the Middle East of the USA
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If the relationship is meaningful: marital, family, even work, I have apologized at no fault of my own because the relationship (sometimes) is more important than the argument. If the relationship is meaningful, that is a resource I try to protect.
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Old 08-16-2018, 12:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by hickoryfan View Post
If the relationship is meaningful: marital, family, even work, I have apologized at no fault of my own because the relationship (sometimes) is more important than the argument. If the relationship is meaningful, that is a resource I try to protect.
Well, the corollary to this is, the phony apology is offered by someone whom you liked and let into your life a little bit, and then you discover they're crass and a little stupid.

Of course, when this keeps happening the self-reflection that should be ongoing gets a little sticky. Out of, say, a thousand people you interact with online and in RL (in a month, say) how many are going to have the same character and perspectives you'd want in a friend? Probably not many, maybe one or two?
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Old 08-16-2018, 03:09 PM
 
6,503 posts, read 3,412,759 times
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Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153 View Post
I really hate it when someone says "you're too sensitive." No, you're too INSENSITIVE!!!
I agree. They're using shame to allow their verbal impulses to flow, unchecked, and spend zero effort on self control or thought about the repercussions of what they say.
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Old 08-16-2018, 03:54 PM
 
4,927 posts, read 2,886,768 times
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Originally Posted by ddm2k View Post
I agree. They're using shame to allow their verbal impulses to flow, unchecked, and spend zero effort on self control or thought about the repercussions of what they say.
And what it indicates is that they really don't care about you and are really not friendship worthy. And that's fine.
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