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I think acts of service are important, especially in our later years when we start to fail. He’s still in excellent health in his late 60’s. I would have no problem being his caregiver when he starts to need care, if I can call in outside help when I need it.
But for now, his healthy self can get up from the sofa and get his own damn pie.
We had a talk about the pie this morning and maybe even made some progress, who knows. I told him that remembering to buy his favorite foods is a deliberate act of love, not mere accident. I said he can show me he loves me by having the consideration to eat what was brought home for him, whether or not it is served to him warmed on a platter with his special fork.
What kind of work does he do? It is amazing to me that he's fairly highly compensated, and I guess for doing some sort of "brain work" - but he acts like this with you.
I don't have much in the way of useful suggestions - maybe just to try to figure out how you could live without him, somehow.
This is twisted beyond "traditional," and most anyone who wasn't warped by this kind of upbringing recognizes it.
Maybe a little but not much to me. Your earlier post said he's acting like a dependent, I was mainly saying she is the dependent spouse and it isn't uncommon for the breadwinner to expect the spouse to do everything in the house/for him or her.
Their ages are not far off from my parent's generation. My mother wouldn't re-marry because the men all wanted her to be a housewife and raise their kids she was like no, but had she entered the bargain, as OP did, it would be unfair to say no later.
My Dad works all day to bring home the bacon so for the most part, he doesn't fry any. Used to on Sundays for the family and that was all the cooking or even fixing any sort of meal he does.
Anyway, OP relies on him financially. That doesn't mean a person should tolerate abuse,, but I don't see how serving a piece of store bought pie with a particular fork is crazy town at all.
What kind of work does he do? It is amazing to me that he's fairly highly compensated, and I guess for doing some sort of "brain work"
We live and work in Silicon Valley, so you do the math.
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I don't have much in the way of useful suggestions - maybe just to try to figure out how you could live without him, somehow.
I've thought about it. I even did it for a while. But I want to be married.
The strange behavior has eased off and we're taking it one day at a time. He helped me make dinner last night and it was nice, the kind of loving-couple activity I enjoy. I hope to rebuild our connections.
His mother died in 2016, on my birthday. I miss her terribly. I'm sure he does, too. It seems an obvious connection but somehow doesn't feel quite right.
Did he regularly see his mother before she died?
If so, then it seems possible as she was less able to give him motherly love, he began to look for another source of that. That would be a symptom of never fully detaching from his mother and becoming his own person.
Maybe a little but not much to me. Your earlier post said he's acting like a dependent, I was mainly saying she is the dependent spouse and it isn't uncommon for the breadwinner to expect the spouse to do everything in the house/for him or her.
She's not dependent on him, and knowing her like I do from other threads here, I am confident that she is not that kind of wife.
OP, I know how difficult it is to strike out on your own later in life, and I encourage you to work on that marital connection. I hope he wants to also.
That requires her to be badgered by him throughout the day and responsible for entertaining him? The pie scenario was just one example.
It doesn't sound like you were going off of what was written here but in fact what happened in your own household growing up.
? I'm only referring to the financial part right now. She said he supports her and she is stuck due to finances and needing his insurance and then she isn't. I don't know which is correct. I can only go by what is said.
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